Harry/Riddle and CHOICE WAS Re: Putting words in other posters' mouth - Rape

[susanmcgee48176]

No: HPFGUIDX 136860

> 

> 
> > Vmonte wrote:
> "There is no way that JKR would make Harry a rapist or an abuser."
> 
> Del replies:
> Agreed: there is no way *JKR* would make Harry
> a bad guy. That doesn't mean that the Harry we
> know couldn't turn into an abuser, in the hands
> of another writer. To me, there's a small but
> significant difference between saying "JKR won't
> make Harry be an abuser" and "Harry cannot be an abuser".
> 
> Vmonte wrote:
> "I understand that you feel like you didn't get
> enough of Harry-with-Ginny to make it real for
> you, but it's another thing to start inventing
> scenarios that are just not there."
> 
> > I'm not saying the abuse is there. I'm just
> saying that we don't have to rule it out
> because JKR hasn't given us any ground to
> rule it out. The only reason we rule it out
> is because we ASSUME that she never intended to
> write Harry as an abuser. But then I also assumed
> that Harry would never even attempt to use one
> of the Unforgivable Curses...
> 
> 
> 
> Rizza wrote:
> "I mean, it's one thing to have those
> implications about a minor character
> we hardly know, but we don't need to
> imply anything about Harry's character,
> especially something as big as this. We've
> had six years to get to know him and have been
> in and out of his mind more times than anyone
> can count. He's not an abusive person in the least."
> 
> Del replies:
> Actually, it's PRECISELY because I've been
> in Harry's head for so long that I thought
> of the abuse scenario. I have seen things in
> Harry's behaviour towards other people that
> DO make me cringe, and that DO make me think
> that such a boy could turn into an abuser
> if he weren't protected by JKR's will.
> 
> lots of snips...


Okay, I suggest that Harry Potter is not an abuser/rapist (which all 
seem to agree upon) and could never become an abuser/rapist in the 
universe which J. K. Rowling has created.

Also, in order to make Harry Potter an abuser/rapist, someone would 
have to change his entire character and nature.....I suggest that he 
would no longer be Harry Potter. I don't see how saying that another 
author could make him an abuser/rapist is relevant. I agree -- if 
this is fan fiction...take it to the fan fiction boards.

Domestic violence/abuse is a system of control and domination. It 
always involves physical abuse or a credible threat of physical 
abuse. It oftens involve sexual abuse, corercion or rape. It (almost) 
always also involves other abusive tactics including threats, verbal 
abuse, psychological terrorism (such as depriving the victim of 
medication, food, sleep, toileting...intermittent reinforcement, etc),
economic abuse, isolation, use of male or other privilege, etc.
If you would like more information, including a chart of 
psychological terrorism, please email me at SusanGSmcGee at aol.com

There are also signs of potential abusers:

•  Is he very, very jealous? 
	•  Does he want to know where you are every single minute? 
	•  Does he drive away your friends and family? 
	•  Does he have extreme highs and lows?
	•  Is he cruel to animals? 
	•  Has he hit a former partner? Does he tell you in detail 
how terrible every former girlfriend
 	    was? Does he claim that former partners lied about him 
and put him in jai?
	•  Does he believe you belong to him? Does he tell you it's 
you and he against the world?
	•  When he gets angry, are you afraid of him? 
	•  Did he grow up in a violent family? 
	•  Does he say he can't  "help" losing his temper? 
	•  Does he say it's your fault when he is in a rage? 
	•  Does he have contempt for women?
	•  Does he act like two totally different people?  (Dr. 
Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?)
	•  Does he tell you he has to restrain you for your own good?
           Is he contemptious of all women? Does he say all 
women/girls are whores and out to get men?


Please, let me caution readers....doing ONE of these things does not 
make you or someone else an abuser. Someone can be very controlling 
in a relationship yet not a batterer. Yes, the kids in HP can be very 
jealous, but that in itself does not make for abuse.

For there to be abuse, there needs to be physical violence backed up 
by other controlling tactics. Please -- let's not split hairs. There 
are a few cases where someone is battered without physical abuse, but 
even in those cases you'll see the assailant demonstrating that he 
could kill or torture someone else in order to terrify and intimidate 
his victim.

Abuse/battering is instrumental, not impulsive. Abusers do not lose 
their temper in one incident and hit their partner/girlfriend/spouse.
They engage in a lifestyle of abuse. It's not about loss of control --
 it's planned behavior. People might find the Survivor's Handbook 
which is online at http://www.mcadsv.org/general/MI%20DV%
20Handbook.pdf to be helpful.

Now, let's compare and contrast Tom Riddle and Harry Potter. 
Both lost their parents - Tom's father abandoned Tom's mother, and 
Tom's mother died in infancy. Tom ended up at the orphanage. All he 
knows is that he's named after his father. Harry ends up at the 
Dursleys. All he knows is that his parents were killed in a car crash 
and that his aunt and uncle won't talk about them. Harry did have 15 
months of bonding with loving parents -- which makes a huge 
difference. They are quite alike in their childhoods.

Beyond familial influences (which are important), is the important 
issue that Battering/Abuse/Rape is a choice! Just like Dumbledore 
says...it's our choices that determine who we are. That's canon. Big 
time. Sirius versus Regulus choices... 
Petunia/Lily....Percy/Ron..Albus/Aberforth...Albus preferred birds to 
goats (just a little joke here)..

We see examples of siblings making different choices throughout the 
books.

Tom Riddle becomes a much different person than Harry Potter. He is a 
loner, he is secretive, more importantly we see early signs of his 
personality. He hangs a rabbit. He hurts other children. He steals.
He responds to the threat of being put in an asylum with anger and 
threats. He carefully calculates his behavior; being "polite" to DD.
He knows he's special. He's consumed with anger, and malice. All 
major signs of abusers..

Harry on the other hand does not really believe he could be special. 
He delights in the idea of having Hagrid as a friend/mentor. He is 
delighted and amazed by the wizarding world. He is not calculating. 
He is not geared towards becoming "great". He chooses to be a 
Gryfinddor and not a Slytherin. He is constantly bullied by Dudley 
and his friends. His reactive magic is mostly self defensive. He 
finds himself on the top of the roof; the sweater shrinks... He does 
not consciously vanish the window..... His outburst at Aunt Marge is 
as a result of her constant abuse/badgering/insults...he truly does 
lose his temper.... Harry is interested in friendship and immediately 
makes friends at Hogwarts -- Ron, Hermione, Hagrid. He is delighted 
to be at the Weasleys.

He shows no signs of being controlling towards his girlfriends. 

His character is not one of an abuser or rapist. And it is not 
equivalent to a situation where a young woman meets a young man who 
is an abuser and doesn't realize it because he is consciously 
charming, romantic, and on his best behavior. (and yes, there are 
girls/women who are abusers, too..) We get to observe Harry and his 
life over several years from the outside.

So I suggest that there is no canonical evidence to support Harry 
being or becoming an abuser or a rapist and a great deal of canonical 
eevidence to the contrary. He has made significant life choices.

Susan McGee