FILK: Viagra

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 162919

Viagra

To the tune of Maria from West Side Story by Bernstein/Sondheim 

Here's a You-Tube concert performance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-31K0cZI7I 

Dedicated to Time Magazine's Person of the Year

"And as if all that wasn't enough," said Fudge, barely listening to 
the Prime Minister, "we've got dementors swarming all over the place, 
attacking people left, right, and center..."

Once upon a happier time this sentence would have been unintelligible 
to the Prime Minister, but he was wiser now.

"I thought dementors guard the prisoners in Azkaban," he said 
cautiously.

"They did," said Fudge wearily. "But not anymore. They've deserted 
the prison and joined He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named
.

"But," said the Prime Minister, with a sense of dawning 
horror, "didn't you tell me they're the creatures that drain hope and 
happiness out of people?"

"That's right. And they're breeding. That's what's causing all this 
mist."

-	HBP, Chap. 1

So why are dementors breeding now, when they presumably unable to 
before?  It may have to do with magic or Dark Arts – but maybe 
there's a more mundane explanation. Viagra was approved by the FDA in 
March 1998, but experimental prototypes were doubtlessly gliding 
around the market for a couple years prior (HBP begins in the summer 
of 1996
..)

A SOLO DEMENTOR:
Viagra . .
The most bountiful plan I ever heard....
Viagra. Viagra. Viagra. Viagra...
All our celibate vows are unmade so I can get laid....
Viagra. Viagra. Viagra. Viagra...

Viagra!
I just took a dose of Viagra
And suddenly a surge
Of reproductive urge 
I feel. 
Viagra!
I've just been prescribed some Viagra
The Dark Lord has decreed 
Dementors now shall breed 
With zeal! 
Viagra!
Let us now do that take-cloak-off-thing
And in due time we'll have us some offspring
Viagra! 
I'll never stop taking Viagra!

(The DEMENTOR dances around the room in ethereal ecstasy)    

Viagra! Viagra! Viagra! Viagra!, etc.
It may be some will call us putrid
So though I love my wife but oh you kid
Viagra! 
I'll never stop taking Viagra!
The most bountiful plan I ever heard.....

   -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm
 
Alternate Couplet for Gilbert and Sullivan Fans:

SOLO DEMENTOR:
Mi amour, I'll no more reject her
As Sir Gilbert said, "Be firm, my pecker."

Exegesis here:

http://diamond.boisestate.edu/gas/trial/discussion/tr4-3.html#firm