TBAY: GASP! MIDAS!

[Barry Arrowsmith]

No: HPFGUIDX 113918

"Hooo!" *Scrabble* "Rowwwwlll!" *Crash*
A few feathers drifted down.
The Daily Prophet was being delivered to Madam Whiplash's establishment 
and Crankshaft had missed that damn owl - again.

"I'll  get him; he can't be lucky  for ever," he thought as he grasped 
the paper in his snaggle teeth and slid through the cat-flap. "Now if I 
  could just get my claws on an Invisibility Cloak...."

He padded across Reception and into the parlour where he deposited the 
paper in Madam W's lap as she was issuing orders to the staff.

"Droopy, you clean the windows, the kitchen, wash the floor, beat the 
carpets, polish the furniture - oh, and sweep the chimneys - clients 
arriving by Floo are tracking soot everywhere. Then prepare a Buffet 
Lunch for twenty. I'll decide later what I  want you to do this 
afternoon. And before you do anything else get that Kneasy out of the 
wine cellar."

"Yes, Mistress," quavered Droopy the freed House Elf, reflecting that 
having to work for your living was no fun. How he longed for the old 
days back  with his family - playing catch the furniture as they threw 
everything at him for forgetting to polish a teaspoon. Happy days!

There was a faint vibration - another, getting stronger - then a 
picture of Medusa fell off the wall, prompting an angry protest -
"Oi! watch it! My snakes'll get tangled!"
The tremors strengthened until-

"HERMY! WANT HERMY!"

"Merlins teeth!" muttered Madam W, striding to the door, "it's that  
Carpathian clod again. Just won't  take no for an answer; even worse 
than Ron."

Wrenching open the door with one hand  and with the other drawing her 
wand from the top of her thigh-length black patent leather boot, she 
confronted Grawp just  as he was about to hammer on the door with a 
fist the size of Flitwick.

"Back off, you!" Her  wand (the Pacifier) twitched, lengthened and 
began to throb menacingly. "What do you want now?"

An expression of delight suffused Grawps face, slightly marred by the 
small animal bones lodged between his broken teeth.

"WANT HERMY!" came the reply as a dirt-encrusted hand,  replete with 
fingernails like broken slates reached forward.

"Gerroff! This PVC's just been oiled; don't want your grubby 
fingermarks on it."

"UH?"

Madam  W sighed. "Listen, sunshine. Your place is in the Forest,  
right? Not here. You frighten the customers. Last  time you turned up - 
you do remember the last time, don't you? The Dragon Fanciers Bachelor 
Night Out? - when we were presenting that tasteful and artistic 
re-enactment of St George saving the dragon from the maiden? Well his 
lance has never been the same, the stains are still in the carpet *and* 
they demanded their money  back. Talk about panic; three of them were 
jammed in the fireplace for hours. Could have been very nasty, got very 
threatening, they did."

Madam started to pace angrily, the Pacifier vibrating ominously,

"Not the first time either; there was that disaster with that crowd 
from Alchemists Anonymous, some of them still have flashbacks despite 
the memory modifications. Not forgetting when you burst in on the girls 
brewing that love philtre. One of 'em turned up in a nunnery in Mexico; 
sworn off it for life, she has. You've cost me a fortune! Well, I've 
had enough!"

Her wand whipped up and a stream of coloured beams flashed at Grawp - 
red, yellow, blue and a Whiplash Special; heliotrope with a pink candy 
stripe.

"URGH?"

They bounced.

Madam goggled. "*GASP!* "MIDAS!"

"Giants Are Spell Proofed! Magical Immunity'll Defeat Attacking 
Sorcerers!"

She called back over her shoulder into the house, "Kneasy, get this 
lump scrubbed up and looking smart."
She turned to Grawp.
"There're people who don't like me and my friends. They're dangerous. I 
  can see you're going to be very useful.
Fancy a career in Security?"