The Voldy To Do List Re: the Voldy CV (was "Eleven years")

[bluesqueak]

No: HPFGUIDX 106272

Carolyn writes:
> Between 1970-1980 he does finally get to have some evil fun and 
> games, and then a spy reports to him half Trelawny's prophecy in 
> June/July 1980 'shortly before [Harry's] birth'. This clearly 
> bothers him a lot, and as Kneasy has recently pointed out, he is 
> so uncertain what to do that he inexplicably waits some 15 months 
> before trying to kill a baby, gets zapped for his trouble, and 
> disappears for another 11 years.

Pip!Squeak writes:
The 15 months wait is hardly his fault. Consider the 'to do' list 
he's got to get through.

1. Call in minions. Assign minion to do survey on all survivors of 
DE/Voldemort attacks. Determine subset of those who've survived 
exactly three.

2. Once category of 'defied three times' has been determined, assign 
minion to determine whether any pregnancies within group. Due date 
should be within the range of June to mid August, allowing for 
premature and late births.

3. Set up feasibility study on possibilities of slaughtering all 
pregnant women within subcategory.

4. On being told current DE manning levels cannot support mass 
attack, twiddle fingers until August 1.

5. August 1, assign minion to determine which pregnant women within 
subcategory gave birth to male between July 20th and July 31st.

6. On receiving information, note that all parental units of 
potential prophetic subject are experienced members of Order of the 
Phoenix. Assign intelligence unit to ascertain locations of parental 
units and potential prophetic subjects.

7. Inform intelligence unit that they don't have any (intelligence). 
Torture intelligence unit. Assign subversion unit to prepare report 
on known associates of parental units, with assessments of any 
relevant weaknesses. 

8. Simultaneously assign research unit to prepare report on spells 
that might be used to hide parental units and potential prophetic 
subjects, with assessments of how such spells might be broken.

9. Personally prepare strategic analysis of which set of parental 
units are most likely to produce potential prophetic subject of 
equal power to self.

9a. Say 'b**ger it' and toss coin.

10. On receiving subversion unit's report select Peter Pettigrew as 
most likely subject. Decide subversion unit's proposed approach 
of 'hi, I'm the Dark Lord, just want you to do a little spying for 
me, by the way, you don't object to killing small babies do you?' is 
unlikely to be effective as initial approach. Torture subversion 
unit. Assign remaining subversion unit to prepare longer term but 
probably more effective method whereby Pettigrew is first only asked 
for minor and harmless information,  slowly grooming him until 
slaughtering small babies is no longer a problem.

11. Twiddle fingers impatiently while waiting for longer term plan 
to take effect. Read research unit's report on concealment spells.

12. Prepare plan to counteract Fidelius Spell becoming concealment 
method, whilst continuing action against other possible concealment 
spells, frequent changes of location etc. Reveal slaughtering baby 
plan to Pettigrew-minion, and assign him mission of becoming Secret 
Keeper. Wring out robe wet spot where Pettigrew-minion has grovelled 
and begged for mercy. 

13. Request report from Personnel on most effective baby-
slaughterers amongst DE's.

14. Receive report that Pettigrew-minion has succeeded in mission of 
becoming Secret Keeper. Personnel conclude Pettigrew-minion is 
insufficiently groomed to be efficient at baby-slaughtering. Recent 
fatal personnel losses leave self as most effective combat unit 
against Potter parental units and Potter prophetic subject.

15. Undertake combat mission against Potter habitation unit. 
Successfully eliminate parental units.

15a. Discover baby is booby-trapped.

15b. B**ger.



Pip!Squeak

You have been summoned: Accio 2005, the first Harry Potter 
conference in the UK. http://www.accio.org.uk/