Pampering (was Re:Harry at the Dursleys)

[kjirstem]

No: HPFGUIDX 118531



> Carol:
> Sigh. You're right. We're missing the tone of voice and it's 
>possible to read it your way, but given the context that you snipped,
>I read it differently. for one thing, I don't think spoiled (or
>pampered) is the same thing as loved. Look at Dudley, for example.
> 
> Carol, hoping that *someone* will go upthread and respond to the
>idea that Dumbledore was right about not raising Harry as a "pampered
> little prince"

kjirstem:

Sorry I didn't go back to your original post, I hope you aren't upset.
I'm not particularly attached to one argument or another in this
issue, but thought I'd list some of the advantages and disadvantages
to being pampered.  I'm sure this list isn't exhaustive, and I had
difficulty thinking of advantages.

Pampering:

Advantages:
-Feel cared for (loved?)
-Trust people more (?)


Disadvantages:
-Expect others to do things for you.
 (perhaps therefore not learn how to do things oneself)
-Expect others to indulge your desires or feelings
-inflated sense of self-worth (?)

On the other hand we have life with the Dursleys:
Advantages:
-stable and consistent
-learns how to do things (chores)
-goes to school
-not dead yet

Disadvantages:
-Treated meanly
-Not told about WW, magic, parents
-Questions outlawed

The effect of any environment on a given person's personality &
behavior seems likely to be moderated by that person's past, by their
existing personality, and probably by genetics to some extent. 

In Harry's case, certainly it seems that feeling cared for would be
good, but I think that it is just as well if he doesn't trust people
too much.  The disadvantages (to pampering) seem to me to outweigh
the advantages, since it seems likely that he will need to rely upon
himself and his assessment of a situation to survive.

I also think that Harry gains something in learning how to cook and
how to do various chores.  As far as losing out in early magic
learning, well, doesn't seem that there is that much of it, really,
since the kids from muggle families seem to do quite well at Hogwarts.
It's hard for me to decide if living in the WW would have been an
advantage to Harry - on one hand he would know everyone and know what
magic can do, on the other hand I think he might be better off not
having preconceptions about people's abilities or about magic.  

I think there is a possibility that Dumbledore wanted Harry not to be
too attached to the WW or to particular individuals in the WW.  It is
conceivable that Harry will need to make choices that someone who
can't imagine a world without magic would be unable to make.  Or,
conversely, perhaps the WW and Harry's friendships in it will be even
more valuable to him as a result of his early experience.  

I don't think life with the Weasley's would have been a good
alternative, even leaving aside the blood-relative protection.  I was
struck by Molly's tendency to exempt Harry from chores or punishment
when he is at the Burrow.  (For example, post rescue from the
Dursley's via Ford Anglia.)  Besides, then he and Ron might have been
competing their whole lives.

All in all, I think pampering wouldn't have done Harry any good.

So, I have to add in somthing that seems to diverge from the majority
opinion around here ... 

I'm sad to hear that there will be less of the Dursley's in HBP.  I
really like the scenes with them, nothing else in HP makes me laugh so
much.  They just seem so over the top as to be unbelievable.  I mean,
really, who gives someone a tissue as a present?  Most people seem to
think they are horrible, as I do too, but I also think they are
horribly funny.

kjirstem - who once thought she had been given a *box* of tissues as a
gift...