[HPforGrownups] Re: Angry Harry in HBP?

[Vivamus]

No: HPFGUIDX 119633

> imamommy:
> 
> I would expect the boy to display the classic five steps of grief:
> shock, denial, anger/bargaining, depression, and acceptance. 
> These are the five steps people go through when something 
> else traumatic happens to them. Each of these steps is 
> essential to mental health for the individual.

Vivamus:
It has been many years, so I could be mistaken, but as I recall, the five
stages of the grief process, as outlined by (I think) Elizabeth Kubler-Ross,
were Denial, Anger, Acceptance, Grief, and Resolution.  The shock is part of
the denial stage, I think: it does not seem real.  Harry definitely is still
in the denial stage about Sirius at the end of OOtP.  The denial stage, for
some people, goes on for years.  In very rare cases it is only a few days,
but those are generally when the deceased has been very ill for a long time,
and they have emotionally prepared for the loss.

Sirius was fine, then he was dead.  Even when he was dead, it didn't seem
like he was dead.  It was just a doorway, right?  He had just fallen
through, and will come right back in a second or two.  The shock in
something like that is far greater because it is so sudden.   I expect
Harry's denial stage to go on through much of the next book.  In real life,
I would expect it to go on for a couple of years or more.  The only reason I
think it won't in this case, is because JKR will want to move the plot
along, and there is only so much time you can spend with that (in a literary
sense).

The anger is the one to watch out for, though.  In OOtP, Harry expressed a
lot of anger at others for not including him in plans or telling him what
was going on, and at DD for being manipulative.  If Harry does go through
the classic grief process, his anger in HBP will be directed at Sirius (for
dying) or at God (or his representative DD) for allowing Sirius to die.  He
may also transfer that anger to Moody, his friends, Umbridge, Snape or
anyone else he can blame instead of the person really responsible (himself).
Guilt from the fact that he truly IS responsible for Sirius' death,
compounded with all the  anger we already have seen, will tend to make both
the denial and the anger much worse.  Depending on how far JKR wants to go
down that road, I think we may see a Harry in HBP who is somewhat aloof and
downright mean, for at least part of the time.  Imamommy made a good point
about him changing friends to some from the dark side, for a while.
Depression is also generally a part of the anger phase, and some people
bounce from denial into anger and depression, then back into denial, without
ever accepting the loss.

Acceptance is not so much a stage as a moment of transition, finally
allowing one to grieve.  There may come a time, for example, when Harry
actually starts to write a letter to Sirius, then stops midway and starts
bawling like a baby, soaking the parchment, as it finally sinks in that
Sirius really is gone forever.   This will also most likely be the first
moment when he is able to accept comfort from others, and it finally opens
the door for him to begin to find forgiveness of himself.  

The grief phase is generally represented by great sadness.   He may actually
be able to talk to Cho about Cedric, now that he *finally* understands, but
I suspect Cho will have moved on from her own grief, and not really want to
go there anymore.  Luna will be more help to him in his grief.  Probably
Ginny will, too, partly because it is a convenient way to build their
relationship, but also because she, like Molly, is a much more maternal type
than any of the other female figures in his life.  Molly's comfort will be
too much like his lost mother's, I think, and therefore too painful, but
Ginny will be there with him, and she was there when Sirius died.  She can
give him something of the love and forgiveness he will so desperately need
in this time.  I think Ron will continue to be clueless about what it means,
because that's Ron.   Neville will understand better than anyone, show both
wisdom and strength we haven't seen yet, and be a solid rock for Harry.
Hermione will go through her own grief process, but won't understand that it
is necessarily different for Harry. I think Imamommy is also right about
Harry not wanting to be around Hermione.  Harry -- solid, dependable,
always-there Harry -- will be a drifting wreck of sadness, and utterly
useless for a time.

(In fact, what about Harry disbanding the DA in despair, but they continue
to meet and practice -- under Neville's leadership?)

Real grief, when it finally hits some weeks or months after a death, doesn't
last with intensity.  In some ways, it lasts forever -- we always have some
sadness when we think about the parts of ourselves that have gone through
the veil -- but the sense of absolute loss is washed out pretty soon (hours
or days, usually,) and we are left with a sense of empty sadness that
reduces over time, but never goes entirely away.   

The resolution phase is the process of putting your life back together and
going on.  The most important thing to realize is that it cannot happen
without going through the first four phases, and the first four phases are
roughest if the death was sudden, if you actually were at least partly
responsible, or if the one who died was particularly close to you.  Those
are all true for Harry with respect to Sirius, so IRL, at least, his grief
journey would be monumentally difficult.  

I do expect JKR will collapse the process for literary reasons, as is her
prerogative, but I wouldn't expect it to collapse all that much.  I think
JKR wants to go through the grief process with Harry, as he was so unwilling
to do with Cho.

The deepest question in this for me, is what will resolution look like for
Harry?  Will he be engraged at LV, or quietly determined?  Will he finally
lose his arrogance, burned away by the shame of Sirius' death, and see Snape
as a necessary but unpleasant ally?  Will he learn to laugh again by the end
of HBP?  Most of all, will he ever learn to forgive himself?

Vivamus