FILK: Grim Old Place

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 106675

Grim Old Place (OOP, Chap. 4)

To the tune of The Big Dollhouse, from Marc Shaiman's musical 
Hairspray

Dedicated to Constance Vigilance

(sorry, no MIDI!)

THE SCENE: Grimmauld Place in London. The Order of the Phoenix, with 
Harry in tow, arrives, and prepares to summon forth number 12.

THE OOP:
We're gonna get in
We're gonna get in
We're gonna get in
We're gonna get in our shelter
Our harbor
This grim old place!

(KREACHER steps forth, between numbers 10 and 13 Grimmauld Place)

KREACHER  (spoken):
Wizards and witches, Order of the Phoenix, Master Potter, welcome to 
the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black, centrally located here at 
12 Grimmauld Place. I'm Kreacher, and I'll be your house-elf this 
evening.  Think of me as your most devoted and obedient servant


servant of the Dark Lord! 

MOODY (music, giving a note to Harry)
Step up and then say,
"Albus sent me."

(12 Grimmauld Place magically appears)

LUPIN
The Order of the Phoenix 
Hangs out here rent-free

TONKS
We have ev'rybody here 
Since we made it our base

SHACKLEBOLT
It's an ancient house

ALL OOP:
And a grim old place!

(Enter all into 12 Grimmauld)

HARRY
Beard of Merlin,
What smells so rank?
Looks like the den
Of some foul Death-Eating crank

MOODY 
We can hear Phinny laughing, 
Though we can't see his face. 

PHINEAS (ducking his head into a frame just long enough to sing his 
line)
'Cause you'll never keep me framed
.

ALL PORTRAITS

In this grim old place.

KREACHER & ELF HEADS
Grim place!

HARRY
There's elf heads on the wall

KREACHER, ELF HEADS & PORTRAITS
Grim place!

LUPIN
And snakes

TONKS 
And shrieks

MOODY 
Dark halls! 

MRS. BLACK
They let the scum and filth visit 
What a crass disgrace

(Enter Sirius.)

SIRIUS
Mother, just shut your trap
.

ALL 

.In this grim old place 

The Portraits all begin yelling and screaming at once

SIRIUS (to Harry) 
Yoo hoo, my family's a little evil
They served the Dark Lord 
In a red-hot fever

MRS. BLACK
You betrayed our honor, 
Our nation, our race! 

(Sirius closes the curtains, effectively silencing her)

SIRIUS & OOP:
It's curtains, Mom, 
In this grim old place

(Enter Hermione & The Weasleys  - Molly, Ron, Ginny & the twins) 

HARRY (shouting)
HERM `N' RON 
I HAVE GOT TO COMPLAIN!!
ALL OF YOUR CORRESPONDENCE HAS 
HAS BEEN TOO MUNDANE!!!

HERMIONE & RON
Hey, though you're livid 
We're glad to embrace 
Our grand old pal 
In this grim old place 

(Harry remains standoffish)

ELF HEADS & PORTRAITS
Grim Place! 

HARRY (shouting)
NO NEWS! NO OWLS!

MOLLY (to the twins)
No ears! 

ELF HEADS & PORTRAITS
Grim Place!

RON
Dumble told us, "Don't interfere,
`Cause on Privet Drive
He needs his space.
So don't send no news of this
.

ALL 

..Grim old place!"

(Enter a swarm of doxies and boggarts)

HERMIONE
Harry, I hope you'll
Take my meaning
We ain't had fun
We've been busy cleaning

MOLLY & GINNY
We're trying
To wipe out every trace
.

HERMIONE, WEASLEYS & CHORUS OF DOXIES AND BOGGARTS

..Of doxies and boggarts from 
This grim old place!! 

FRED (displaying a pair of Extendible Ears)
Hey, cool it, Harry 
Just drop the caps 
Why don't ya come and check out
Our killer apps? 

GEORGE 
These wheezes of Weasleys
Now will set the pace.

FRED & GEORGE (each pocketing a doxy)
We'll earn big galleons 
Thanks to this grim place 

ALL 
Grim place! 

HERMIONE & RON
You've come in from the cold 

ALL 
Grim place!

FRED
But he's still ticked
. 

GEORGE

he wasn't told 

(Kreacher pulls back the curtains from Mrs. Black so she can 
participate in the grand finale)

ALL (except Harry)
Harry Potter, he's angry
And this grim old place 
This grim old place 
This grim old place 
Ain't half as grim as he! 
As he! 
As he!

HARRY 
AS ME!!!

    -	CMC

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