The Dursleys, the Weasleys, Hagrid, and Snape: Nice people get a pass

[lupinlore]

No: HPFGUIDX 125042


There has been a lot of discussion about several topics that I think
come together.  One discussion has been about the Dursleys and
Dumbledore.  One has been about Snape.  One has been about Molly and
her parenting techniques.  And we have had plenty of discussions in
the past about Hagrid and his teaching techniques.

Now, I think this raises some interesting points.  Why do those of us
who despise the Dursleys not get upset when Molly seems to play
favorites?  Why do those of us who despise Snape not get upset at
Hagrid's teaching, which is physically if not emotionally dangerous.

Well, the answer of course is that the Weasleys and Hagrid are nice
and Snape and the Dursleys aren't.  Therefore the former get a pass to
a certain extent and the latter don't.  And, here is the clencher, I
think THAT IS PERFECTLY APPROPRIATE.

Now, why?  This seems rather unjust, doesn't it?  Why should Snape be
castigated for snarling comments and Hagrid be given, by and large, a
pass for using hyppogriffs?  Why should Molly get a pass for behavior
that would seem to incite friction among her children and the Dursleys
not be given a pass for the different ways in which they treat Harry
and Dudley?

Well, the answer is that niceness is, for some bizarre reason, rather
undervalued in these discussions.  The fact is that it isn't very easy
to be nice.  It is MUCH easier to be cruel, snarky, and uncaring of
other people's feelings.  People who are nice show that they are
willing, to use DD's language, to do "what is right rather than what
is easy," not just in the huge questions but, what is harder perhaps
and maybe even as important, in the small, everyday things of life.

Let's face it, the small things ARE life.  And by their behavior,
Snape and the Dursleys show they are not, in the matters that make up
the vast majority of life, willing to follow the precepts of "right
over easy."

Therefore, we are perfectly justified in drawing conclusions about
them from their daily behavior, and acting toward them in ways
consonant with those conclusions.  There is a reward in life for being
good on a daily basis, or being "nice" if you want to use that term. 
And the reward is that people are willing to be around you, to get to
know you, and to feel compassionate about the problems you face.  That
often equates into being willing to forgive you daily lapses.  If you
are not "nice" then you aren't going to get the same consideration. 
It's the way the world works.

Now, people who are good in extraordinary things but not daily things
don't get this reward.  They get other types of rewards, certainly.  I
don't think Snape should go to Azkaban for being a DE because he is
genuinely trying to make amends, for whatever reason even if it is
self-preservation.  But it would be inappropriate to excuse his
behavior because of his activities for the Order.  That is a reward he
has not earned.  He has earned his freedom, yes.  He has earned his
place in the Order, yes.  He has earned Dumbledore's trust, yes.  But
he has not earned everyday compassion for his problems and a limited
pass for his faults.  That is the reward of people who are good in a
way he is not.

Now, you might say compassion isn't something that should be earned,
and goodness is not something that should depend on rewards.  I can
see the moral argument there, but the fact is that just ain't the way
the world works, particularly on the day to day basis on which daily
goodness, or "niceness" operates.

So, I would say the distinction between "nice" and "good" is false,
and misleading (and I would point out it isn't one that JKR herself
ever uses, unless I've forgotten something).  Rather the distinction
is between two different kinds of goodness.  Each kind of goodness
represents doing what is right rather than what is easy, but in a
different type of situation.  And each brings with it its own rewards.

So, in sum, we give Hagrid a pass and not Snape.  And it is perfectly
fair and appropriate to do so.  And we give Molly a pass and not the
Dursleys.  And it is perfectly fair and appropriate to do so.


Lupinlore