FILK: You're Doomed

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 93825

Song #11 from the CoS musical A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to 
the Chamber (there will be a total of 16)

You're Doomed (CoS, Chap. 14)

To the tune of I'm Calm, from Sondheim's A Funny Thing Happened on 
the Way to the Forum 

Dedicated to Eustace S.

Text and a brief excerpt here

http://users.bestweb.net/~foosie/forum.htm

THE SCENE: Hagrid's cabin. Present are HAGRID, Fudge, Dumbledore and 
Harry & Ron under the Invisibility Cloak.  Enter LUCIUS, with a 
signed petition

LUCIUS
You're doomed, You're doomed,
You're utterly doomed,
You cannot the "killins" subdue
`Cause I'm such a mean creep
I'll say that a clean sweep 
Is due. 

We're in accord
My governing board
Immediate action demands
Get Hagrid arrested,
Headmaster detested 
Is canned

I have 12 signed governor sigs,
Up is the jig
Hagrid to brig
I tell our grand old man
Dumbledore, Dumbledore, Dumbledore 
Scram

You're doomed, You're doomed,
Soon to be entombed
Your school is now in my control,
Let no one confront me,
I'll say it. . .
Quite bluntly. . .
You're doomed,
Oh, so doomed,
Oh, so . . .

HAGRID (spoken, as he departs from his cabin)
Not Azkaban!

(Exit all, except LUCIUS, who remains behind to gloat)

LUCIUS
I'm damned, I'm damned,
I'm utterly damned,
I'm Ever-So-Evil!indeed
The Gospel according
To Lucius is hoarding 
And greed.

I'm demon-themed
I'm Slytherin green
With pure blood as frozen as ice
In Mudblood tormenting
I'm further augmenting
My vice

With my fell plot, Flourish & Blotts
The Heir is not
Gonna get caught 
Countdown now has begun 
10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2
.One
Thing that's now clear
Good guys disappear,
No more to serve as Hogwarts staff
It's premature to,
But I plan for sure to


(spoken) One to me, for I've set seething hate nigh
..  

HAGRID (spoken, off-stage) Not Azkaban! 

LUCIUS (music) 
..laugh!

(He laughs demonically.)

     -  CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm