FILK: Explain, Celebrity

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 97683

The latest installment from H.M.S. Dumbledore 

Explain, Celebrity (PS/SS, Chap. 8)

To the tune of Refrain, Audacious Tar, from Gilbert and Sullivan's 
H.M.S. Pinafore 

Text and MIDI at:

http://diamond.boisestate.edu/gas/pinafore/web_opera/pn11.html

Dedicated to Pippin

THE SCENE: HARRY attends his first Potions class under the guidance 
of SEVERUS SNAPE

SNAPE: I am Professor Snape. This is a class in Potions. I would be 
able to teach you all manner of interesting things, were it not for 
the fact that all of you are incorrigible dunderheads. 

(SNAPE points at HARRY)

Potter! What is 395 times 412? Who was the 23rd President of the 
United States? How many pints are there in a gallon? What is the 
capitol of Estonia? For what film did Robert Donat win his sole 
Academy Award? Where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?

HARRY: 162, 740. Benjamin Harrison. Eight. Riga. "Goodbye Mister 
Chips". (hesitation) I can't answer the last question, sir.

SNAPE: Thought you wouldn't open a book before coming, eh, Potter?

.Clearly, fame isn't everything
.

(music)
Explain, celebrity,
The use of wormwood
Can you define for me 
What's meant by monkshood?

Obtain, celebrity,
For me a bezoar
It's plainly clear to see
That you must read more

Explain, celebrity,
Your gross stupidity

You think your name will serve
To wholly tame us,
No leeway you deserve
For being famous!

DRACO, CRABBE & GOYLE
He thinks his name will serve
To wholly tame us,
No leeway he deserves
For being famous!

HARRY:
Proud Snapey, I don't know't
I'm just a young guy!
I have not learned by rote
Your text on fungi!

SNAPE:
I will not take such guff
>From Harry Potter 
Too many past rebuffs
Came from your father

HARRY (aside):
Cruel Snapey disappoints!
>From me, he takes a point!

He's really got his nerve
I make him see red
The Potions Prof observes
With sheerest hatred.

SNAPE (aside):
He's really got his nerve
He makes me see red
I James' son observe
With sheerest hatred!

Explain, celebrity,
The use of wormwood

HARRY:
Proud Snapey, I don't know't
I'm just a young guy!!

SNAPE/HARRY
He thinks he'll Potions brew/I could now bezoars brew
With just a wand flick/For I'm his scapegoat
Through him shall I renew/But he shall not subdue
Long-buried conflicts/Me with his Snape gloat

   -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm