FILK: The Smart Stuff Suite

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 118252


The Smart Stuff Suite (OOP, Chap. 31)

Based on The VeggieTales' Stuff-Mart Suite  

A clip can be heard here:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00009L53N/qid=1100967399/sr=2-
2/ref=pd_ka_b_2_2/002-6432895-2906446

lyrics may be found here:

http://www.bigidea.com/music/veggietunes/havewegot_lyrics08.htm

Dedicated, of course, to Ginger

THE SCENE: A small chamber beside the Great Hall. HERMIONE meets with 
a CHORUS OF EXAMINERS (including PROFS. MARCHBANKS AND TOSTY) as she 
begins her practical examination for her OWLs. DAPHNE GREENGRASS, who 
is to follow HERMIONE'S tough act, watches the proceedings glumly.

The opening music is very formal and recitative-like:

CHROUS OF EXAMINERS: 
Allow us to introduce ourselves,
We're testers, of things from Charms to vowels
Some say we're the most insightful bunch of fellows,
Ever sent here to score OWLs!
And if you have studied your books,
Young lady with bushy-haired looks,
We'd like to take a minute or two
To determine your future for you. 

We want to see your smart stuff
Your enormous erudition
With some skill in composition

HERMIONE(spoken): 
Well, I ...

 EXAMINERS: 
And as evaluators of the smart stuff,
We'll know if you have the right stuff.

HERMIONE (spoken): 
Oh yes, yes, why I was just saying that ...

MARCHBANKS: 
I pray that you have studied long, my dear,
And that you have no trepidation of this journey.
The minimal acceptable grade is an "A,"
It's either that, or drive with Stan and Ernie.

EXAMINERS:
We want to see your smart stuff
A magic test you might fail
If you skimp too much on details.
So as a Fifth-Year who knows some smart stuff,
Get ready to show us your stuff. 

(The music abruptly switches to a techno-rock beat)

HERMIONE: Check it out! Check it out!
EXAMINERS: If you want to turn time

HERMIONE: I'm sublime!
EXAMINERS: If you need to villains vex

HERMIONE:  I've got a hex!
EXAMINERS:: A magic number chart?
HERMIONE: Known by heart!

Here's a patron like an otter
That I learned from Harry Potter
And a potion for a trance state
With some runes for me to translate
And what goblins in duress say
In my Ulric Oddball essay
Plus a coin all bright and goldy
Through a spell I swiped from Voldy 

HERMIONE & EXAMINERS:
Voldy! Voldy!
Voldy-Morty-Voldy
Here we go Voldy,
Come on! 

EXAMINERS: Can you liberate an elf? ...
HERMIONE: By myself!
EXAMINERS: A pint of Polyjuice?
HERMIONE: Turn me loose!
EXAMINERS (displaying Hogwarts – A History): Memorize this book?
HERMIONE: With one look!

I'll re-start my wand a-wavin'
With a spell to silence ravens
Change a match into a needle,
Make a jar to capture beetles
Tell a hedgehog from a knarl,
Force a boggart not to snarl
Plus a charm for drying glasses
And my work in flying classes

HERMIONE & EXAMINERS:
Classes! Classes!
Classy classic classes!
Here we go classes,
Come on! 

(the music returns to its previous formality)

TOSTY: 
Though you'll have to wait until July
To find out if you did qualify.
You may wait with knocking of knees
To learn if you've earned "Os" or "Ts"

EXAMINERS:
Happy are they who have smart stuff.
That's because they know more stuff. 

HERMIONE
I really ought to not delve.
But I think I scored One-Twelve

MARCHBANKS (spoken, to Hermione): Yes, you got it!

DAPHNE GREENGRASS (spoken, sighing): Oh, great!

EXAMINERS (music): 
Happy are they who have smart stuff.
That's because they won't ... get... stuffed
..

   -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm