Why Snape's worst memory?

[saraquel_omphale]

No: HPFGUIDX 137220

Greg wrote:
> After HBP, I have to go back to wondering *why* the memory we saw 
in 
> OOtP was Snape's worst.  <snip excellent argument for the two 
other >Memories being about the prophecy>
> So is this Snape's worst memory, not because of what we saw, but 
what 
> we were about to see?  We know that Snape pulled Harry out of the 
> memory before it reached its conclusion.  Is there something 
> additional that we're missing?
> 
> greg

Saraquel:

No, I actually think that we saw the bit that makes it Snape's worst 
memory, and a memory he doesn't want Harry to see.

I know that I've read in one of the interviews JKR gave after HBP 
was published that JKR deliberately avoided mentioning who 
the `awful boy' was who told Lily about the dementors of Azkaban, 
but I can't seem to find it. Anyone else remember that, can you 
point me to it? My guess is that it was not James, but Snape who 
gave her that information. It would be the sort of thing he would be 
interested in. I think Lily befriended Snape in potions, and that he 
possibly had a massive crush on her, (which was not reciprocated in 
a romantic way) - despite what seems like contrary evidence from the 
grey underpants scene, but I'll get to that in a minute.  I never 
used to be a Lily/Snape-had-some-sort –of-relationship-person, but 
the evidence from Slughorn in HBP about Lily being a whiz at 
potions, Snape's Advanced Potions book being full of notes that I 
think they might well have compiled together, or that he pinched her 
inspiration, and JKR choosing to tell us about Lupin and Lily rather 
than Snape and Lily in the Mugglenet/LC interview has edged me 
towards it.  Ok, if you don't think this in on, you won't like 
what's coming

Let's face it, the last thing Snape would want to admit whilst he is 
hanging in the air at James' instigation with his underpants 
showing, is that he loves the girl James fancies, or indeed has any 
vulnerable feelings towards her.  That would just have brought total 
humiliation and devastation down on his head and a renewed 
vindictiveness.  In a previous post about Real Life Spinners End I 
suggested that Snape's obvious working class background and relative 
poverty may have given him a class chip on his shoulder.  It's not 
only that James fancies the girl he has a mega-crush on, but James 
is an arrogant middle class toe-rag as well in Snape's eyes.

I think it was Snape's worst memory, because at that point he was a 
coward in his own eyes. He chose to save himself by defaming and 
disowning Lily.  Ouch.  He then blames James, a boy he already 
hates, for `forcing' him into this situation. This is why Snape gets 
apoplectic at being called a coward by Harry – because he knows, 
deep down, that he was one in that scene.  This is why he is so 
remorseful when he finds out that Lily and James are the target 
(there may be other reasons as well), and why he goes to DD, in an 
effort to expunge his cowardice.  This is why his hatred for James 
only increases, because he blames James for the fact that he 
rejected Lily publicly, and then James got `his' girl.

IMO, he wants to hide the memory not just because James has him 
hanging in the air with his undies drying in the breeze and he 
doesn't want Harry to see it: he hides it because it is the thing he 
is most ashamed of.  It might have been a memory totally unrelated 
to Harry that Snape was most ashamed of and he would have wanted to 
hide it from Harry.  The important thing is that Snape did not want 
to give Harry any insight into his vulnerabilities.

Even though I don't like Snape, I don't think that he is a coward, 
and I don't think he can forgive himself for this act of cowardice 
in his youth.

What do you think?

Saraquel