Managing Dead Sirius

[Steve]

No: HPFGUIDX 142566

--- In HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com, T Fontes <darkwarrior419 at y...>
wrote:
>
> Marianne: 
> 
> I'm already perturbed at JKR's management of dead Sirius. Speaking
> as someone who was a young teen when I lost my mother, the idea 
> that there was no memorial service for Sirius struck me as 
> heartless for the lack of support that sort service could have 
> given to Harry, as well as a sign of respect for the deceased. 

> Teresa:
> I've always wanted to believe that since their was no service, 
> Sirius isn't dead. Not likely, mind you but it help me. :)
>
> Teresa-who is most unhappy with Sirius' death.


bboyminn:

Just a few quick comments on this subject. First, there are several
kinds of services that can be held. I noticed you used the term
'Memorial Service', and while the terms are frequently interchangable,
a memorial service is not always what is held. 

My terms may be off, but here is my thinking. When someone is 'lost at
 sea' or 'missing in action - presumed dead', a memorial service is
held where mourner can remember and honor a person for whom their is
no body. When there is a body, what is preformed is a burial service.
Of course, frequently there is both.

The point I'm making is that various /services/ are not for the dead,
they are for the living; a chance to say goodbye, a chance to make
peace, a chance to resolve and finalize the death in your mind, and
are part of the grieving process. 

Regardless of whether Sirius comes back or not, I think the people
around Harry deprived him of that aspect of the grieving process. The
deprived him of a chance to mark the occassion with certainty, and to
say a final goodbye. This would also give Harry a chance to say some
of the things that he never got around to saying in real life. It
would have been a healthy catharsis. I'm very surprised that the
people surrounding Harry and taking care of him didn't see the need
for Harry to say a final goodbye, to have that cleansing catharsis. 

It may be a cultural thing. Perhaps funerals aren't that important in
Britian, or maybe it's just the wizard world. If the focus is on
Burial Services then to some extent I can see it as there is nothing
to bury. But regardless of whether there is something to bury, it is
healthy to have one last rememberance, a chance to say goodbye, and a
chance to start letting go and move on.

I know I haven't really added much, but I do find it disturbing that
/someone/ didn't create even an informal occassion in which Sirius
could be remembered, honor, and bit farwell. If nothing else, a quick
toast would have been nice.

Just some rambling thoughts.

Steve/bboyminn