FILK: I Believe You’ll Lose/Lifelong Ban

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 88012

I Believe You'll Lose/Lifelong Ban (OOP, Chap. 19)

To the tune of Gotta Stop That Man & I Believe In You from Frank 
Loesser's How to Succeed in Business Without Even Trying 

Hear a MIDI at

http://www.hamienet.com/cat329.html

Dedicated to Ginger

THE SCENE: The Quidditch field. For the first game of the season, and 
RON's debut as Keeper, it's Slytherin vs. Gryffindor. As the two 
teams take the field, DRACO plots to musically unhinge his opponents 

ANGELINA (spoken, to RON): All set for the big game?

RON (spoken, without much conviction) Ah – yeah – wish me luck

SLYTHERIN QUIDDITCH TEAM:
(spoken, sarcastically) Good luck!

(music, aside)
Gonna stop their team
We're gonna stop that team's goals
Through Ron Weasley.

Big house of lion
We'll see `em by slow inches dyin'
Gonna stop, gonna stop,
Gonna stop that Ron.
That Ron....

(As the game commences, DRACO leads, from atop his broom, the 
SLYTHERIN CHORUS in a song of his own devising)

DRACO:
Now there he is.
Yes, there's that guy
That guy we style "Our King"
It will so harass him to
Here us say it.
So let us all sing,
Let us now sing. 

DRACO & SLYTHERIN CHORUS 
You have the clumsy 
Clasp of a Keeper without any clues

Yet, there's that snail reflex
That cannot Quaffle-entry refuse 

DRACO
Oh, I believe you'll lose
I believe you'll lose

DRACO & SLYTHERIN CHORUS
I see those peasant roots
Of one using a bin for a bed.

Yet, there's that regal air 
Of King Charles when losing his head
(Chop! Chop!)

DRACO
Oh, I believe you'll lose
I believe you'll lose

(Ron is so stunned by the incredible sophistication and wit of 
DRACO's lyrics that he is unable to concentrate on the game, allowing 
the SQT to score at will. Fortunately, HARRY grabs the Snitch to 
secure victory)

FRED (to HARRY): 
Just when my faith in my younger bro
Took a tailspin
I've but to see your hand grasp the Snitch
To know we win,
Know we win!

(As the TWINS and the GQT congratulate HARRY, DRACO decides the time 
is ripe to bait them)

DRACO 
You have the swollen 
Rep of a Seeker who most overrate

So I'll bad-mouth your folks
And you'll all boil over with hate.

HARRY, FRED & GEORGE
Oh, we believe you're through
We believe you're through


(HARRY & GEORGE attack DRACO, as FRED is just barely restrained from 
doing so by his teammates. Enter UMBRIDGE with the SQT)

UMBRIDGE & SLYTHERIN QUIDDITCH TEAM:
That's a lifelong ban.
That's a lifelong ban.

(THE SLYTH CHORUS play Kazoos as UMBRIDGE theatrically unscrolls her 
latest decree)

We'll stop you three

We now feel smugly
We even can rhyme "fat" and "ugly"

Gonna start, gonna start,
Gonna start that ban

DRACO & UMBRIDGE
Oh, I believe you're through


SLYTHERIN QUIDDITCH TEAM
No longer are you three heroes

DRACO & UMBRIDGE
Oh, I believe you're through


DRACO, UMBRIDGE & SLYTHERIN QUIDDITCH TEAM:
It's a lifelong ban!
Now we stopped them!
Take their brooms!
How we stopped them!
Got a lifelong ban! Yeah!

(EXIT the GQT in total dejection as SLYTHERIN gloats triumphantly)

    -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS
 http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm