Filk: 16 going on 17

[quigonginger]

No: HPFGUIDX 131852

16 Going on 17
>From the Sound of Music by Rodgers and Hammerstein.

A duet for the Smeltings Wardrobe Person and the Smeltings Nurse.

The Smeltings Wardrobe Person speaks to the Smeltings Nurse about 
Dudley's size.

Reviewing Dudley's measurements, (s)he sings:

This lad, my good nurse, has surpassed the gauge
Where knickers are to tight on.
This lad, my dear nurse, has now reached the stage
Where he must start to lighen.

NURSE:
To lighten.

SWP: (looking at chart)
Wrist is 16, going on 17.
Hips are 5 score, I think.
It seem this lad has had just a tad
Too much stuff to eat and drink.

Chest is 60, going on 70.
Waist is an 89.  
We are aware his folks must take care 
To moniter how they dine.


Totally unprepared are we 
To clothe him once again.
There's not a size in stock, as he
Has grown gargantuan.

We need help from his mum and father,
Telling him what to do.
You, good nurse, must write them a letter.
I'll leave that to you.

(musical interlude as nurse thinks of a tactful way to word things)

NURSE: (written in letter)
Re: Your Dudley, Ma'am and Sir Dursley.
His gut needs a reprieve.
No crisps or treats, and lay off the sweets.
It's good for him, I believe.

Meals are three, not 16 or 17.
Snacktime is at a close.
Lettuce is dandy, but no more candy,
Cel'ry instead of those.


Totally unprepared are you
To pen a diet plan.
That is why I must write to you
For I know what to ban.

He needs someone older and wiser
Dishing out his tofu.
I am sure, as his loving parents,
He'll depend on you. 


Ginger, who had to get out the tape measure to get an idea of what 
numbers to use.  NO, I DID NOT USE MY OWN.