Harry, Ginny, and age appropriateness / Abusive Harry (combined answer)

[delwynmarch]

No: HPFGUIDX 136063

Marianne wrote:
"If you or anyone CHOOSES to interpret that Harry is abusive or
controlling of Ginny, it seems nothing anyone can say can stop that.
It is YOUR CHOICE that makes the difference. "

Del replies:
Er... I clearly remember writing that I do NOT believe that.

However, I am pointing out that because we don't have any canon
contradicting it, it could theoretically be possible.

In fact, I would BET that there are young people who DID interpret
"Harry and Ginny had a particularly happy hour" as "they had wild sex
for an hour", and "Harry was happier than he'd been in a long time" as
"he was getting lots of sex". And they would interpret it that way
because it is THEIR understanding of what happiness in a couple is.

Marianne wrote:
"But, she has also met with incredulity the fact that people make
choices she never intends ... i.e. Harry/Hermione or Luna/Neville or
Sirius/Lupin as "ships"."

Del replies:
People believe in those things because they are *possible*. The clues
*are* there.

The readers are not blank minds JKR writes on. Every reader comes with
a past, with a good deal of personal experience. So every reader will
interpret every clue in a different way, depending on who they are,
and what their make-up is.

Marianne wrote:
"I can only imagine that if she were to know that someone so fervently
believes that the relationship between Harry and Ginny is abusive and
a poor example especially for her adolescent girl audience (including
her own adolescent daughter).. she might wonder if they were reading
the same book, and perhaps hope that person just makes the choice to
not read the books if they choose to see the hero as an abuser. "

Del replies:
You don't understand the point I am trying to make.

By TELLING us that Harry and Ginny are having a happy relationship but
not SHOWING us what a happy relationship looks like, JKR leaves the
door open to *genuine* MISinterpretations.

Take for example a 14-year-old girl who's the kind of girl who
believes that once she finds her One True Love, everything will be all
right and he and she will be happy forever. Then she falls in love,
and everything is not right. Her boyfriend is jealous and controlling,
the relationship is emotionally abusive, she keeps giving and giving
and giving, but she feels he doesn't give anything back.

Then she reads HBP, and she sees that Ginny *makes* Harry happy, but
that nothing is said about Ginny receiving anything. She sees Harry
making the decisions for them both. In short, she sees Harry do what
her own bf is doing. And what diagnostic does JKR give of the H/G
romance? It's the perfect match, they are soooo happy!

What conclusions is she going to reach?

I'm 31, I know LOTS more about love and happiness than any
14-year-old. I can guess that Harry gives as much as he receives, and
that even if they are happy, they still have their little disputes
once in a while.

But because it is not written, it CAN be interpreted as not being
there at all. All those over-romantic girls CAN get the message that
the Perfect Match exist, that the Perfect Bliss is attainable, and
that there should never be any misunderstanding or disagreement
between two people who truly love each other.

THIS is why I think that JKR made a big mistake by simply TELLING her
readers that Harry and Ginny are happy, but not SHOWING what a happy
relationship looks like. In particular, she failed to show that a
happy relationship needs WORK, and that's it takes TWO to make a
relationship work, two crucial points that way too many young people
don't know about.

So I maintain that by making Harry and Ginny's romance looks so easy,
effortless, and perfect, JKR sent a very wrong message to her young
readers.

Unless, of course, you posit that Harry and Ginny's relationship is
simply a teen romance, that is not meant to last, and that is
definitely NOT The Real Deal.

Del