Snape FILK

[dungrollin]

No: HPFGUIDX 126321


I've never written one of these things before, but thought of it on 
the train home from work (having injudiciously exhausted my reading 
matter). A couple of fudged rhymes, and some dodgy metre, but 
couldn't stop myself once it got into my head...

To the tune of Ko-Ko's little list, from the Mikado.

Snape:
Since frequently it happens that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list - I've got a little list,
And scorn-deserving students, staff and idiots abound,
I'm sure you get the gist - they're *all* upon the list.

The imbecilic cretins fill my classes year on year,
My contempt is not a front, it is whole-heartedly sincere,
Longbottom can't boil water without making it go "bang!"
He has the brains and subtlety of an orang-utan,
My loathing of them runs so deep, I really can't resist,
They're *all* upon the list - for they'll none of them be missed.

Chorus:
He's got 'em on the list - he's got 'em on the list,
And they'll none of 'em be missed - they'll none of 'em be missed.

Snape:
There's Sirius and James, the dolt: so vain it nauseates
The flippant humorists - they were upon the list,
But Potter's swollen cranium much more infuriates,
He heads my little list - he *never* would be missed.
That damn trio's larks fill me with apoplectic rage,
Capricious squirts: Our world's at an apocalyptic stage,
That reckless bloody werewolf, lying calmly to my face,
How he got my job I'll never know, it's a disgrace!
I'm certain there are others... let me add them to the list,
They should *all* be on the list - I'm sure they'll not be missed.

Chorus:
He's got 'em on the list - he's got 'em on the list,
And I don't think they'll be missed - I'm sure they'll not be
missed.

Snape:
Lockhart was a moron, I detested him with zeal,
The witless egoist - I've got *him* on the list,
I've taught all seven Weasleys (a disheartening ordeal),
They'll none of them be missed – they're all upon the list.
Granger is unbearable, she sets my teeth on edge,
I'd garrotte her if I could but I gave Dumbledore my pledge,
That graveyard-full of former friends, including You-Know-Who,
The task of filling in the blanks I'd rather leave to you...
Incompetents, who *clearly* cannot with wit coexist,
They're right there on the list - they're *all* upon the list. 

Chorus:
You may put 'em on the list - you may put 'em on the list, 
For they'll none of 'em be missed - they'll none of 'em be missed.


Sorry.  I won't do it again.
Dungrollin