Mind-linked!Snape (Part I: TBAY introduction)

[nkafkafi]

No: HPFGUIDX 116369


(note: if you hate TBAY just skip to Part II, soon to be posted
down-thread)

It was a clear afternoon and the autumn sunlight was gently rippling
over the deceptively calm water of Theory Bay when the new ship
appeared in the horizon and was slowly making its way towards the
harbor. It was a small Baltimorean schooner of a strange design, very
new but already not very clean (the ship-elf wasn't good at
scrubbing). On its bow the name was painted in large letters:
"Mind-linked!Snape Mk.1".

At the helm, Captain Neri was making his best to look like a seasoned
mariner. Then he just gave up, grabbed his omniculars and ran to the
rail, gawking like a tourist. It was his first time to see the bay in
full TBAY mode, and the sight was indeed amazing: 

All over the bay there were strange ships bearing unlikely names such
as LOLLIPOPS, SILK GOWNS and KITTEN&RAINBOWS. The great BIG BANG
destroyer was wandering aimlessly around, apparently captainless. The
remains of countless sunk ships littered the bay and the shore, on
some of them names could still be discerned: ELVIRA, CUPID'S QUAFFLE
and MATCHING ARMCHAIRS. Flying Hedgehogs and FEATHERBOAS filled the
air. The hedgehogs were especially numerous. There seemed to be an
infestation of them lately. The famous Royal George bar could be seen
at the harbor, and there was the Safe House. Neri zoomed his
omniculars on it. The MAGIC DISHWASHER in the kitchen looked like it
was active again. In fact, even as Neri was watching a big, ugly rat
jumped out of it, thoroughly washed and cleansed of all stains. 

On a remote hill watching the bay was another house that appeared to
be a new installation. Zooming his omniculars, Captain Neri could peek
inside through the half-drawn curtains and see an incredibly cluttered
desk and a closed door with a "do not disturb" sign on it. Neri
hastily turned down the volume on the omniculars to silence a
particularly annoying radio tune. In the garden of the house was
stationed a small can(n)on, aimed at the bay. Every now and then this
can(n)on would give a puff of smoke, and a small can(n)on ball would
rise up to the blue sky, then ballistically angle down into the bay
and, with uncanny precision, sink one of the poor vessels populating it.

Faith, slumbered in a beach chair on the ship deck and wearing a life
belt over her schoolgirl uniform, gave a scornful sniff at the
Captain's excitement. SHE was of course an old and prominent denizens
of Theory Bay
(http://www.hpfgu.org.uk/faq/hypotheticalley.html#faith), thought not
necessarily one of the most popular.

"I heard that!" she said grumpily at these last words. "And could you
please explain what am I doing here? These rickety theories always
make me seasick. I much prefer hanging with Nora in a solid-ground bar".

Captain Neri was tempted to inquire what could someone wearing
schoolgirl uniforms get to drink in a bar, but he wisely edited it
out. Instead he explained: "This is a new theory I'm working on. It
was designed to explained several mysteries, such as what did
Voldemort do to become immortal, how did the mind link came to be, how
did Harry ended up with Voldemort's powers, what was the gleam in DD's
eyes about, why did Snape changed sides and how does he spies on
Voldemort".

"A Snape theory. I'm on the board of a SNAPE theory," groaned Faith.
"And this ridiculous name, `Mind-Linked!Snape Mk.1', it's not even an
acronym."

"I can't do English acronyms," said Captain Neri defensively. "I hoped
another member will think of something."

"And what's the story with this `Mk.1' thing?"

"Oh, this is because I'm far from being satisfied with this theory,
but I thought I'll take it for a test cruise anyway," clarified
Captain Neri. "I fully expect to make many future changes in the design".

"Great, just great," muttered Faith and gripped her life belt harder.
"But you still didn't explain why do you need ME aboard."

"Well, isn't it your duty to inspect new vessels in TBay and make sure
they are sea worthy?" Asked Neri.

"Yeah, this is my job description, but I never actually bother", said
Faith. "No need, you see. Those ships that are NOT sea worthy just
sink under their own weight, and I've found that this is the most
accurate and simple way to ascertain that they aren't sea worthy".

"Umm", said Neri uneasily. "This sounds a bit... unethical".

"Maybe, but it's much more efficient. Saves weeks of bureaucratic
hassle. Besides, the ship designers NEVER admit it's not sea-worthy,
not even when they have to waddle in murky water up to their waist
just to reach their engine room. And I'm not wasting an afternoon
trying to convince anyone."

"I see", said Neri and sneaked a quick look down the ship engine room.
The ship-elf must have forgotten to wipe its floor after scrubbing it.
"Would you mind reversing the procedure for a change and have the
inspection before the sinking?"

"Well, since I'm already here..." said Faith in a resigned tone. "Make
it short and to the point." She settled more comfortably in the beach
chair, readjusted her life belt and crossed her legs the other way to
better display the five-inch spike heels on her Mary Janes.

"Erm... it is rather long", confided Neri.

"I knew it, I knew it, I knew it" grumbled Faith. "A wasted afternoon.
Well, lets start, then. But you realize you've just lost the three
readers that made it this far."

"As long as I still have Faith" said Captain Neri with only just a
touch of sarcasm in his voice, took out a wand and double-tapped it to
deactivate TBAY mode.


************TO BE CONTINUED**************