The Dursleys (was many other subjects) long

[minervakab]

No: HPFGUIDX 124735


--- In HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com, "Tonks" <tonks_op at y...> wrote:
> 
> I am really getting tired of all of these discussions about the 
> Dursleys, but since it is never going to die, I would like to 
> suggest that we try a new approach. Not please understand me I am 
> not arguing in their defense, but let's put ourselves in their shoes 
> and try to understand them. When I was a little girl my mother told 
> me to imagine how the other person would feel and I think that this 
> ability has helped me understand some otherwise nasty people. So 
> let's have a go at this:

Huge snip


Minervakab:

I think this is an excellent idea.  So many posters seem willing to
tar and feather them without a trial.  Some other posters say that it
is only something wonderful in Harry that makes it possible for him to
overcome his horrible childhood.  But what about Petunia's and
Vernon's upbringing?  Obviously, they do not have the special
something Harry has and are unable to overcome family tradition.

Look at Petunia.  She tells us in SS chapter four:

 "But for my mother and father, oh no, it was Lily this and Lily that,
they were so proud of having a witch in the family!"

She stopped to draw a deep breath and then went ranting on.  It seemed
she had been waiting to say this for years."

"Ranting" "Waiting for years"  There seems to be a deep resentment for
Lily in Petunia. It appears to me that their parents favored Lily at
the expense of Petunia.   "Lily this and Lily that."  Lilly is
described as pretty with thick red hair.  Petunia is described as
blond, long neck, horsey.  No words like pretty or thick hair are used
to describe Petunia. The pretty daughter got the preferential
treatment in my opinion. 

Petunia also tells us that Lily "disappeared off" to Hogwarts and only
came home over vacation.  This, to me, implies that Lily must have
been home going to the local school while Lily got to go away to
boarding school. Another indication of favoritism.  It would not at
all seem wrong to Petunia to pay for boarding school for Dudley while
making Harry go to the local school.

Even the names of the girls give a clue to the favoritism.  Petunia
means resentment in flower language.  Lily means various things
depending on the color - beauty, purity, majesty, mother to name a few
- almost all lovely meanings.  How would it feel to be the one named
"resentment" with a sister named "beauty"?

Then, before Petunia has matured enough to put all this resentment for
Lily's preferential treatment aside, Lily is killed and her son is
left on her doorstep. Petunia had to look at her "dratted" sister's
eyes every time she looked at Harry.  It took remarkable self control
for Petunia not to tell Harry how much she resented his mother until
he was eleven years old.  She at least kept her tongue even if her
resentment came out in other ways.  Just as Snape can never pay back
the life debt he owes James and mistreats Harry for it, Petunia can
never make up with her sister and resents Harry for it. Not the right
thing to do but understandable.

Vernon sends his son, Dudley, to Smeltings because he himself went to
Smeltings school.  This is a school that issues "knobby sticks, used
for hitting each other while the teachers weren't looking.  This was
suppose to be good training for later life." (SS chapter three) Aunt
Marge, Vernon's sister, thinks beatings are good for people who
deserve them.   Clearly Vernon was brought up to think that hitting
and bullying people was perfectly normal behavior. Vernon is happy
with his life and wishes nothing to interfere with it.  In his mind,
the training he got while growing up gave him what he desired as an
adult so why would he think he should do anything different when
raising Dudley and Harry? 

Aunt Marge believes that men should be large. Petunia probably thinks
this as well since she married Vernon who is a large man. 
Over-feeding Dudley would seem perfectly normal in a household that
thought large men were attractive. People put their children on weight
reducing diets all the time to make them more attractive.  Why
wouldn't a family that likes large men give their son more food?  

Lets put ourselves into the Dursleys shoes for a moment. To Petunia,
if there are two children, one gets special treatment while the other
is forgotten.  It would seem logical that the one to get the
preferential treatment would be her own son and not the one that has
the eyes of the sister she resents. To Vernon,  hitting and bullying
are good for your character. Both of them believe over-feeding is good
for Dudley. This is how they were raised.  If Harry only overcame his
childhood because he was special, then that implies that most ordinary
people do not overcome the way they were raised.  The Dursleys are the
most ordinary of people and like it that way.  

Why do we expect the Dursleys to have the same specialness that allows
Harry to overcome all odds?  Why will we give Serius slack for
treating Kreacher so badly because of his awful childhood but we won't
allow the Dursleys the same slack?  Why can we forgive Snape for
hating Harry because he looks like James but not Petunia for resenting
Harry who has Lily's eyes?  Why is it poor Draco can't help being the
way he is because of his father but no one says poor Dudley because of
his?  Do we only forgive magical people for not knowing better?

Minervakab