FILK: A Dumbledore Army

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 88002

A Dumbledore Army (OOP, Chap. 27)

To the tune of The Brotherhood of Man, from Frank Loesser's How to 
Succeed in Business Without Even Trying

Dedicated to Loony

Hear a MIDI at

http://www.hamienet.com/cat329.html

THE SCENE: The Headmaster's Office. Before FUDGE and his minions, 
DUMBLEDORE offers a mock-confession to save HARRY from expulsion

DUMBLEDORE (spoken): Well, the game is up: would you like a written 
confession from me, Corenlius – or will a filksong before these 
witnesses suffice?

(music):
Now you may think that Potter here
Was forming clubs in secret
And plotting deeds so dastardly,
That few could dare to speak it.

But insofar as he's concerned
All charges you must drop.
For you shall learn that this fell scheme
Started right at the top

There is a Dumbledore Army,
A malevolent Dumbledore Army,
A troop of sociopaths
To fight your heliopaths
As my own Dumbledore Army

This list of student invitees 
I'm a-hoping to make them recruitees 
Oh, they'd be proud to be in my conspiracy
The big bad Dumbledore Army!

HARRY (spoken): No, Professor Dumbledore!

DUMBLEDORE (spoken): Be quiet, Harry, or I am afraid you will have to 
leave my office
.Now, Cornelius, stop and think
..

(music, to FUDGE) Although I this confession make
Here's one thing you should know
Though you have plans to bring me in
I quietly won't go.
Your placing me in Azkaban.
Would merely waste my time
I'd simply have to hurt you then
To prove to you that I'm



.In 


CHORUS OF PORTRAITS:

In
.

DUMBLEDORE:

With


CHORUS OF PORTRAITS:

.With


DUMBLEDORE:

.The
.

CHORUS OF PORTRAITS:

.The
.

DUMBLEDORE & CHORUS

.Dumbledore Army
Dedicated to causing harm, are we

DUMBLEDORE:
Oh, we are going to seize
Of all of your Ministries

CHORUS OF PORTRAITS:
With the great Dumbledore Army!

FUDGE (spoken, stunned): No kidding!
(music) Is there really a Dumbledore
..

PERCY, UMBRIDGE & DAWLISH (backup):
Yes, there's a Dumble
.

FUDGE:

.Army?

PERCY, UMBRIDGE & DAWLISH (backup):
There is a Dumble


FUDGE:
A belligerent Dumbledore Army?

PERCY, UMBRIDGE & DAWLISH:
Oh, yes! Oh, yes!
He takes such umbrage 
`Gainst Fudge & Umbridge

FUDGE:
He's formed a Dumbledore Army

PERCY, UMBRIDGE & DAWLISH:
Oh, yes! This list of students that we've seized 
Is a-proving that Dumble is displeased

FUDGE, PERCY, UMBRIDGE & DAWLISH
Oh, aren't you proud to be
Smashing conspiracies
Of big bad Dumbledore's Army?

FUDGE (to DUMBLEDORE):
Oh, you'll soon be kneeling
Time to send you reeling
Down with Dumble-dealing
Oh, Albus!
You, I got you

(To PERCY, UMBRIDGE, DAWLISH & Shacklebolt)

You, go get him
.

McGONAGALL (scat singing)
Skeep-beep de bop-bop beep bop bo-dope skeetle-at-de-op-de-dum

(The orchestral bridge is staged as a heavily stylized dance 
sequence, DUMBLEDORE successively stuns each of the Ministry 
representatives, starting with DAWLISH, then PERCY, UMBRIDGE, 
Shacklebolt - exchanging a wink before doing so – and finally FUDGE)

McGONAGALL  (with CHORUS as back-up)
That pompous Min'stry drip will be
Quite a-sorry he dared to cross Dumbly
Ol' Fudge is gonna be livin' in infamy
Due to the Army
..

CHORUS
Soldiers!

McGONAGALL
Soldiers!

CHORUS
Sailors!

McGONAGALL
Sailors!

CHORUS
Seekers!

McGONAGALL
Seekers!

DUMBLEDORE (to HARRY, with antiphonal choral backup)
Now, please remember to, Harry
Keep a-learning all your Occlumency
Oh, I'm so proud to see you've made reality
Of the great Dumble
..

ARMANDO DIPETT (scat singing)
Skeep-beep de bop-bop beep bop bo-dope skeetle-at-de-op-de-dum

DUMBLEDORE, McGONAGALL & CHORUS
Dumble! 

PHINEAS NIGELLUS (scat singing)
Skeep-beep de bop-bop beep bop bo-dope skeetle-at-de-op-de-dore

DUMBLEDORE, McGONAGALL & CHORUS
Dumble! 

DILYS DERWENT (scat singing)
Skeep-beep de bop-bop beep bop bo-dope skeetle-at-de-op-de-dore

DUMBLEDORE, McGONAGALL & CHORUS
Dumble! 

FAWKES (scat singing)
Skeep-beep de bop-bop beep bop bo-dope skeetle-at-de-op-de-dore

ALL:
Dumbledore Army! Yeah! 

(DUMBLEDORE grasps Fawkes' tail and vanishes in a flash of fire. The 
MINISTERS regain consciousness. FUDGE dismisses McGONAGALL, HARRY & 
Marietta.) 

PHINEAS (spoken): You know, Minister, I disagree with Dumbledore on 
many counts
.but you cannot deny that he's got style.  

    -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS
 http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm
(have you seen our New Years' update?)