TBAY: ELKINS AVENGED (1 of 4)

[nkafkafi]

No: HPFGUIDX 130838


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"This is a macho thing, right?" said Faith in exasperated tone.

"Well, duh!" said Captain Neri and loaded another box of ship biscuits
on a cart.

"No, I mean, *really*," said Faith. "Sailing a new and untested theory
into the Bay just 30 days before Hurricane Jo returns in full force?
We all know what will be the end of that, don't we? You're going to
sink like a stone, washed ashore like a wretched dog, and I'll have to
make a fool out of you in front of all the Bay denizens. Again. And
until then you'll be living for 4 weeks on ship biscuits."

"I also brought you some tuna cans," said George, walking out of his
bar with another box in his arms.

"Thanks," said Neri while George added the box to the already loaded
cart and Faith rolled her eyes. "I think this should be enough for the
voyage. A current poll suggests the hurricane will last two weeks at
most". He started pushing the cart down the eerily deserted street in
the direction of the dock. Faith hurried after him.

"Look, everybody is already prepared for the hurricane watch," she
tried one last time. "No sane soul is out here. They all sit at home,
listening to the forecast and making predictions".

"But Faith, we have received some new and important information
regarding Neville and his parents in the last months, and how can we
possibly go and read HBP now without an updated Neville theory?"

"I can," muttered Faith. "Easily. Er
 wait a minute, did you say this
is a *Neville* theory? I thought you're taking the VASSAL". 

They have just reached the dock and were passing a very strange,
half-finished ship. She looked as if some mad designer had tried to
rebuild her again and again, each time with a different plan in mind,
and never finished. On her bow the name, which seemed to have hastily
painted over many times, now spelled "Voldy And Snape Share A Link
v.2.4.11017c-beta" 

"Erm
 the VASSAL," said Captain Neri uneasily. "Well, after your
inspection uncovered that first hole I was never completely satisfied
with the design. But not to worry - in the meantime I was building a
new Neville theory. Well, not really new - the design is mainly a
refinement and adaptation of several Neville theories, some of which
were developed even before OotP, such as those collected and presented
in the classic three-post Memory-Charm Symposium by Elkins:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/38812
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/38813
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/38848

Down the dock just passed the VASSAL was tethered a small but neat
sailing yacht, the name on her bow spelling E.L.K.I.N.S.
A.V.E.N.G.E.D. "My first TBAY acronym; I'm ridiculously proud of it,"
confided Neri and started moving supply boxes from the cart to the
little ship. Faith wasn't paying attention.

"The Memory Charm Symposium, oh yes, yes, that was quite a memorable
event," she said reminiscently. "In fact, I still have some of the
scars. You see, I was sitting in the third row when Elkins started
smashing
 umm
, now wait just one moment!" Faith halted and eyed the
little ship in dawning horror. "Surely you're not suggesting
 no, you
can't be
 I mean, even you aren't that
 Captain, please, *please* tell
me that you're not planning to sail into the hurricane in a
 in a
*Memory Charm* theory!"

The Captain fidgeted.

"You must have lost it completely!" exploded Faith. "Why am I wasting
my time trying to teach you?! Didn't I tell you a hundred times that
Memory Charm theories were some of the most unsafe, subversive and
far-fetched vessels to *ever* litter the bottom of the bay? And they
aren't even *fashionable* anymore! In OotP there were very few
allusions to Neville's memory, if at all, and lots of suggestions that
he just lacks self-confidence."

"Look, I know all that, but I've made some changes in the specs and
increased the safety margins," explained Captain Neri and loaded
another box on the tiny sailing ship. "The Memory Charm is now a
completely modular part of the design, practically detachable. I can
even afford to lose it entirely in the storm and the theory would
still reserve enough buoyancy to float with no problems. You'll see,
it will work like a cha
 I mean, it will be all right".

Faith caught her head in her hands and was reduced to mumbling
incoherently while the Captain finished loading the supply and secure it.

"So are you coming aboard?" he asked.

There was a short silence.

"What?" said Faith finally in a very controlled tone. 

"Well, you can't inspect it from the dock", said Neri reasonably.

"I'm not setting a foot on
 that thing", said Faith.

"We won't even be moving from the dock. Cm'on, you promised you'll
inspect my new ship whenever it's ready"

"I have never promised such a thing".

"I have it in writing", said Neri. He pulled the ship log from the
helm bay and leafed quickly through it. "In message #116373, right in
the end, you said
"

"OK, stop, stop, I said OK
" Faith shut her eyes for a moment. Hard.
Then opened them, took a deep breath, released it, took a deeper
breath, crossed the boarding plank and gingerly set a 4½-inch heel on
the deck of the ELKINS AVENGED.

"I'm on board of a Memory Charm theory", she mumbled to herself in
disbelief, gripping the rail. "First a Snape theory, and now this. Oh,
the things I do for TBAY. I definitely, *definitely* deserve a raise.
Increased hazard compensation, too."  

"See, it's not that bad," said Captain Neri encouragingly. "Just one
more step now
 and another one
 here is your chair
 here is your life
belt
 now, do we have everything we need for the inspection? Oh, I
know", he produced an old and battered Pensieve and set it between
their chairs. "Now we're ready".   


(to be continued)

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