The Reason Snape is such a miserable git.....

[demetra1225]

No: HPFGUIDX 132666

Well, there are only a couple days left til Book 6 so I figure I 
might as well post my half-baked theories.  


1.  Severus Snape is married

"Are you married, or are you happy?" – Curly, The Three Stooges

I don't think it would be controversial to say that Severus Snape is 
a deeply unhappy person.  His unhappiness goes beyond the usual `bad 
hair day' level.  Really, what else could cause that much misery, 
but marriage to a deranged harpy?  

Actually, I first wrote about this idea in this in post 100492.  To 
summarize, Snape has always reminded me of this passage from the 
beginning of the Pink Floyd song, Another Brick in the Wall.

When we grew up and went to school
There were certain teachers who would
Hurt the children in any way they could
By pouring their derision upon anything we did
And exposing every weakness
However carefully hidden by the kids


Then JKR posted the following on her website (regarding the POA 
premiere)
"Somebody from Warner Bros. offered me one of the giant, blow-up 
Aunt Marges that they had tied around the front of the cinema, but I 
thought it would have been more fun to untie them and let them drift 
over the country for the next couple of days. Pink Floyd did it with 
that giant inflatable pig... but most of the people reading this 
will be too young to know what on earth I'm talking about."

So, she is familiar with Pink Floyd, and I would assume 
with "Another Brick in the Wall".  Wouldn't it be a hoot if we find 
out that the remainder of the passage is true for old Sevvie?  
Here's the remainder of the passage 


But in the town, it was well known
When they got home at night, their fat and
Psychopathic wives would thrash them
Within inches of their lives.

You'd be a miserable bastard too, wouldn't you? 


2.  Sirius Black was eliminated by friendly fire.  Or he sacrificed 
himself.  

I go back and forth on this one.  In post # 76111, Talisman set 
forth a fascinating theory.  It is well worth the time to go back 
and read this one.  I read it again today, and find myself even more 
impressed than I was last year when I first read it.  To briefly 
summarize, Talisman theorizes that Sirius was sacrificed as part of 
Dumbledore's plan in order to further his "noble" plan.  The only 
thing I would add to the theory is that in OotP, Sirius strikes me 
as a bit of a liability to the order.  He seems at times to be a 
loose cannon, requiring "babysitting", mostly by Lupin.  One could 
argue that he was no longer useful, at least to the Order.  What do 
many people do when their dogs become old or senile or can no longer 
live the life of a dog?  Yes, they euthanize them.  Perhaps another 
way Sirius reflects his animagus form?  Also, Sirius tells Harry 
about his aunt who started the  Black Family tradition of beheading 
their House Elves when they outlived their usefulness.  Interesting 
that JKR uses the Blacks (as opposed to say, Malfoys) as the family 
that began that tradition.  It makes me wonder if Sirius also fell 
victim to that fate.

When I first read Talisman's post, I responded my own theorette in 
post # 76111.  I argued that perhaps Sirius sacrificed himself.  I 
may not love the character of Sirius Black as much as others, but I 
think that he was a smart man.  He was often reckless and 
irresponsible, but smart none-the-less.  He may have concluded that 
a. he was miserable because he could not do anything useful
b. this was unlikely to change anytime soon
c. there was a role he could play (beyond the veil?) that would help 
Harry vanquish LV.
Sirius could have approached Dumbledore (or vice versa – depending 
on how guilty you think DD is) and volunteered to be the order's 
agent in the great beyond.  

I flip back and forth between these two scenarios.  For now, I'll 
just sit firmly on the fence and wait for a stiff wind from this 
weekend's Hurricane to push me one way or the other.  


3.  The Sorting Hat considered placing Hermione in Slytherin 

OK, maybe not.  But I think it should have.  
In OotP, she exhibited more Slytherin-like traits than Malfoy and 
his cronies!  

-  She tries to trick the Hogwarts House Elves into freedom by 
hiding her knitted items under garbage and other items they are 
likely to touch.  I find it ironic that Ron is the one who really 
champions the House Elves right to choose by uncovering the 
clothing.  As he says "They should at least see what they're picking 
up" (OotP, CH 13, p. 255,US)
-  She attempts to use the centaur's to do her dirty work.  Let's 
not forget, that if Grawpy hadn't come around, Harry would have been 
toast.  
-  She blackmails Rita Skeeter.  Not that the obnoxious twit didn't 
deserve it, but blackmail is against the law.  Not to mention 
decidedly Slytherin.  
-  She puts the "sneak" charm on the sign up sheet for the DA, 
without any advance warning to those signing up.  The whole episode 
uncomfortably reminds me of Sirius' statement regarding LV, "You 
don't just hand in your resignation to Voldemort. It's a lifetime of 
service or death." (OotP, CH 6, p. 112, US)  Did Hermione let the DA 
members know that once they signed that sheet of paper, there was no 
going back?  And if there was nothing wrong with her methods, then 
why didn't the Order use a similar charm to identify spies?  
-  Did anyone else find it a little disturbing that Hermione 
admitted she based her charmed Galleon on LV's dark mark?  (OotP, Ch 
19, p. 399, US)

4.  Shipping - I predict Harry/Luna

I think it is telling that in those last few pages of OotP, when 
Harry was so miserable, JKR specifically has him spend time with 
Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Neville and Hagrid.  He feels no better after 
being with them.  In fact, the moment when he starts to feel better 
is after his conversation with Luna.  It starts out as pity.  But 
then Harry admits that he didn't mind talking to Luna about Sirius.  
Then at the conclusion of the conversation Harry feels as though the 
weight in his stomach had lessened.  
For whatever reason, on some level Harry connects with Luna.  
Spending time with her eases some of his pain.  Who better to ship 
Harry with then the person who seems able to bring him a sense of 
peace.  

Demetra (who cannot believe how long it takes her to compose a semi-
coherent post)