RadioTBAY: An interview with Kirley (ridiculously long)

[a_reader2003]

No: HPFGUIDX 94119

Ted Tonks here (1). Good afternoon and welcome to the Witching Hour
(2). I'm standing in for Celestina today, and what a treat Radio TBay 
has lined up for you today ladies! Conjure up a cuppa and wave your 
wand at those dishes, as we launch into an exclusive interview with 
heart-throb Kirley Duke McCormach, lead guitarist in the chart-
topping Weird Sisters (3). Kirley will be delighted to answer any 
questions, so wake up those owls, we want to hear from you ! 

TT: Kirley, thanks for joining us ..can you tell us first of all what 
you wizards are doing in a band called the Weird Sisters ?!

KMcC: Well, that's the joke of course, none of us are witches(4), so 
we are weird sisters. The person who founded the group liked to play 
with ideas about gender and identity. We all look pretty much like 
witches on stage actually – wild and hairy.(5)

TT: But why did you join them in the first place ? Didn't you want to 
be a Quidditch player, after all it runs in the family ?(6)

KMcC: No way – you've no idea how boring Quidditch talk can be, day 
in, day out. Then when my mother got together with Hamish, and he got 
made Minister for Sport.. I had to leave home and do something 
different.(7)

TT: Wasn't there some scandal about Hamish that got hushed up ? All I 
know is that all of a sudden we had Ludo Bagman as Minister for 
Sport, of all people. Great Beater, of course, but hardly a ministry 
man !

KMcC: Well, now Ludo's disappeared as well as Hamish, I suppose its 
alright to talk about it. They were both involved in some huge match-
fixing syndicate run by the goblins. When things got too hot for 
Hamish, and he had to resign, he made sure Ludo got the job so they 
could carry on the scam. Roddy Pontner was in it with them, placing 
stupid bets that tempted other people to have a go.(8) I don't know 
who actually nobbled the players, but I do know they went too far one 
year when Dai Llewellyn got killed rather than give in to their 
intimidation.(9) There's still a lot of it going on even though the 
pair of them have done a runner(10). 

TT: Was there any involvement from the Dark Side in all this ?

KMcC: I think so – they take a cut from most scams that go on. It's 
the same in the music industry.

TT: Really ?! What can you tell us about that ? You're a fan of the 
singer Stubby Boardman aren't you, alias the Death Eater, Sirius 
Black ?(11) Do you know if he was involved in any scams ?

KMcC: Well, from what I can gather, he was a gambler all right, but 
not for money. He was rich, didn't have to work
 drove around on a 
ruddy great motorcycle, had his own place.(12) Witches adored him.
(13) His band was crap though – people used to throw things at them 
when they played !(14) When we were forming our band we knew what not 
to do!(15)

TT: I have to declare an interest here, he's a sort of cousin of 
mine, by marriage.

KMcC: Then you'd know how wild he was – but he'd do anything for his 
friends. I heard he was really worried about his brother, Regulus, 
and that minister's kid Regulus used to hang out with, Barty Crouch. 
They were both into Dark Magic up to their necks. When Regulus was 
murdered, Sirius was very angry. He was determined to find out who'd 
done it. Lots of his friends thought he was getting obsessed and too 
close to the Death Eaters for his own good.(16)

TT: Is that why he used the Stubby Boardman name half the time?

KMcC: Well, it was good cover for investigations, but, in any case, 
wouldn't you try to distance yourself from a family who had stuffed 
house-elves heads on the walls ? oh, sorry.. no offence meant!

TT: None taken, I've never been on speaking terms with my wife's 
family. 

KMcC: The two identities came in useful sometimes. I was only 10 when 
it all happened, but from what I've heard since then, I think he was 
getting pretty close to Regulus's killers when he got arrested. From 
what I can make out, he was hot on their trail the night his mate 
James was blown to pieces, but you can imagine how much that terrible 
killing would have devastated him. Apparently, James Potter was 
closer to him than anyone. After he saw the ruins of their house, he 
set off straightaway after the people who did it, but ended up 
exhausted somewhere near where this woman, Doris whats-her name, 
lived. She saw him in the street and thought he'd come to see her at 
long last (a bit of a groupie I think). Anyway, he collapsed at her 
place for a few hours, trying to pull himself together, and then set 
off again(17). Well, we all know what happened the next day. She 
didn't realise for years that they were the same man.

TT: You seem to know a lot about Sirius, why have you followed the 
case so closely?

KMcC:  Well, he had a relationship with a friend of my mother's. We 
saw quite a lot of him when I was a child. I guess I sort of hero-
worshipped him.. I couldn't believe it when he got carted off to 
Azkaban and I've tried to find out what happened.

TT:  Oh...we have just received an urgent owl from someone called 
Agatha Chubb(18), who is some kind of Quidditch history expert.. 
she's very interested in what you can remember of Hamish MacFarlan, 
as all her efforts to uncover what happened at the ministry have been 
blocked. She wants to know if MacFarlan or your mother ever 
mentioned, or introduced you to someone called Scrimgeour?

KMcC: Yeah, Brutus Scrimgeour often came to my mother's parties – she 
really liked him, and actually she's named after one of his clan(19); 
well, you know what Scots are like – blood thicker than water. He's 
the Editor of the Beater's Bible.(20) I think either he or his son 
works at the Ministry.(21) I remember an awful dinner where he went 
on and on about the first rule in his book `take out the seeker'.(22) 
He sounded as though he really had it in for anyone who played that 
position; sad really, why don't these people get a life? He and Ludo 
Bagman were pretty close.

TT: Agatha seems to think that there is a secret international terror 
organisation linking high ranking government figures and top 
Quidditch players and officials across the world. Have you heard 
anything about that?

KMcC: Only rumours, like everyone else, but I'm right out of my depth 
here.. this is exactly why I play in a band, not chase a snitch.

TT: But you must pick up a lot, being on the road between gigs, 
staying in different places all the time?

KMcC: You learn when to keep your mouth shut. Do you think Celestina 
Warbeck is doing that cover version of the Puddlemere United anthem 
because she wants to – I mean, at her age, thumping out Quidditch 
chants?(23) Ok, so all the proceeds go to St Mungo's, but look at the 
publicity the club will get! I've heard that the Malfoys have shares 
in the team and made her to do it or they'd reveal her past affairs 
with known Death Eaters
St Mungo's were forced to name that ward 
after Dai(24) as part of the same cover up. The donations are all 
hush money.

TT: Ahem, allegedly, allegedly.. remember who I'm standing in for 
this afternoon !

TT: Another owl has just come in.. bit of a sad one this, from a 
friend of a Madam Marsh, doesn't give an address(25). Seems Madam 
Marsh lost her home in Abergavenny because of the gambling syndicate 
you mentioned. Apparently, her business partner, Agatha Timms(26) got 
caught up in it, and eventually lost them their eel farm. Madam Marsh 
had half shares in the farm, but they lost the lot, and now Madam 
Marsh is an alcoholic, living in a pub in the middle of nowhere. Her 
friend says its shocking, seeing an old woman like that worse for the 
wear on public transport all the time.

KMcC: Its extremely sad when you hear these stories. Unfortunately 
crime and Quidditch seem to have gone hand in hand down the 
centuries. 

TT: So, lets get back to your life, Kirley –  what does the future 
hold for you and the band? Your bass player, Donaghan got married 
recently(27) - will that affect the dynamics of the group at all?

KMcC: Well, ironically its yet another Quidditch connection. He 
follows the Kenmare Kestrals, an Irish team, and got pretty close to 
one of their players who plays chaser in the national side after the 
last world cup.(28) I hope it works out for both of them, but I'm 
gloomy about the band having to play at endless Quidditch parties. 
Personally, I'd like to move on, maybe teach guitar instead.
TT: Ladies, you heard it here first! Kirley might be leaving the 
band ! Are you serious about this ?

KMcC: Yeah, I've taken a few soundings. The headmaster at Hogwarts 
was very supportive when I spoke to him about it a year or so ago 
(29). We played at the school Christmas ball as a favour to him - we 
don't usually do kid's discos, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. 
He insisted we sit down afterwards and I really bared my heart to him 
about all this frightening stuff my family had got into. He was very 
interested.. particularly about Bagman.

TT: Have you spoken to him since ? I'm sure he could get you a 
teaching job somewhere.

KMcC: Well, funny thing is, I saw him earlier this year, must have 
been April.. sometime before Easter anyway. We were having a few 
beers in the Hog's Head, and I wouldn't have known it was him if I 
hadn't looked properly. Just sitting there, wrapped in a travelling 
cloak talking to another teacher from the school – one I used to 
know, Professor Egg(30); taught us muggle studies. Clapped me on the 
shoulder and said I must come and talk to him again soon, but the 
barman suddenly whispered something to him, and he disapparated PDQ.

TT: Uh..oh, I think this is a howler coming in..better clear the 
studio quick..

[Howler] KIRLEY MCCORMACH HOW DARE YOU DISCUSS OUR FAMILY ON A PUBLIC 
RADIO SHOW ! HAMISH WAS A SECOND FATHER TO YOU AND YOUR SISTER. I AM 
MORTIFIED..DON'T YOU EVER DARE SHOW UP HERE WITH YOUR DIRTY WASHING 
AGAIN.

TT: Um, right. I think we'll finish there for today..oh, no, duck.. 
here comes another..

[Howler] TED TONKS WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TAKING OVER MY 
RADIO SHOW AND SUGGESTING I TAKE BRIBES ! WE ALL KNOW WHY YOU AND 
ANDROMEDA HAD TO GET MARRIED IN A HURRY! 

KMcC: Ted, are we off-air now..you fancy a beer? There's a lot of 
other stuff I'd like your take on, especially about Sirius



Carolyn
With thanks to Kneasy for getting RadioTBay on air again, and 
trusting this rambling sweeping up of loose ends will in no way 
impede the incredibly serious political interviews he has planned.
**************************************************************
Unbelievable number of REFERENCES..in case you thought I made 
anything up (all to UK editions)

(1) No canon for him being a presenter on the Witching Hour, BUT 
there was a muggle TV newsreader called Ted in PS (p.10), and 
Nymphadora Tonks' father is called Ted, and is described as `muggle-
born' (OOP, p.50 & p.105). It is possible that the Ted's are one and 
the same person, working in the muggle and WW world's TV and radio. 
He is also described as `a right old slob' by Tonks, and this sounds 
like many journalists I have known !
(2)CS, p.31 `And unless Harry's ears were deceiving him, the old 
radio next to the sink had just announced that coming up 
was `Witching Hour, with the popular singing sorceress, Celestina 
Warbeck'.
(3)QA, p.36. Kirley is apparently the son of Catriona McCormack, the 
famous chaser for the Pride of Portree quidditch team in the 1960s. 
The Chocolate Frog cards say his middle name is Duke.
(4)None of the names appear to be female names on the Chocolate Frog 
cards.
(5)GOF, p.365. `they were all extremely hairy, and dressed in black 
robes that had been artfully ripped and torn.
(6)QA, p.36. Catriona's daughter, and his sister, Meaghan currently 
plays keeper for the Pride of Portree team.
(7)QA, p.35. Hamish MacFarlan was captain of the Montrose Magpies 
from 1957-68, and subsequently an `illustrious' Minister for Games & 
Sport. He could have been the Minister before Bagman.
(8)GOF, p.81. Pontner bet that Bulgaria would score first, despite 
Ireland's strong team.
(9)QA, p.33.
(10) OOP, p.175. Judging by the Quibbler's report on how the Tutshill 
Tornadoes were winning the Quidditch league. Ron certainly isn't 
impressed with their tactics, but they are rapidly gaining supporters 
(OOP, p.208)
(11) OOP, p. 174. Mrs Doris Purkiss wrote to the Scribbler claiming 
she spent the evening of 31st October 1981 with Sirius Black, who was 
really Stubby Boardman, former lead singer with The Hobgoblins. 
(12) OOP, p.104. His Uncle Alphard had left him `a decent bit of 
gold'. In POA (p.277/8) he invites Harry to live with him, implying 
he has his own home somewhere.
(13) OOP, p.565. `Sirius was lounging in his chair at his ease, 
tilting it back on two legs. He was very good-looking
.a girl sitting 
behind him was eying him hopefully, although he didn't seem to have 
noticed.' 
(14)OOP, p.174. Doris Purkiss says Stubby retired from public life 
after being struck on the ear by a turnip at a concert in Little 
Norton Church Hall `nearly 15 years ago' – ie, autumn 1980 (the year 
before James & Lily were killed).
(15) Most of the Weird Sisters were born in the early 70s according 
to the Chocolate Frog cards. Sirius appears to be in his early 30s in 
POA (which is set in 1993), and therefore he was born sometime in the 
early 60s.
(16) POA, pl.273 Remus says to Sirius: `And will you, in turn, 
forgive me for believing you were the spy?'
(17) The Lexicon insists that the Potters were killed `close to 
midnight' on the 31st October 1981. There is no confirmation for this 
in the books. It could have been any time that evening. Hagrid merely 
states that Sirius turned up after he arrived at the ruined house to 
collect Harry, and after arguing with Hagrid that he should be the 
one to look after Harry as his godparent, Sirius lent Hagrid his 
motorbike and they parted company.
(18)QA, p.22. An expert in ancient Wizarding artefacts, especially 
bludgers.
(19) Catriona Scrimgeour is one of the editors of the Scottish clan 
Scrimgeour website (www.scrimgeour-edin.freeserve.co.uk ). 
(20)QA, quotes on reverse of title page.
(21)OOP, p.113.
(22)QA, p.27
(23)QA, p.36; the Chocolate Frogs cards say she was born in 1917, 
making her 78 in OOP.
(24)OOP, p.430.
(25) Mentioned twice. In  POA, p.32 – she was on the Knight Bus that 
Harry took to Diagon Alley, and got off at Abergavenny; and in OOP, 
p.465 – she is on the Knight Bus on the way back to Hogwarts after 
Christmas and gets off at an unknown location near a pub. On both 
trips she is ill.
(26)GOF, p.81– she put up half-shares in her eel farm on a week-long 
World Cup match.
(27)OOP, p.257
(28)The Chocolate Frog cards say he's called Donaghan Tremlett, and 
follows the Kenmare Kestrals. His new wife could be either Mullet or 
Moran; both were female chasers on the Irish national team at the QWC 
in GOF.
(29)GOF, p.341. It was Dumbledore who personally booked the Weird 
Sisters.
(30) FBWTFT, p.xvii. Professor Mordicus Egg, author of `The 
Philosophy of the Mundane – Why the Muggles Prefer Not to Know' (Dust 
& Mildewe 1963). Well, we don't know who teaches muggle studies..its 
a possibility ! The (relatively few) followers of the Vauxhall Rd 
thread (before Xmas) will know that I believe muggle relations at the 
highest level to be central to the story. Dumbledore is one of the 
few WW readers of muggle newspapers..and confers with Prof Egg 
frequently, IMO, natch.