FILK: Coughing Fake

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 87897

Coughing Fake (OOP, Chap. 28)

To the tune of Coffee Break from How to Succeed in Business Without 
Really Trying

Dedicated to Diana

THE SCENE: Gryffindor Commons. Several Gryffindors plot the demise of 
one Dolores Jane Umbridge.

DEAN (spoken)
There's that coughing


LEE (spoken)
That coughing


GINNY (spoken)
That coughing


RON (spoken)
That coughing


HARRY:
That coughing!

HERMIONE:
That coughing! 

ALL:
Agggghhhhhh!

FRED (music):
If we can't break
That coughing fake,
That coughing fake,
That coughing fake...
If we can't break
That coughing fake,
We are unfit to Wheeze.

FRED & GEORGE:
We'll cry that we're unfit to Wheeze

GEORGE:
If we can't do
Our humble bit
For Dumbledore 
Before we quit,
And make Phase One
A mega-hit
We are unfit to Wheeze

CHORUS OF GRYFFINDORS:
They'll cry that they are unfit to Wheeze!

(severally)
That coughing!
That coughing!
That coughing!
That coughing! (What!)
That coughing! (Ahhh!)
That coughing!
That coughing! (No!)

FRED:
These fireworks
Will have to be incandescent.
You'll see them blaze
As we romp

GEORGE:
The corridor
Doesn't have to remain solid,
With the right prompt, it's a swamp.
By using our magical subjects
With all due pomp.

CHORUS OF GRYFFINDORS:
You will stomp!

(GINNY adds her patented Umbridge impersonation in the background)

CHORUS OF GRYFFINDORS & (GINNY):
We must attack
That coughing hack (HEM HEM!), 
That coughing hack (HEM HEM!), 
That coughing hack  (HEM HEM!),
We must attack (HEM HEM!),
That coughing hack (HEM HEM!),...

FRED & GEORGE:
We'll employ all our expertise!

CHORUS OF GRYFFINDORS:
Yes, they'll employ all their expertise!

(As the instrumental bridge begins, segue to the first floor 
corridor. FRED & GEORGE unleash their pyrotechnics, as Umbridge and 
Filch make increasingly desperate and ineffective attempts to arrest 
the chaos)

CHORUS OF GRYFFINDORS:
 Coughing!  Coughing!  Coughing!  Coughing!  Coughing!  Coughing!  
Coughing! Coughing! Ahh!

GEORGE:
If we can't break 
That coughing fake.

FRED:
We've the backbone of cottage cheese

CHORUS OF GRYFFINDORS:
Coughing, coughing...

GEORGE:
We have some cowardly disease.

CHORUS OF GRYFFINDORS:
Coughing, coughing...

FRED & GEORGE:
Coughing is going to...

FRED, GEORGE & CHORUS OF GRYFFINDORS (right fists raised in the air, 
as fireworks flare behind them)
Coughing we'll not appease!
Coughing we'll not appease!
Coughing we'll not appease!

Coughing is going to
Cease!

  -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm 

(updated 1/1/04 with 47 new filks, two new musicals, one new Beatles 
album, and a bunch of brand-new pictures)