Dumbledore on the Dursleys in OotP - DD's Perspecitve

[Steve]

No: HPFGUIDX 151383

--- In HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com, "sistermagpie" <belviso at ...> wrote:

> 
> Magpie:
> To me Dumbledore seemed like he was just dealing with events the way 
> he, personally, dealt with events.  I did not see him taking the 
> lion's share of the blame for himself in the way other people might 
> have given it to him, but rather giving himself blame that he was 
> okay with. ... 

bboyminn:

I do see your point, but I think in his own pragmatic way Dumbledore
accepts his share of the blame, and admits his mistakes and missteps
honestly and bluntly. Part of his doing so, I'm sure is to diminish
the fact that Harry is certainly blaming himself, and while Dumbledore
fairly points out Harry's share of the blame, he makes sure that the
bulk of that burden is lifted from Harry, and with no where else to
go, it falls on his shoulders. 

I don't think he is doing this just to placate Harry, I think he sees
it as a fair and honest assessment. In that moment, he knows he has
done many things wrong; keeping Harry in the dark, keeping Sirius
locked up, not intervening with the Dursley on Harry's behalf, etc....
He accepts his responsibily, and I really think it made Harry feel better.

On the subject of Dumbledore not intervening at with the Dursleys, I
think from Dumbledore's remote outpost, it was just too easy to keep
repeating the mantra 'He's alive, he's safe, that's what's important'.
 Later it became 'He's alive, he's safe, he'll be at Hogwarts soon'.
Dumbledore is human, and for humans it is alway easier to maintain the
status quo, especially a distant status quo, rather than struggle with
change. In hindsight, now that Harry is there in front of him, broken
and battered, I'm sure Dumbledore wishes he had done more, but that is
in the past, and in the present, all they can do is move forward.


> Magpie:
> 
> ... But I think it's always going to be difficult for some people 
> to ignore what it unfortunately also is, which is somebody dealing 
> with someone who's just lost a family member by imposing his 
> perspective on events when many people are going to instinctually 
> say a grieving person should be given space to feel his own feelings 
> for a while.  Many people would say they don't want perspective in 
> that moment and hate it when people give it to them, especially if 
> they don't agree with that perspective ("He's in a better place," 
> for instance or "Jesus wanted her to be with him now" have upset 
> plenty of grieving people, though the people saying it feel they're 
> giving a comforting perspective.)  ... 
> 

bboyminn:

This is what I meant by 'hollow platitudes', saying 'he's in a better
place', 'so sorry for your loss', 'he's with Jesus now', whether the
people know it or not are more likely to be infuriating words rather
than comforting words. That is very much what Hagrid tried to do when
he said Sirius died in battle and that's how he would have wanted to
go. Harry quickly points out that he wouldn't have want to go at all.
Those words do not soften the events or add any comfort. 

But, I do see Dumbledore's words of perspective as adding comfort and
softening the blow. In some sense, Dumbledore is blunt and insensitive
to Harry's loss. But his blunt /honest/ words gave Harry much more
comfort and did more to bring him to a state of resolved grief than
Hagrid's words, or anyone's hollow platitudes, ever could.

For those of you who have read the continuation of the 'Ender's Game'
series, you are familiar with the concept of 'The Speaker for the
Dead', in some ways, I see Dumbledore in this role. He gives an honest
and fair accounting of a man's life (Dumbledore's, Harry's, and
Sirius's), neither hiding nor exaggerating any aspect of it. Only in
the truth of a man's life can you make sense of it. Some who hear a
'speaking' are comforted because the dead person's life now makes
sense, others are horrified that such brutal truths are revealed. Yet,
whether comforted or horrified, the man's life and his actions finally
make sense. 

> Magpie:
> In this story Dumbledore steps in an hour after the incident, Harry 
> brings up any number of unprofitable paths to go down plotwise (more 
> important than anything about Harry's emotional health none of these 
> things are going to be important in the next book), Dumbledore 
> knocks them down and a couple of weeks later Harry's decided Sirius 
> wants him to go on with life.  The only unhealthy thought Harry 
> manages to hang on to is...surprise!  That it's all Snape's fault. 
> Now he's primed for HBP.
> 
> -m

bboyminn:

Percisely the point I'm trying to make. I think we must ask whether
Harry wants life to 'go on' because of what Dumbledore said and the
perspective he added, or whether it was inspite of Dumbledore's
effort. I think Dumbledore very much help Harry find the right path to
resolve his grief over the events and over Sirius. Delay or hollow
meaningless platitudes, in my opinion, would have only heightened and
warped Harry's grief process.

For what it's worth.

Steve/bboyminn