Dursleys abuse

[delwynmarch]

No: HPFGUIDX 117490


Alla wrote :
"What was asked of Dursleys, IMO was an emergency, which under any 
other circumstances (I hope) Dumbledore would not do.

I think that under those circumstances Petunia had to take Harry in 
(which she did) and treat him decently, if not lovingly(which she did
 not) ."

Del replies :
I still disagree. There's no law that says that we should love our
kids, and there's definitely no law that says that we should love our
orphaned nephews. It might be a moral thing to do for some people, but
that doesn't mean that Petunia *had* to treat Harry lovingly.

As for decency, it's a vague concept that means widely different
things for different people. The Dursleys obviously think that
feeding, clothing and sheltering Harry was sufficiently decent.

Alla wrote : 
"Did Petunia resent Lily? Of course. Should she be blamed for thos 
efeelings? Not really, since we cannot help feeling one way or another.

Should she be blamed for taking her resentment or whatever out to 
Harry? Yes, definitely, IMO."

Del replies :
I disagree. Petunia knew she couldn't stand her sister and her family.
She had taken every possible measures to insure that she would never
have to deal with them. Dumping Harry on her was cruel and
disrespectful of her feelings and desires. It's like forcing a cat on
someone who is allergic to them and expecting them to be nice to the cat.

Alla wrote :
" I said it is easy for me to argue the other side for Snape, but
since I don't , Petunia's feelings remind me of Snape feelings of
Harry, IF  I am reading them correctly, of course.

Petunia cannot just stop feeling resentment of Lily and transfers it 
to Harry. Snape cannot stop feeling hatred of James and transfers it 
to Harry (again, if I am correct, of course)

Could they be ordered not to feel that way anymore? No, of course, 
not. Should they be able to suppress those feelings enough in order
not to take it out on Harry? YES.

Their rational mind has to grasp the idea that Harry (not Lily and not
James) did not do anything to them."

Del replies :
There are several BIG difference between Snape and Petunia.

1. Snape could have chosen to stop teaching when Harry came to
Hogwarts, while Petunia didn't have a choice. Snape *chose* to be a
teacher, Petunia did NOT choose to be Lily's only blood relative.

2. Snape is simply irritated by the sheer sight of Harry, which is
irrational. Petunia on the other hand has *good* reasons to dislike
Harry : he takes money and other resources away from Dudley, he is a
wizard (OK, this one is irrational, but it's one that defines
Petunia), he can bring big troubles to the Dursleys (Dudley *did* get
attacked in OoP), and so on. Harry IS a burden to the Dursleys, while
he's not to Snape.

3. Snape knew that Harry would someday come to Hogwarts, so he could
have chosen to work on his feelings. Petunia had every reason to
believe that she wouldn't even meet her nephew for many years, if
ever.  She never had any time to prepare herself to meet Harry.

4. Snape had to deal with an 11-year-old Harry. Petunia was landed
with a toddler. A 15-month-old kid is A LOT of work, especially when
you already have a barely older kid yourself.

5. Snape only has to deal with Harry a few hours a week. Petunia had
to deal with Harry 24/7 at first, and still mornings, evenings,
week-ends and holidays later. She *never* had a "Harry-holiday",
except on Dudley's birthdays.

In short : Harry is merely more than an annoyance to Snape, who could
indeed make an effort. But Harry changed Petunia's life for the worst
*forever*. The time and effort and money that she and Vernon spent on
Harry instead of spending them on Dudley can *never* be retrieved. All
the fear and anger and frustration that Harry brought into their lives
can never be taken away. Harry *spoiled* the perfect life they had
worked so hard to achieve.

There's one last thing to consider : the Dursleys are bad parents *by
nature*. They are mistreating both Harry and Dudley, though not in the
same way. They don't *know* what *really* loving a child means.

Del