[HPforGrownups] Re: CHAPTER DISCUSSION: Chapter 22 - St. Mungo's Hospital

Wed Jul 7 15:50:06 UTC 2004

No: HPFGUIDX 104841

[Wendy wrote]:
| > > My answers are 1) they sure don't seem to care about him in this
| > > scene; and 2) not a whole heck of a lot.
|
| Lee added :
| > Molly's being over-motherly for the most part, Moody doesn't have
| > much empathy, Lupin's trying but I think he feels bound by some
| > orders as well as trying to maintain a "peace-maker" role...all
| > adding up to something vague and not as supportive as Harry really
| > needs.
|
| Del replies, with a very puzzled look on her face :
| OK you two, I'm completely at sea here ! Could you tell me what you
| think the adults should do to show support to Harry ? It seems to me
| that they're doing a good job, but obviously you don't think so, but I
| can't for the life of me figure what you think they should be like.
| Please enlighten me, would you ?

[Lee]:
Okay, if I were there, I would probably try to pull Harry aside, privately,
and let him know, not in some vague way but point-blank, look, I really care
about you and I know this is rough on you; I don't know exactly what it
feels like to see what you're seeing and such, but I'm here if you really
want to talk.  I'd let him know that as much as I might want to give him the
answers he need/wants, I can't, not because I feel he's incapable of
understanding but because the timing is wrong and, when possible, I'd give
him the information.  I'd try to extend myself to him by just making myself
available.

Sometimes, people need a very direct approach, not just a lot of
over-mothering and, considering that Harry's not had any good adult role
models at home--and I stress at home--during his formative years, one can't
assume that he's going to want to easily trust an adult with what's
happening inside him.  The direct approach, IMO, would put out a welcome
mat, so to speak, inviting him to take advantage of a good listening ear.
Sometimes listening is the key, and I don't feel there was very much real
listening and response from those Harry hoped he could count on.

[I had written]:
| > Yes, Yes! And there are times when his peers aren't so "in his
| > corner" either.  Harry's sort of running the gauntlet alone in many
| > places in the book.
|
| Del replies :
| Uh, you kind of lost me with your idioms, but I'll assume I understood
| what you meant :-) (I do that all the time ;-)
| So you say Harry is on his own most of the time ? I say : yes of
| course, he's a teenager ! Most teenagers *feel* like they are all
| alone with their problems, so it doesn't surprise me that Harry feels
| the same. However, many teenagers are wrong in thinking that nobody's
| there for them, and Harry is wrong too. But most teenagers won't
| accept help even when it is offered to them, they will pretend
| everything is OK or that they can handle things on their own, and so
| Harry does too.
|
| We see how Harry feels and seems all alone to face his problems, but
| that's only because the book is about Harry. I'm sure if we saw things
| through Ron or Hermione's eyes, we'd see that they too feel and seem
| all alone. And Neville too !

[Lee]:
I can agree to a point, but, as I stated above, sometimes a very direct
approach is needed to cut through the barriers or, at least, create a tiny
window...in other words, Harry, in his mind, doesn't feel the availability
of a good adult listener; everyone seems to have his/her own
agenda--protecting (or over-protecting Harry)--but no one has really come to
him and said, "I *really* am interested in what *you're* feeling and what
*you* need."

I know that, for myself, I respect that kind of approach when I'm under
stress.  I don't like it when people just try to come in and take over and
control my surroundings, even though their intentions may be good and they
might think they're taking some of the stress off.  I much prefer someone
saying to me, "What can I do to be of help to you?"  IMO, Harry may be
feeling the same way.

[I had written]:
| > I hear ya.  I don't know about you, but when I was a kid, I used to
| > do a lot of extra-curricular listening. :-)  And it's amazing how
| > parents can discuss a child like an object or whatever.  I used to be
| > annoyed but, at the same time, fascinated at the things they talked
| > about. :)
|
| Del replies :
| Yep, because that's the *normal* way to talk about people. Isn't it
| what we do on this list too ? We talk about characters we sometimes
| care a lot about, but too often it comes accross as a cold analysis of
| some bizarre object. It's normal.

[Lee]:
Yes and no...On the list, yes; but I really do try *not* to talk about
people I know like that because I know how hurtful that can be.  Trust
me...I get on doctors' cases a lot when I hear a clinical analysis done on
someone I care about and, for example, when discussing a procedure or
something, my first question is, "If you were in my position and needed this
done or your spouse needed this done, would you recommend it?"  That has
been known to give them pause. :-)

Cheers,

Lee :-)

Do not walk behind me,    | Lee Storm
I may not care to lead;   | N2FGC
Do not walk before me;    | n2fgc at arrl.net (or)
I may not care to follow; | n2fgc at optonline.net
Walk beside me, and be my friend.