FILK: Where Are You, Voldemort?

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 107602

Songs with the word Baltimore in the title are admirably suited to be 
filked in connection with the Dark Lord. Problem is that there aren't 
too many songs fitting that description.

This was the first:

http://home.att.net/~coriolan/secrets.htm#These_Traits_With_Voldemort

And here's the second: 

Where Are You, Voldemort? (OOP, Chap. 1)

To the tune of Good Morning, Baltimore from Marc Shaiman's musical 
(via John Waters) Hairspray

THE SCENE: Little Whinging. HARRY, hiding in Dursley bushes, 
complains of the apparent news blackout with respect to Lord 
Voldemort. 

HARRY
Oh, oh, oh 
Here on TV
Will they tell of He-Who-Can't-Be-Named?
Oh, oh, oh 
Angry at all those
Who would Death-Eat 
But stuck on this street
I listen for clues
On the Evening News
With striking of baggage and
Chopper crash.
Oh, oh, oh
Rolling on out
Of the bushes in
Which I've been stashed....

Where are you, Voldemort?
Why do you wage a phony war?
It is all such a mystery - 
Why you aren't making misery?

Where are you, Voldemort?
Once again no owl from Dumbledore 
But soon they'll all know it's fact
Voldemort's came back

Oh, oh, oh 
My Uncle Vern
Has lately discerned my hiding place 
Oh, oh, oh, 
He had his beefy hands `round my throat
To loudly emote
 
Their son known as Dud
Hangs out with his buds 
He tells his folks,
"I'm with mates drinking tea" 
So, oh, oh 
Don't make me laugh
Since their son's such a hard-core J.D.

Where are you, Voldemort?
Where's the evil we all abhor? 
Where's the rat who his friends betrayed?
Where's the DEs poised to invade?

Where are you, Voldemort?
I will swear by Godric Gryffindor  
The world's gotta wake up to learn 
Voldemort's returned

I've letters from Herm 
I've letters from Ron
All written as if I'm some moron
And even the missives from Sirius Black
All seem to assume that 
I do not know jack!

(Enter DUDLEY and his gang)

DUDLEY & GANG
He doesn't know jack!

HARRY 
So, oh, oh
Give me a break
'Cause I simply can't take it outside the loop
Oh, oh, oh 
Something inside of me makes me curse
At letters too terse 

At Dudders I yell 
While my scar burns like hell 
Just like a driller inside my head
Oh, oh, oh 
I'll pay V back
For his cold-blooded murder of Ced 

DUDLEY & GANG
Where are you, where are you
..
Cold-blooded murder of Ced  

HARRY (& DUDLEY & GANG) 
Where are you, Voldemort?
Saw you at the end of Year Four
Where is your virtuosity
In inflicting atrocity?

And I promise Voldemort 
There's a day when 
I'll mop up the floor 
We'll see through what you've contrived 
What you've contrived
Voldemort's alive..

DUDLEY & GANG
The Boy Who Lived will not survive

HARRY 
Voldemort's alive..

DUDLEY & GANG
The Boy Who Lived will not survive

HARRY 
Voldemort's alive!

-	CMC (who spent the best 11 years of his life in Charm City)

HARRY POTTER FILKS
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm