define love

[delwynmarch]

No: HPFGUIDX 110638

Ginger wrote :
"The way I understood the question and answer was that Tom had never 
gotten to the point of love.  He may have been cordial, and possibly 
even friends, but not to a great degree.  Similar to a relationship 
one may have with someone at work, but with whom one doesn't 
socialize outside of the workplace.  Comfortable, but not loving. 

Where I see Tom's choice in the matter is to not allow it to continue
 to a deeper level. "
(snip)
"I don't think it means that he never had positive feelings towards
anyone on a basic level.  

My reasoning is that those base feelings are far more easily turned 
off, especially as he reached the tumult of teenhood, than a deeper 
love.  He may have told himself he was illogical or, as others have 
suggested, weak."

Del replies :
Great post Ginger !

It makes sense. Tom could have indeed made the wrong choice of cutting
any relationship that seemed to go into too warm waters.

Unfortunately, I understand only too well why someone in Tom's
position would choose to do that. I have the very same tendency. I
enjoy comradeship, but I have an automatic reaction to back up when
people try to get any closer. Apparently this has to do with my
feeling of abandonment by my biological father. I expect Tom would
feel even more so.

Even Harry is like that. He was the one that initiated their
friendship with Ron, but I have a feeling that if Ron had then left
him to go with someone else, Harry would not have tried to keep him
back. And Hermione quite forcefully imposed her company on the 2 boys
at first. And apart from those 2, Sirius is the only one who managed
to break through Harry's barriers, and that's because he's the only
*family* he's got (apart from the Dursleys). Harry keeps *everybody
else* at a distance : DD, Lupin, the other Weasleys (even Molly and
Ginny who have made it clear that they care for him), and so on. Harry
lets them come only that close, and then he backs away.

And there's Neville also ! As far as we know, Neville doesn't have a
best friend, he doesn't belong to any gang, he doesn't have a regular
mate to hang out with. He's a real loner.

In each case, we have a kid who lost one or both of his parents at a
very young age, and who seems to have problems forming deep meaningful
relationships. Tom isn't the only one.

Oh, and there's Theo Nott, too. JKR herself described him as a loner.
And we could also add Luna, of course !

So yes Ginger, you're probably right, but I'm not sure Tom can be
blamed for shying away from meaningful relationships. So what, is it
back to square one :-) ?

Del