FILK: Mad Gurg Their Great Chieftain

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 122008


Mad Gurg Their Great Chieftain (OOP, Chap. 20)

To the tune of Noel Coward's Mad Dogs and Englishmen 

Original text here:

http://www.sabrizain.demon.co.uk/malaya/coward.htm


THE SCENE: Hagrid's hut. HAGRID tells the trio of his unsuccessful 
mission to the Giants

HAGRID: 
Sans magical means keeping quite unseen we went
With Fudge's Ministry pursuing, we to them thought, "Nothing doing!"
And they gave us chase but soon they misplaced our scent
But passing through the Polish border
We were forced to face some troll-ish disorder
The giants dwell in their citadels' great height
Where they all ominously, dangerously fight!

Mad Gurg their great chieftain weighs over a half a ton.
His tribe is in decline though his skin is like a rhino.
Eighty or seventy  we saw by the light of sun
They're none of them gigantic romantics
Since their big gang-rout they all now hang out in their rugged 
mountain lairs
On the Gurg all dote as they bring dead goats to augment his savoir-
faire
He stays still atop his hill to take praise from ev'ryone 
For  Mad Gurg their great chieftain weighs over a half a ton.

With Madam Maxime our two-person team set out
And to the giants we bought gifts to which they did not give short 
shrift
It seemed so secure as we went to their sure redoubt
For Dumbledore said to have faith in the effects of the Gubraithian 
Flame's clout
Twas a bitter joke that just as we broke the ice
They fell back into their perennial vice
Bang bang bing bang bang bang bing bing bing bong bang bop bash bop
..

Mad Gurg their late chieftain was not who in this fight won
Next morning found him dead of the fact they cut his head off.
Those complex matters that vex are just what the giants shun
If you don't keep it plain-spoke, they slay folk 
For a coup d'etat is the true way the new Gurg moves up the ranks
The grievous wrath of one Golgomath left me hanging by my shanks
Then Maxime fired off a beam from her wand and they all were stunned
For Mad Gurg their next chieftain opted to with DEs run

Mad Gurg their next chieftain opted to with DEs run
He forged a solemn treaty of friendship with Death-Eaties
To their lair came cruel McNair to make sure we were undone
And seize from all the giants compliance.
There were hidden caves that some shelter gave
To the foes of the regime
But a massacre very soon occurred in accord with Gurgish themes
"We're so screwed," we did conclude, as we had to cut and run
For myself and Madam Max were sent back upon Square 
Sent back upon Square
Sent back upon Square
Sent back upon Square 
Sent back upon Square
Sent back upon Square
Sent back upon Square One!

  -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm