FILK: Dunderheads! Dunderheads!

[quigonginger]

No: HPFGUIDX 122989


Dunderheads!  Dunderheads!  to the tune of Matchmaker! from Fiddler 
on the Roof.

To SSSusan


Snape, alone in his classroom, contemplates his students and teaching 
methods.

He sings:

Dunderheads!  Dunderheads!
Look at this batch!  
Brains full of rocks,
Heads full of thatch.
Dunderheads, dunderheads,
Can't read a book
Or think of a thought to hatch.

Dunderheads!  Dunderheads!
Destined to fail.
Info I hurl,
Try to impale
Just one small thing
In the void that I see
In eyes staring back at me.

Dear Albus, send me a scholar.
Minerva, make your quill do its thing.
And me, well, I'm not a brawler, 
But for one good mind, I'd do anything!

Dunderheads, Dunderheads,
Look at this batch!
Brains full of rocks,
Minds full of thatch.
Day after day, words of wealth I intone
So they will be wise when they're grown.

(Snape runs to the chairs, as though envisioning the students who 
usually sit there)

Neville, oh, Neville, 'twas an honest lad's mistake.
It's turquoise, not red.  Ok, so Dean's a snake.
But it's allright, lad, it happens.  True?  True.
I'll try "Mammal returnus",  but even if it fails,
You've got your self-esteem, and all else pales.

Harry! Keep talking, I'll take it all in stride.
Ron's buddy, his mate.  Your chatter I'll abide.
But you don't need my directions. Right?  Right.
And so you miss ingred'nts, and stir more than is due,
You'll be the one to test it- Look what you grew!

Did you think 'twould be OK
To just throw things in a pan?
Without practice, or patience, or reading instrucutions?
Be glad that Seamus ran!

(Snape sighs, and returns to his chair)

Dunderheads, dunderheads,
Time after time.
I'm feeling old, 
Whilst in my prime.
Each year of firsties,
Has misunderstood
That this was all for their good.

Hermione, 'side from the dental,
Encumbered and infringed on my pride.
And Flint, well, he was just mental.
And Justin was petrified.

Dunderheads, Dunderheads.
Please no more Crabbes,
No more Cho Changs,
My stomach's churned.
Playing with potions a Goyle can get burned.
So no Katie Bell, no Susan Bones, 
Not one more George.  Please no more Freds!
They all are such dunderheads!


Ginger, who syphathises with Snape.  Teaching is a thankless job.  
I'm glad I don't do it.  And kudos to all of you who do.