TBAY: HMS DESIRE (about Snape) Long

[Tonks]

No: HPFGUIDX 149518

Sitting around the Sinner Snape Loved Lily Camp is getting a bit 
boring.  Hum...  I have never been over to the bay.  Think I'll take 
a stroll over there and have a look around.  

Nice day, suns up, soft breeze blowing through the sails on that one 
ship over there.  Standing on the dock, thinking
 Maybe I too could 
build a ship
  Hum
 I should find a real ship builder.  I tried to 
build a storage room once and it fell in.  If I built a ship and it 
sank I'd be in big trouble since I can't swim.  Maybe there is 
someone on the beach that can help.  Looking around...  Well I see a 
fellow way over there.  Maybe he will help.  Looks a bit like a 
carpenter, but dressed like an old wizard hippy, long hair and love 
beads.   

Says he is happy to help...  great!!  Name of the ship?  Well, I'll 
think about it, you just start building. It will come to us.  How do 
you put this together?  Oh... I see.  Foundation..  Right..  OK.
                                                   
=====================
The early days:
Snape as a teen was good in Potions and so was Lily. They both had 
Slughorn as their professor.  We know that Slughorn liked to get his 
students together at these little parties.  Lily was very popular, 
and Sluggy liked her a lot so he must have invited her.  Snape 
wasn't popular or from an influential family, but he had great 
potential and Slughorn would have seen great things for him and 
would have wanted his favor later on. So Snape was probably invited 
as well.  If Lily and Snape went to Sluggy's parties they would have 
gotten to know each other well.  I would guess that, for whatever 
reason, James, Peter and Remus were not invited to Sluggy's parties. 

Snape and Lily may have been casual friends, but only saw each other 
in potions class and at Sluggy's parties.  They were in different 
houses and the kids seem to mostly hang out with others from their 
own house. Lilly saw the good in Snape and treated him well.  Snape 
develops a strong love for Lily, but realizes that she is a very 
beautiful and popular girl and he would never have a chance to be 
anything more than a friend.  He pines for her in his heart, but 
never tells her of his love.  Maybe he even goes by her house.  He 
is probably "that awful boy" that Petunia has a conversation with at 
some point. Maybe he came by when Lily was out, or Petunia saw him 
lurking about and told him to go away. 

The marauders might have figured out Snape's true feelings at some 
point and teased him about it.  Snape's calling Lily "Mudblood" 
could have been a way to say "it isn't true, I don't really have a 
crush or obsession on her" to get the others off of his back.  Later 
having done this he is kicking himself.  If he ever hoped to have a 
chance with her, he has blown it now!  He feels like a real jerk.

As others have pointed out the potions book owned by the Half-Blood 
Prince would have been enchanted to only be seen by Snape and 
perhaps by Lily.  (Thus explaining why Harry, having his mother's 
eyes, can see the pages of the book and Ron can not make it out.)

The early years as a DE:
After leaving school Snape gets involved with LV and becomes a DE.  
He overhears at least part of the prophesy and gives this 
information to LV.  He then hears that Lily is pregnant with her 
first child.  When Harry is born at the end of July and Snape 
realizes what LV plans to do, Snape is over come with remorse.  He 
is also worried about his life debit to James and the consequences 
to himself if James is killed because of the information that was 
given to LV.   

Being a clever young man, Snape comes up with a plan and presents it 
in such a way that LV will think that it is his own idea.  Snape 
will become a spy for LV by telling DD that he has defected.  LV 
thinks that this will help him find the Prophesy child.  Snape 
thinks that this plan will keep them all alive.  Snape can work for 
DD and help prevent the death of the Potters and their child.  It 
will also prevent Snape's own death and damnation.  (It has to be 
really bad karma with very serious consequences to be an accomplice 
in the death of someone to whom you had the duty of a life debit.) 

Snape hates James Potter but does not want James Potter to die in 
this way.  Snape is bound to James because of the life-debit.  Snape 
must save James or be damn himself for giving information to LV that 
might result in the death of James.  Snape also loves Lily and can 
not bear to see her die or to have her only son be taken from her.  
Snape is sure that he can prevent it all from happening.  He even 
goes to James, maybe before the switch in secret keepers, maybe 
before they go into hiding, and tries to warn James, but James does 
not listen to him.  

Before the events of that fated Halloween night Snape may have 
either been Out for Himself or DD's man. The tragic death of both 
the man to whom he had a life-debit and the kind hearted woman that 
he loved with all of his heart, was the most traumatic event in 
Snape's life. It makes Snape a bitter person, and a person with 
enough remorse to truly turn from the dark side and repent.  Snape 
would be haunted by the memory of this event for the rest of his 
life.  

After the death of Lily and of James, Snape goes to DD and vows to 
DD (perhaps with either Hagrid or Fawkes as bonder, if needed) that 
he will serve DD all the days of his life and if LV should ever rise 
to power again he will do any and all to preserve the life of 
Harry.  DD has the power through the ancient magic to forgive Snape 
the sin of his indirectly causing the death of James and transfers 
the life-debit to James' son, Harry.  Snape is now honor bound to 
serve DD and protect Harry.  Snape is a noble man and a man of 
honor. What ever else he may be, he is a man of honor.  He is 
the "Half-Blood Prince" after all, and a Prince would never be a 
coward. 

Harry comes to Hogwarts: 

Snape is at Hogwarts locked away in his dungeon, enjoying his 
potions making and perhaps secret experiments, being able to some 
extent forget the events of his youth.  Then Harry comes to Hogwarts 
and when Snape sees him it all comes flooding back.  Snape feels the 
trauma all over again, he is reminded of his sins, he feels the 
guilt and remorse that he thought he had overcome with the years.  
He hates Harry for bringing back these memories.  Oh what his life 
might have been if he hadn't "worn his heart on his sleeve", if he 
had never fallen in love and lost.  Better to never have loved at 
all!  See the mess that it got him into.  And now here in front of 
him is "her" son.  Ah
 he has his mother's eyes.  And he looks just 
like that *&%$#@ father of his!

As a member of the faculty Snape and the other teachers have 
probably taken an oath to the school that they will protect the 
students and preserve them from evil.  Snape also must protect Harry 
from LV and anyone else that might try to harm him.  Snape says to 
himself: "Great!  Normally a life-debit is an easy thing.  But it 
seems like everyone wants to kill this damn kid!!  And Harry doesn't 
help any.  He keeps putting himself in harms way whenever he can!  
No wonder my hair is so greasy and I am grouchy all the time, I can 
never get any sleep with Harry always sneaking off in the night." 

The Vow:
Narcissa loves her son.  Snape is a both a family friend and a very 
powerful wizard with influence in both camps. It is logical that she 
would go to him, as we all would if we needed a favor and our friend 
was a person with access to the most powerful people.  Snape is also 
Draco's teacher so he is in the logical position to look after Draco 
since Draco will be in school most of the year. 

Narcissa trust Snape to care about her, her child and his old friend 
Lucius.  Are all DE just cold hearted, all for themselves, villains 
like LV?  I think the answer is, No.  They are more human that LV.  
They love and care for their families just like everyone else.	 One 
might wonder why a person would become a DE, but that is another 
post.

Narcissa is upset and when she "began to cry in earnest, gazing 
beseechingly all the while at Snape", Snape must have been looking 
into her eyes.  She then goes on to think about the task that Draco 
has been assigned saying "it's too dangerous! This is vengeance for 
Lucius's mistake, I know it!"  

Then Snape looks away. We are led to believe that he looks away 
because he can not bear to see her tears.  That might be part of 
it.  At that moment, he might have been thinking of Lily begging for 
the life of her own son.  But there is another possibility as well.  
Snape may be telling the truth when he tells Narcissa that he knows 
what Draco's task is.  Maybe LV does trust him enough to tell him, 
maybe not.  If Snape is lying to Narcissa, I think that this is the 
moment that he finds out what the task really is.  It was in that 
moment when Snape saw it in her mind that he was on the verge of 
dropping his guard and showing his own thoughts.  This was this 
reason that he turned away.  He stayed turned away for a few 
minutes, while he was composing himself.  He is still turned away 
when he says to her "If Draco successes he will be honored above all 
others".  I think he is still turned away from her so that the shock 
does not show in his eyes.  But clearly, if he did not already know, 
this is the first time that he understands what the task actually is.

Why would Snape need to take so long to compose himself? Why might 
there be shock in his eyes?  Maybe because LV told him this "I have 
a little task for Draco, being young he may not be up to it, and so 
if he can't succeed in doing it I will expect you to do it for 
him".  At the time Snape probably thought "no problem, simple task a 
boy could do, not to worry."  LV, being the type that he is, would 
not have told Snape the whole story.  Snape only realizes the 
position that he is placed in when he see the task in Narcissa's 
eyes.  (He must be thinking "oh s---!")

It is a small leap from this to Snape's taking the vow.  He did not 
know that Narcissa would ask the third provision of the vow.  He is 
damned either way anyway.  So he goes on with the third provision in 
order to protect his cover, now fully realizing the terrible place 
in which he has been placed, not only by the vow, but by LV.  And we 
see his hand shake.  Poor, poor Snape.  `Oh what a tangled web we 
weave when first we practice to deceive.'  All of the deception in 
his life as the clever Slytherin came back to bite him.  Spinners 
end indeed!

The Forest:
I am sure that Snape told DD what LV was expecting Draco or Snape to 
do.  The argument in the forest could be about this.  DD may also 
have told Snape that he must do it when the time came to keep Draco 
from becoming a murder. And I think that part of the vow to keep 
Draco safe would have included keeping his soul safe as well as his 
body. So any way that you look at it, DD must die at the hand of 
Snape. And they both knew it. Snape did not want to do it, he may 
have tried to think of some plan to work around it, but there was no 
way out for either of them.  DD understood this and insisted that 
Snape do what had to be done whenever and wherever the time came.

The Tower:
Snape is a bitter, tainted by sin, tragic, damned, doomed and 
depressed man, but he is DD's man to the end.  He is misunderstood.  
Snape is the Judas betrayer to all who see him.  Only Snape knows 
what is really in his heart.  He still has a heart.  It has been 
stomped on, broken and wrenched from his soul, he thinks beyond 
repair, but it is still deep inside him. 

Snape is the soul that has been so damaged by the world that he has 
given up on Love.  Unlike LV who has never loved and therefore does 
not understand Love, Snape has loved and does understand.  And the 
one who has loved and knows the depth of love also knows a desperate 
despair that LV can never know.  LV had never been broken by Love.  
Snape has.  

 The events on the tower add to the depth of anguish in Snape's 
soul.  This is the final straw.  He would rather die himself, but he 
must do what is hard over what is easy.  Snape has promised DD to 
obey him no matter what, just as Harry did on the way to the cave.  
Snape also has a duty to protect Harry and Draco.  The only way to 
protect Harry and be loyal to DD's plan now is to keep his cover as 
a DE, keep his wits about him, and do what must be done.  In order 
to cast an AK one must feel hated in their heart and Snape has that 
type of hatred for LV and he uses those feeling to do the deed.  
Harry sees the look in Snape's eyes, and misreads the events 
happening before him.

Snape is the sinner's sinner. He is the epitome of all the desperate 
brokenness of humanity.  Snape is also a noble man and a man of 
honor.  He has given all for DD, for Love of Lily, and to redeem 
himself from the curse of a failed life-debit.  And in the end Snape 
will give his life and through Love's great mercy, his tortured soul 
will be set free.
==========================

Wow, look we did it!  We built a ship.  A big ship!  Look Kaylee, 
others are coming by to see it. They are saying it looks like a "Man 
of War".  And the name, yes, the name:  The HMS Desire.

HMS. DESIRE
Harry Must Survive.  Death Eater Snape is repentant evermore.

The full theme of this ship is:
Repentant Sinner Snape is Dumbledore's man for the Love of Lily and 
with a transferred life debit to Harry.


Tonks_op