FILK: Son

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 90922

Star Opal recently complained about the dearth of Dursley filks, and 
addressed this need with a brilliant filk of her own – here's another 
attempt to fill this glaring gap.

Son

To the tune of One from A Chorus Line

A MIDI at

http://www.hamienet.com/cat2052.html

THE SCENE: Little Whinging. THE DURSLEYS – who despite their manifold 
shortcomings in multiple areas, do seem to understand the concept of 
unconditional acceptance – celebrate the virtues of their one & only 

VERNON & PETUNIA
Son
Born of `Tun and Vernon
Dudley D. of Privet Drive
One
Appetite a-yearnin'
For a riveting life.
One nephew living here with us who's always blue
Big D has hit Harry harder
Than You-Know-Who.

Once got 39 presents
Broke them in all in a few days
Never in his power plays undone, son
Ooh! Sigh! Fame, dare not be fickle!
To our Diddykins the Ickle
He's our son!

Son
Born of Vern and `Tunia
Ev'ry thing he does, he rocks
One
Slug from him will wound ya -
He cleans Mark Evans' clock!
One diet, suddenly Dudley's a boxing champ.
No other student displaying
This foxy stamp
He's what his cousin resents
But his folks are truly blessed
For our boy has no arrests, not one, hon. 
Ooh! Sigh! Every gal at Smeltings!
Soon your heart will be a-melting!
He's our son!

(Enter DUDLEY and his gang PIERS, MALCOLM & GORDON, systematically 
dismantling the Little Whinging park playground)

DUDLEY & GANG (severally)
-One, two, break it down
-Born of `Tun and Vernon
-Pound around
-Nice right hook
-Straight to his head
-Three, four
-Squealed like a pig
-Follow through
-Up, down
-Feel him fried
-Ham-like hands, to fists 
-Strike, bash,
-Three, four, suddenly Dudley's a
.
-Champ, clamp up
-Step an' step, slow
-Three, four, five, six,
-Swing, set, back, break, five, six...
-Break, break!

ALL FOUR:
Never in my/his power plays undone, son
We cry!  Keep us free from scandal 
Stay free, Diddykins the Vandal
It's such fun!

VERNON, PETUNIA & THREE GANG MEMBERS (except Ickle Diddykins)
Son
Born of Vern and `Tunia
Ev'ry thing he does, he rocks
One
Slug from him will wound ya -
He cleans Mark Evans' clock!
One diet, suddenly Dudley's our boxing champ.
No other student displaying
This foxy stamp
He's what his cousin resents
But we/his folks are truly blessed
For our/their boy has no arrests, not one, hon
Ooh! Sigh! Every gal at Smeltings!
Soon your heart will be a-melting!
He's our/their son!
Son! Son! Son!
SON!!!

    -	CMC  

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm