FILKS: The Two Final "Forum" Songs

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 94514

Here are the final two songs from my CoS musical, A Funny Thing 
Happened on the Way to the Chamber. The complete music (with added 
narrative and dialogue) will go on line with the next update 
(tentatively, April 11)

I'm Myrtle (CoS, Chap. 9)

To the tune of I'm Lovely (reprise), from Sondheim's A Funny Thing 
Happened on the Way to the Forum 

Text and a brief excerpt here

http://users.bestweb.net/~foosie/forum.htm

THE SCENE: Girls restroom, first floor. The TRIO find a secluded spot 
to brew their Polyjuice, but one not totally uninhabited

HERMIONE (to RON & HARRY)
Come in here! Come on in!

RON
You didn't tell us we'd have to go to the girls' room

HERMIONE
A dead girl's room. Moaning Myrtle haunts one of the toilets. I never 
go here if I can avoid it; it's awful trying to have a pee with her 
wailing at you.

MYRTLE
I still can't believe I'm a ghost. Look at me. Just look at me.

TRIO
We can't take our eyes off you
..

HERMIONE
(music) You're Myrtle
Absolutely Myrtle
Who'd believe the martyrdom of you?
Reject
Olive Hornby caused it, 
Now the water closet
You're doomed to

Our
Privy bleak and bare
Filch and all his maintenance staff
Refuse to make repairs 
`Cause of Myrtle,
Miserable ol'  Myrtle,
She's the world's most pity-potty dame!

(spoken) Now you just float there, close your eyes and think dead 
thoughts. 

MYRTLE (music)
I'm Myrtle,
Absolutely Myrtle,
Who'd believe the martyrdom of me?
Reject,
Olive Hornby caused it, 
In the water closet
Hauntingly



HARRY (spoken)
Ask her if she saw anything

HERMIONE
Did you see anything?

MYRTLE
No - I was too busy trying to kill myself
.then I remembered
.

HERMIONE
What?

MYRTLE (wailing)
I'm already dead!

(music) I'm so Myrtle,

RON
Frighteningly Myrtle -

HERMIONE & MYRTLE
As this girls' room wins undying fame -

RON & HARRY
You're so Myrtle -

HERMIONE & MYRTLE
For the world's most pity-potty dame –

Comity Tonight (CoS, Chap. 18)

To the tune of Comedy Tonight – Reprise

THE SCENE: McGonagall's office. Comity reigns as the malefactors are 
exposed and the wrongs are all righted – until the next book

HARRY
Chamber exposure

DUMBLEDORE
Malfoy foreclosure
Someone's learned everything -

HAGRID
In comity tonight!

ARTHUR & MOLLY
We get our daughter
Back thanks to Potter

McGONAGALL
Someone's learned everything -

LOCKHART
A memorable night!

RON
You found the sword

GINNY
You scotched the snake

(Enter HERMIONE, restored to biological status, and PROF. SPROUT)

SPROUT
You get your Herm back

HERMIONE 
Thanks to mandrakes!

LUCIUS (grumbling, preparing to take his leave)
I get the old hook

HARRY (handing Lucius the Diary, wrapped in an old sock)
Here, take this old book

DOBBY
I get the thing I want to be:
FREE!

ALL (except MALFOY)
Free! Free! Free! Free! Free!

(LUCIUS raises his wand against HARRY, only to be struck down by 
DOBBY)

DOBBY
Nothing doing!
Put your wand down!
Or I will zap you deep underground!

ALL (to HARRY)
Who is our hero?
Here is our hero
In the quarrel `twixt wrong & right:

DUMBLEDORE
More war tomorrow!

ALL
Comity, Comity, Comity,
Comity, Comity, Comity,
Comity, Comity,
Comity Tonight! 

   -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm