FILK: What Is This Fabric?

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 122464


What Is This Fabric?

To the tune of What Is This Feeling? from Stephen Schwartz's Wicked

Hear an excerpt at:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0000TB01Y/qid=1106197317/sr=2-
1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/104-5316483-3083144

"[Winky] still does not care for clothes, Harry Potter. Nor do the 
other house-elves. None of them will clean Gryffindor Tower any more, 
not with the hats and socks hidden everywhere, they finds them 
insulting, sir."
      - Dobby in OOP, Chap.19

THE SCENE: Gryffindor Tower. Two house-elves share their concerns 
over Hermione's latest liberation project

FIRST HOUSE-ELF
There's been some confusion
Over cleaning Gryffindor 

SECOND HOUSE-ELF
But of course, it's not the messes

FIRST HOUSE-ELF
And it's not that I don't love it....

BOTH
For we know that elves should not be waxing wroth
Yes, there's been some confusion
For you see, we found some more
.

FIRST HOUSE-ELF

.Of Hermione's exceedingly peculiar
And altogether quite impossible to ignore
.

SECOND HOUSE-ELF

..Cloth

FIRST HOUSE-ELF
What is this fabric?
So woven and knit?

SECOND HOUSE-ELF
It's felt or it's satin
Or something like it.

FIRST HOUSE-ELF
Is it a stocking?

SECOND HOUSE-ELF
Is it acrylic?

FIRST HOUSE-ELF
I think it shocking

BOTH
What is this fabric?
We stand here appalled
What is this stuff called?
It's

..
Clothing!
It's contaminated clothing!

FIRST HOUSE-ELF
Here's some wool

SECOND HOUSE-ELF
Some yarn

FIRST HOUSE-ELF
A bow thing

BOTH
It is clear – she'd clothe us all
Ev'ry little hat and ev'ry sock
Makes us fear she'll break apart our lock
With polyester clothing
She is placing us in peril
With this display of apparel
We will surely grieve!
Ev'ry elf is gonna be set free
If we cannot stop her shopping spree
Then it will be clothing
Clothing us
With what she weaves!

(Enter DOBBY, WINKY & CHORUS OF HOUSE-ELVES)

DOBBY
Fellow house-elves, do not be distressed
You will be happier once you are dressed
See these linens, see these cottons
They're the means through which she'll free us
And your chains will be forgotten

FIRST HOUSE-ELF
But it's still so injury-ous!

WINKY
To my fellow elves, let me transmit
The woe of one forced to manumit
I simply want to tell you:
Being free's the pits!
Don't share her
..

FIRST AND SECOND HOUSE-ELF (simultaneously with below)
What is this fabric 
So pleated and plaid? 
It's felt or it's flannel 
Or something as bad 
It needs some brushing 
`Cause it's acrylic 
Oh, what is this fabric? 
Does it have a name? 
Yes: 
Ahhh: Ahhh:

WINKY & CHORUS OF HOUSE-ELVES (simultaneously with above)

..Clothing
Her contaminated clothing
Made with wool, with yarn
A bow thing.
It is clear:
She'll clothe us all!
Ev'ry little hat
Makes us fear she'll break 
Apart our lock

ALL
Clothing!

FIRST AND SECOND HOUSE-ELF (&WINKY & CHORUS OF HOUSE-ELVES)
Don't let `Mione inscribe her (Clothing!)
Mark on these immoral fibers (Clothing!)
It's purely so wrong! (So wrong!)

FIRST AND SECOND HOUSE-ELF
All of us declare we'll not try on
Anything in burlap or nylon

FIRST AND SECOND HOUSE-ELF (&WINKY & CHORUS OF HOUSE-ELVES)
And we'll not wear clothing (Clothing!)
Never never clothing (Clothing!)
Truly awful clothing (Clothing us!)
Our whole (Clothing!)
Life long! (Her contaminated clothing!)

(Enter HERMIONE, with an armful of newly-made hats)

HERMIONE
Hi!    

ALL ELVES (except DOBBY)
Ahhhhhh!

(The elves all run off in panic, leaving DOBBY free to take all of 
the hats)

    -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm 

Note: I derived a lot of my vocabulary for this filk from the Fabric 
Dictionary

http://www.fabriclink.com/Dictionary.html

Did you know there's such a thing as a Dobby weave?