FILK: It Would Have Been Wonderful

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 147763

It Would Have Been Wonderful

To the tune of the same name from Sondheim's A Little Night Music

MIDI (a bit too slow) here:

http://www.hamienet.com/midi2622.html

Text here (you'll have to scroll down)

http://tinyurl.com/9arj6

Dedicated to Susan Albrecht

"Your aunt and uncle will be proud, though, won't they?" said 
Hermione as they got off the train and joined the crowd thronging 
toward the enchanted barrier. "When they hear what you did this year?"

"Proud?" said Harry. "Are you crazy? All those times I could've died, 
and I didn't manage it? They'll be furious ......

   - CoS, Chap. 18

No, Harry, VERNON & PETUNIA are not really furious, not exactly; 
they're more filled with sorrowful resignation and regret over the 
events of the last six years (for filking purposes, the Dursleys are 
far better informed about WW events than we might otherwise guess)

PETUNIA:
I should never have said he could stay with us.
Then he'd never have come to our lodgings
If he never had come to our lodgings
Potter would have stayed somewhere else
.

VERNON:
Madam..

PETUNIA:
Sir...

If he'd been gotten rid of
By a riddling Sphinx
Or if Thomas M. Riddle
Used a hex or a jinx
If his end had been perfectly awful
It would have been wonderful.

If...if...
If the Chamber when entered
Got him turned into stone
Or if kissed by dementors
And mentally turned to a drone
If he'd rode on a centaur
And sudden was from horseback thrown 
It would have been wonderful.

But he has Lily's protection
He's the Boy Who's Alive
Who brings his infection
To 4 Privet Drive
Oh, for a change in direction
So he won't survive
..
And that would be wonderful.
Sir...

VERNON:
Madam...

If he'd only been buried
When AK'd in a duel
If he'd only been harried
To death in his school
If he had far more awful defects
It would have been wonderful.

If...if...
If he'd only expired
Once tied up to a grave
Or if he'd not use fire
When he was trapped in the cave
If he had raised Fluffy's ire
And he had made him misbehave
It would have been wonderful.

But your blood gives him protection,
To our deepest disgust
Instead of rejection
Which would have been just.
May he soon make connection
With ashes and dust!
For that would be wonderful.

PETUNIA:
If he'd only been slaughtered--

VERNON:
While exploring the maze

PETUNIA:
If he'd drowned in deep water--

VERNON:
As all the merpeople gazed

PETUNIA:
If it had only been Peter--

VERNON:
Or Bella--

PETUNIA:
Or Eaters--

VERNON:
Half-crazed--

BOTH:
It would have been wonderful.

VERNON:
If...

BOTH:
If...

PETUNIA:
If they'd fed him to spiders


VERNON:
If Bludgers banged his head...

PETUNIA:
If the Veil opened wider...

VERNON:
If he met an ending


PETUNIA:
Like Ced--

VERNON:
If he'd been hit by Dark Lords

PETUNIA:
Or dragons--

VERNON:
Or Ron's Ford--

PETUNIA:
`Til dead--

BOTH:
It would have been wonderful.
But he always springs to action,
Thus avoiding his doom.
Our dissatisfaction,
It's safe to assume
When he does the-fate-of Black shun
Fills us with such gloom!

VERNON:
Madam...

PETUNIA:
Sir...

BOTH (with a sudden glimmer of hope):
At least there is one more year
..

   -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm