Parenting Harry (was: Re: I don't like him much)

[imamommy at sbcglobal.net]

No: HPFGUIDX 120157


--- In HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com, Magda Grantwich 
<mgrantwich at y...> wrote:
> --- eloise_herisson <eloiseherisson at a...> wrote:
>  
> > However, the argument I was making was that Snape is the only one
> > who *consistentely* disciplines Harry and ties to curb his rule
> > breaking tendencies and that even Lupin, who cares deeply for 
Harry
> 
> > and does attempt to exercise some control over him, ultimately 
> > fails in this role. How does Lupin's giving the Map back to Harry 
> > out of nostalgia contradict that? 

imamommy:

Look, IMO only, I think that most (not all!)of the Trio's 
rulebreaking is, in their minds at least, for a greater good.  Harry 
usually has good reasons for breaking rules.  Maybe it's because I 
had clueless parents and had to sort of chart my own course, but 
Harry's independent tendencies strike a chord for me.  I think Lupin 
identifies with Harry, and knows that there will be good uses for the 
map in the future.

Also, Lupin helped make the map.  So he may not feel there is 
anything wrong in using it.  He doesn't feel the need to control 
Harry's every move, and nor do I.  I don't think that adds up to bad 
influence, just to trusting Harry to make up his own mind.
> > 
> > ~Eloise
> 
> 
> I agree with Eloise - great post, by the way.  
> 
> Lupin is one of those characters who's gone down in my estimation as
> the series has progressed.  Not as far down as Molly, who I dislike
> quite strongly, but enough to make me think that Lupin's lack of
> involvement in Harry's life is probably a good thing for Harry.

imamommy:

Interesting, because I like Lupin's method's and I like Molly even 
more.
 
> I don't think Snape gets nearly enough credit for his "demented
> mother hen" act for Harry.  Yes he's snide and insulting when
> reminding Harry of Harry's youth and lack of experience and all the
> rest, and yes, he's a big old meany-head.  But he's right about an
> awful lot of stuff and if you get past his cutting edge, there's a
> lot of sound common sense too.
>
imamommy

But I don't see it as "demented mother hen," because I don't think 
Snape's motivation is to teach or protect Harry.  I think it is to 
punish him and keep him downtrodden.  

> His raking down of Harry in POA over his going into Hogsmeade is
> actually quite accurate.  There are a lot of people giving up their
> time and energy to keep Harry safe - I'm sure the teachers just love
> working a whole day, grading essays or tests in the evening and then
> taking night shifts to look out for Sirius Black.  And there's never
> a hint that Harry ever thinks about this aspect of things, that 
these
> people are putting themselves out for him.  All he does is pout 
about
> the unfairness of not going to Hogsmeade.  Frankly if I was a 
teacher
> with no particular closeness to the Potter family, I might be more
> than a little ticked at Harry's refusal to co-operate until Black 
was
> found.

imamommy

Firstly, why didn't Snape turn Harry over to McGonagall?  Snape 
didn't need to be involved in punishing him (and I'm sure MM would 
have done an adequate job, even in his eyes).  I think Snape was 
issuing vengeance, not discipline.

Secondly, yes, Harry's disregard for the rules in this instance is 
frankly dangerous, especially over what seems so trivial in our 
minds.  But think about the importance of this in a 13-yr-old's 
life.  He still deserves to be treated with respect, IMO, and Snape 
never gives him that.

(Big sigh!) I don't hate Snape.  I have compassion for him and what 
he may have suffered.  But I am of the opinion that he is carrying a 
personal vendetta against Harry too far.  He sometimes makes a good 
point, but I don't think his motivation is to help Harry in any way.

Unless it's all an act.

imamommy