FILK: We Need A Little Queerditch

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 120050


We Need A Little Queerditch (QTA, Chap. 3)

To the tune of We Need a Little Christmas, from Jerry Herman's Mame 

The Scene: Queerditch Marsh, 11th Century. Two teams prepare to 
compete in the new game of Queerditch, much to the disgust of local 
witch Gertie Keddle (AN: The game of swivenhodge, as related in QTA 
Chap. 2, was a forerunner of Qudditch).

SCOTTISH WARLOCK
Lend me some leather
Soar on your broom before ol' Gertie screams again.
Head for the marshes
For now the crucial thing is, start the game again now.

For we need a little Queerditch
Right this very second,
Boulders bid us welcome
Broomsticks bravely beckon
Yes, we need a little Queerditch
Right this very second,
We had enough of hodge & swiven
It's time we had us some real livin'

GERTIE
These guys act so dimly
This is the biggest waste of time I've ever seen.
They're all such fruitcakes
It's time I flung some hexes at those great hairy cows
For I want to shun the boulders 
Going back to bladders,
Going to less odder
Games are less madder

And I have a lot of anger
With some hostile chatter
Ditch your queer Queerditch game now.

CHORUS OF PLAYERS
Soon on our broomsticks
You may presume we'll zoom through each and ev'ry game

GERTIE
I think it's shocking

SCOTTISH WARLOCK:
But Gertie K., each Tuesday, you watch till the sun's down.

CHORUS OF PLAYERS
For you need a little Queerditch
When out in your cabbage,
Though we may seem hairy
And a little savage
Yes, you need a little Queerditch
Right this very second,

SCOTTISH WARLOCK:
`Cause after us you'll never settle
For boring days out in the nettles

CHORUS OF PLAYERS
Perhaps we act dimly
And it's the biggest waste of time that's ever been
Because we're fruitcakes,
But in a thousand years they'll still play Queerditch, we vow
All we need's a little magic,
Need a bigger basket,
Need a greener field
Secrecy to mask it,
And we need to not let purty
Gertie blow a gasket
Need a little Queerditch now.

(Instrumental bridge, as the two teams soar into action, cheered on 
by Gwenog, Gertie's neighbor.)

GWENOG & CHORUS 
Need a little Queerditch now!

    -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS
http://home.att.net/~coriolan.hpfilks.htm