"I'm not proud of it"

[Renee]

No: HPFGUIDX 106799

--- In HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com, "huntergreen_3" 
<patientx3 at a...> wrote:
> Slyvia wrote:
> >> "I'm not proud of it" simply isn'tsufficient excuse. I am not 
> convinced that Sirius really thought that he and James were 
arrogant 
> little berks. As HunterGreen points out, he is still calling Snape 
by 
> the silly nickname Snivellus and neither he nor Lupin seem to 
> appreciate how deeply hurt Harry is. <<
> 
> HunterGreen:
> They really don't, do they? Sirius has such a warped view of 
James, 
> that it doesn't occur to him how different Harry is in many ways. 
> When Snape compares James to Harry, Sirius just doesn't see how 
that 
> could be negative. Whereas the moment he sees what James was 
really 
> like, Harry sees it as negative immediately. In fact it *disturbs* 
> him. Its interesting that during the floo-powder scene (just after 
> the pensieve scene), that Lupin and Sirius start talking about 
James 
> in affectionate terms when Harry is clearly very upset. 
> 

Renee:

Yes, Harry's hurt and upset, and maybe Sirius and Lupin don't really 
appreciate this. Or then again, maybe they do but just don't react 
the way some readers would have. A few remarks.

1)Please don't shoot me if I bring up a personal memory; it's not 
OT. Once upon a time I read someone else's diary without asking 
permission and found something unpleasant concering my mother. When 
I complained about this to a third party all he said was: 'If you 
hadn't violated the owner's privacy in the first place, you wouldn't 
be complaining now.' Much to my chagrin, I was forced to admit he 
had a point. 

But mark that neither Sirius nor Lupin engage in blaming Harry or 
pointing out he's being punished for his own fault. They see the 
problem: that his image of his father as a knight without reproach 
has been badly damaged, and that this hurts. So they decide to make 
an attempt to control the damage and repair the image as much as 
possible. I don't see what's intrinsically wrong about their 
reaction. It's not ideal, no. They could have said in so many words 
that what James did was abominable, but this *is* implied in Lupin's 
first words and Sirius admission they were all idiots. Should they 
have said: 'Poor Harry, yes we can see you're suffering, of course 
your father was an *rsehole, and no, we don't understand at all why 
your mother married him?'     

2)Lupin: 'He was only fifteen -' 
Harry: 'I'm fifteen!'
What does he mean to say - I'm fifteen, and if I know better, why 
couldn't my father? Isn't that a little self-righteous, after he's 
invaded Snape's privacy? (NB: I don't believe in the theory that 
Snape left the Pensieve unguarded on purpose.)

But Sirius and Lupin don't call him on it. They come up with the - 
admittedly lame - explanation that Snape was an oddbal and James was 
so cool etc., but all the same they are still trying to put the 
incident into perspective. 

3)"'I'm not proud of it,' said Sirius quickly." Why quickly? My 
interpretation: because Harry seems to be apologising for including 
Sirius in his criticism, and Sirius doesn't want him to, knowing he 
was no better than James: 'We were sometimes arrogant little berks'. 
Sirius actually echoes Snape here, who also repeatedly calls James 
arrogant.  

Compare this to his behaviour in the Shrieking Shack scene in PoA. 
There, he isn't sorry at all for sending Snape straight at a raging 
werewolf - 'Served him right.' Maybe the excuse in OotP isn't 
entirely sufficient, but compared to no excuse at all it is a 
significant improvement.

4)Lupin and Sirius fondly reminiscing. The weakest part in their 
reaction, but only to comprehensible to me - we've got two damaged 
men here, who are reminded of the only happy period in their lives. 
If Harry fails to understand this, it's because he's too young, and 
still struggling to put the incident into perspective. Which brings 
me to

5)The outcome of this conversation. My impression is that Sirius's 
and Lupin's attempt at damage control succeeded fairly well. Harry 
seems to - reluctantly - accept their reaction. He doesn't dwell too 
much on his fathers shortcomings in the rest of OotP, nor does the 
affair keep him awake. 

Renee