FILK: Angel in Seven

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 137657

I just completed my musical Harry and the Amazing 50% Blooded
Turncoat, based on Lloyd Webber's Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor
Dreamcoat. The whole thing is available at

http://home.att.net/~coriolan/musical/turncoat.htm


Meanwhile, here are the last two songs:

You'll Be an Angel in Seven

To the tune of One More Angel in Heaven

THE SCENE: The grounds of Hogwarts, before the lake. Denizens of the
magic society assemble to pay their respects to the fallen Headmaster
of Hogwarts. As FAWKES flaps in, whistling a lazy Western-sounding
tune, HAGRID enters, bearing the body of DUMBLEDORE

HAGRID
Dumble, it's awful we lost ya to Snapey's evil crime
A tragic and adverse event what comes of trustin' slime
Though you no longer walk the earth
You'll not completely go
In your old office you're portrayed in chiaroscuro

ALL:
You'll be our angel in Seven
We'll have your guidance, fer sure
Dumble, we're proud we can see ya
Head off to your next adventure

McGONAGALL, FLITWICK, SPROUT & SLUGHORN
Today we'll all be a-weepin'
Tonight we're all gonna grieve
But Dumbledore, if we stay loyal
Then you will not truly leave

THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX
Dumble, we're full of sorrow
Our hearts are struck with shock
We'll send off to your reward
In your best pair of socks

CHORUS OF RAVENCLAW STUDENTS
We're here to hear some final words
We trust they'll keep concise

CHORUS OF HUFFLEPUFF STUDENTS
Although it's possible your death's
A narrative device

HARRY
I once led Dumbledore's Army
I'm his man through thin and through thick

LUPIN & TONKS
Dumble, we solemn pledge to ya
Our first-born will be named "Wulfric"

FUDGE, UMBRIDGE & PERCY
We have all come to pay tribute
To you, so brave and adroit

SCRIMEGOUR
But Dumble, we hope we can figure
How best this mess to exploit

HERMIONE (spoken)
Will we learn how your hand got blackened?
Your eyes' triumphal gloat?
Or ascertain what Aberforth
Was doin' to that goat?

GRAWP & ARABELLA FIGG
Help nitwits no more to blubber
Let oddments be tweaked

SHACKLEBOLT & MOODY
And may his curse be placed on those
Who Book Six spoilers leaked

WEASLEY FAMILY & FLEUR
You'll be our angel in Seven
As we go out after Snape

CHORUS OF GRYFFINDOR STUDENTS
We're gonna send him to prison
That git oughta then be gang-raped

ALL:
Today we'll all be a-weepin'
Tonight we're all gonna grieve
But Dumbledore, if we stay loyal
Then you will not truly leave
.
Then you will not truly leave
.
Then you will not truly leave
.

(DUMBLEDORE'S body seemingly bursts into flames - before being
encased in a white tomb - as a phoenix joyfully shoots skyward. A
shower of lemon drops falls from the sky)

PHOENIX:
Yee-ha!

Many Memes Review

To the tune of Any Dream Will Do

(Gradually the crowd disperses, leaving HARRY alone, deep in thought,
before the tomb of DUMBLEDORE. Suddenly, SNAPE Apparates onto the
scene – and if you had read Hogwarts: A History, you would already
know that it is possible to Apparate in and out of the school if it
is in connection with the finale of a musical. SNAPE casts the highly
complex Musicus-Tempus-Ex Spell (i.e., Musical Time Out), which a
wizard uses when he wants to safely sing a duet with a deadly
antagonist.)

HARRY/SNAPE
So ends our book, next up's the last one
You/I pulled a fast one, pleasing You-Know-Who
Right now online, our fans all argue,
New theories construe,
Many memes review.

HARRY
Does this turncoat work for Lord Voldy?

SNAPE
What Dumble told me, did I follow through?

HARRY/SNAPE
Is Hogwarts School now hors de combat?
Or will Dumble come back?
Will he live anew?

HARRY
A false horcrux, a mystery,
And who in hell is R.A.B?

SNAPE
Our crisis now takes a hiatus
We are all on hold

HARRY/SNAPE
He's/I'm the problem - or the solution?
There is much confusion, is he/am I false or true?
As we approach the final climax
Who has got who's back?

SNAPE (bowing ironically)
But till then, adieu!

(SNAPE Apparates away just as quickly as he arrived. And whatever
ideas we debating fans may entertain, HARRY has already reached his
decision, and concludes our musical with an imperious cry that is
likely to echo throughout Book Seven.)

HARRY
Give me that turncoat's throat
That half-blood's turncoat throat!


 - CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm