FILK: The Song of the Tebo

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 90019

The Song of the Tebo

To the tune of Veggie Tales' The Song of the Cebu

Lyrics can be found here:

http://www.hamienet.com/lyrics83449.html

A MIDI is here:

http://www.julia4christ.org/index_music2.htm

Dedicated - of course! to Ginger (the Maven who does *everything*)

THE SCENE: Potions' Dungeon. For extra credit, NEVILLE is giving an 
oral presentation with a few Audio-Visual aids 

HERMIONE (spoken): Ladies and gentlemen, fellow students! Neville 
Longbottom presents a musical, electronic, multi-magical 
extravaganza: The Song of the Tebo!

NEVILLE (music): Tebo! 

(With an antiquated slide projector - powered by a 500-mile 
extension cord - NEVILLE begins showing a series of slides on a 
bedsheet hanging in midair  – he is apparently alone in every photo)

(spoken, with musical accompaniment) This is a song about a boy ... 

A song about a wizard boy and his Tebo ... 

A song about a wizard boy and his three Tebos ... 

The wizard boy who had a red Tebo
.a blue Tebo
.and an orange 
Tebo
.And also a Longhorn.

(NEVILLE is momentarily flustered by a series of slides unrelated to 
his presentation)

Um ... um ... this is a picture of me at St. Mungo's
.This is my 
Great-Uncle Algernon
.This is me standing up to Crabbe
.And this is 
me fighting both Crabbe and Goyle.

CHORUS OF GRYFFINDORS: (with admiration) Ohh!

NEVILLE: This is me after fighting Crabbe and Goyle

CHORUS: (shocked) Ahh!

NEVILLE: This is me getting out of Madam Pomfrey's six weeks after 
fighting Crabbe and Goyle ... I think that's Crabbe's cousin. He's a 
Fire Crab!

SNAPE: Hold it! You call this a multi-magical extravaganza? This is 
a Muggle slide projector and a bed sheet! And where on earth are the 
Tebos, anyway?

NEVILLE: They're invisible. See?

SNAPE: (momentary silence) Yes. Well, very good. This is against my 
better judgment, but carry on!

(The Song Proper now begins)

NEVILLE: (music) Tebo! (spoken, to CHORUS) Sing it with me! (music) 
Tebo!

CHORUS: Tebo!

NEVILLE: Boy is looking for Tebo

CHORUS: Boy is looking for Tebo

NEVILLE: And he searches high and low

CHORUS: And he searches high and low

NEVILLE: Red Tebo is going from Zaire, to Togo go, to Togo go
to Togo go, to Togo go go go go 

CHORUS: To Togo go, To Togo go, To Togo go,
To Togo go, To Togo go, To Togo go go go

NEVILLE: Longhorn giving big bellow

CHORUS: Longhorn giving big bellow

NEVILLE: Can't see boy or three Tebos

CHORUS: Can't see boy or three Tebos

NEVILLE: Big Longhorn is roaring and calling, Goes to and fro, goes 
to and fro, goes to and fro, goes to and fro fro fro 

CHORUS: Goes to and fro, goes to and fro, goes to and fro, goes to 
and fro, goes to and fro, goes to and fro fro fro 

NEVILLE: Tebo!

CHORUS: Tebo!

NEVILLE: Tebo!

CHORUS: Tebo!

NEVILLE & CHORUS: Oh, woe, you know, oh, woe, you know, oh, woe, you 
know, oh, woe, you know, oh, woe, you know, oh, woe, you know, Tebo!

NEVILLE: Longhorn eat the red Tebo

CHORUS: Longhorn eat the red Tebo

NEVILLE: Wash it down with nice Bordeaux 

CHORUS: Wash it down with nice Bordeaux

NEVILLE: Strong Longhorn is eating and drinking. Mmm-mmm mmm mmm, 
mmm-mmm mmmmmm, mmm-mmm mmm mmm, mmm-mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

CHORUS: Mmm-mmm mmm mmm, mmm-mmm mmm mmm, mmm-mmmmmm mmm, mmm-mmm 
mmm mmm mmm mmm

(Slide projector suddenly melts. Musical accompaniment stops.) 

NEVILLE: (spoken) Uh-oh.

SNAPE: (spoken, caught up in the story in spite of himself) Well! 
What happens next?

NEVILLE: Um ...

SNAPE: Why did the Tebos leave Zaire for Togo? What is a Romanian 
Longhorn doing in West Africa? Doesn't the Longhorn have to able to 
*see* the Tebo in order to eat it? How did the other two Tebos 
escape? How can you know what color a Tebo is when they're 
invisible? Where did the dragon get its Bordeaux? And what, Mr. 
Longbottom, are you doing on the African continent fooling around 
with highly dangerous "Five-X" Beasts? You can't just give a 
presentation like this based on an imaginary narrative!  I'm going 
to have to speak to your Head of House about this.

NEVILLE: But wait – I've still the "show and tell" part, with my 
highly trained Tebo. (music, calling out) Tebo!

CHORUS: Tebo!

(A huge reptilian foot crashes through the ceiling. Music again 
stops.)

NEVILLE (spoken): No, wait ...that's the Longhorn.

(SNAPE & CHORUS flee in panic)

NEVILLE & LONGHORN (music)
No more song about Tebo! 
Everybody want to go! 
Audience is fleeing and screaming, and so no show, and so no show, 
and so no show, and no no no no show
 
ORANGE TEBO (suddenly materializing, spoken): I told you we shoulda 
done this in the greenhouse!

NEVILLE: I don't know, I just can't see it.  

     -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS
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