FILK: New Rogue Elf & Happy to Serve Lord Voldemort

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 88281

New Rogue Elf & Happy to Serve Lord Voldemort 

To the tune of New Rochelle & Happy To Keep His Dinner Warm from 
Frank Loesser's How to Succeed in Business Without Even Trying 

Dedicated to Gail B. 

THE SCENE: 12 Grimmauld Place. HARRY is introduced to the Black 
family domestic help by RON and Hermione.

HARRY: Who's Kreacher?

RON: The house-elf who lives here. Nutter. Never met one like him
.

(music)
New rogue elf, new rogue elf
He's the staff at this mansion so glum
Dobby may remind us of Jar-Jar
But Kreacher is strictly Gollum.

He mutters
His utter
Hatred of all things DEs revile
He isn't so nice, this new rogue elf,
He's sure ain't no SPEW poster child



(spoken) C'mon let's go to dinner, I'm starving
..

(EXIT the TRIO, leaving KREACHER behind with a sinister gleam in his 
eye.)

KREACHER (spoken):
Unnatural little beasts they are, oh how my Mistress would cry, if 
Kreacher's Mistress saw him in such company, what would she say.
.and 
what else would Kreacher's Mistress say if she knew that Kreacher had 
taken up singing filksongs, oh the degradation of it, the shame


Key of E-Flat, if you will
.

(music)
I'll be so happy to serve Lord Voldemort
In the third person with cursin'
Happy to help his total war
As Mistress eerily screams them all down



I'll be there,
Hoping to help advance his cause
Perhaps through spying, 
And lying
Hoping to say
"Dear Sirius,
You're dead meat!"
Once You-Know-Who
Comes to town
.

I'm forced to obey traitor filth  
I reject,
To mask my true self
Through a passively-plus-aggressive disrespect.
I long to betray ev'ry Auror in this town
Who wear Phoenix gowns
I'm hoping



..To save the family photographs
Which I'll deposit
In closet

Happy to serve Lord Voldemort
As Mistress eerily screams them all down
.
Eerily screams them all down!

(end music)

(spoken) Nasty little bit of boring filksong, oh my poor list elves, 
what would say if they read Kreacher's dreadful attempts at this most 
inferior of artforms, oh, the disgrace of it all, and no RealAudio or 
MIDI file either, oh the disgrace

..

(Exit KREACHER.  Mother Black begins screaming)

    -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm