[HPforGrownups] Re: Sirius revisited--emotional maturity (Very long)

[Sherry Gomes]

No: HPFGUIDX 104821

demetra wrote:
> "I'm bored," said Sirius.  "Wish it was full moon."
> "You might," said Lupin darkly from behind his book.   (OotP, page 
> 645)
> No, I think that Lupin did mind Sirius' comment.  Why else would he 
> reply "darkly".  I think it was a thoughtlessly cruel comment on 
> Sirius' part, perhaps one of those impulsive outbursts.  But notice, 
> even when Lupin calls him on it, there is no apology.  I don't even 
> think Sirius caught on that he was being obnoxious.  

Del replies :
I agree. Compare this with the scene between Harry and Ginny :
(OoP, UK p.441-442)
"Well, that was a bit stupid of you," said Ginny angrily, "seeing as
you don't know anyone but me who's been possessed by You-Know-Who, and
I can tell you how it feels."
Harry remained quite still as the impact of these words hit him. Then
he wheeled around.
"I forgot," he said.
"Lucky you," said Ginny coolly.
"I'm sorry," Harry said, and he meant it.

Harry forgot one of his friends' particularities (and that was about
something that happened more than 2 years ago, not last month), but
when Ginny shows that it's still a sensitive issue for her, Harry
apologises. Sirius didn't.

Del

Sherry now:

Ok, I wasn't going to say anything more about this, because, I am absolutely
sure that my dad and stepmother would have felt as Demetra does, in the
beginning, if they saw my friends and I teasing and heard comments about my
blindness or my juvenile arthritis.  However, I took the Lupin said darkly
completely differently than either of you.  Here's how I took it.  Let's say
a friend of mine gave me a bad time and teased me about something to do with
one of my disabilities.  I might reply darkly--and by that I mean in a
menacing tone or something--watch out or I'll hit you over the head with my
white cane.  Or if it happened now, I might threaten to have my guide dog
attack.  I might say it deadpan, with no smile and in a dark tone, but
anyone who knows me would know I wasn't offended.  My dog would certainly
never attack anyone!  Anyone who knows anything about guide dogs would know
that, too.  But again, if a casual acquaintance or coworker or stranger said
the same thing, I would be angry and offended.  

I believe that the friendship between Lupin and Sirius is too close for
Lupin to have taken him seriously or been offended.  Otherwise, why are they
so close later, described as being like brothers?  Yes, I know, in POA, they
embraced like brothers.  But their friendship throughout the rest of the
books doesn't show any strain, and indeed, Lupin seems to be the only one,
except maybe Dumbledore, who can have any impact on Sirius and make him stop
and think.  

I totally can understand the parents on this list reacting as they do, but
speaking as a person who has been disabled all my life, most of us are not
offended by teasing from our friends.  People may have to earn the right to
tease us, but if we trust them ... just like anyone's trusted friends can
tease them about whatever.  We aren't any different in that way.  And now,
as an adult, my family, stepmother and siblings all tease me, as I do them,
but they would sure jump on anyone else who did.  It's a matter of
closeness.  I know I'm not saying this well.  Sigh.  At least, I know what I
mean, even if I just can't seem to get it across as I'd like!  *smile*

Sherry G