FILK: Shop Song

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 152407

Shop Song 

To the tune of Cop Song, from Urinetown 

Dedicated to Constance Vigilance

There is a MIDI, but not a very good one:

http://www.hamienet.com/midi22232.html

A 30-second excerpt of the song can be heard at Amazon:

http://tinyurl.com/rgcvg

THE SCENE: Diagon Alley, before Madam Malkin's. Enter the Trio


HARRY (spoken)
If there's one thing I've learned in my many years of shopping in 
Diagon Alley, it's that the journey down to Diagon is no bargain. Not 
even from the very toughest amongst us. On that journey expect only 
expectorations. 

(music) 
So that day we made our way to Malkin's
Then they saw us walk in, with DA brawn
The pure-bloods, purchasin'  duds
Makin' slurs of mud front of me and Ron

RON
He's so pathologically into crud
Voldy's number one bud, DE spawn
His  Mum's cold, sleazy way of talkin'
Slytherins a-squawkin' in Diagon 

HARRY & RON
Narcissa Malfoy
Bought new dress robes for her boy
Too bad our army helped destroy

HARRY
Lou's ploy 

RON
What joy!

NARCISSA
But Lily Potter's son 
May call himself the Chosen One 
Shouldn't try a curse if I am here
Or I will guarantee he'll be undone!

DRACO
There are those who socialize
With mongrels - 

NARCISSA
Hang out with the wrong girls - 

DRACO
A shock and shame, but as we uphold
The pride of wizards - 

NARCISSA
Followers of his word - 

DRACO
Who's not named!
Our task: help defeat the Order -

NARCISSA
Not to mention Potter - 

DRACO
We'll crush and maim, for one day soon
Dumbledore won't aid you 

NARCISSA
Then I am afraid you'll

DRACO & NARCISSA
Have lost the game! 
Her-me-ownee G. 
Homely, gaunt and bony, she
Caught without her crony, we

DRACO
DEs -

NARCISSA
DC'd!

HARRY & RON
And Draco Malfoy's dad
Hoosegow-held because he's bad
Needs his wife to bail him out
Who'll soon in convict clothes be clad!

HARRY (looking mockingly around the shop)
Don't see any Dumbledore here
Why not start your war here, double dare!
Despite Slytherin aggression,
Pardon the expression, we don't scare!

That's why we will keep our wands raised 
As you two go on crazed, evil blondes
If a fight is what you're after
We're convulsed with laughter – so bring it on!

(A few tense moments of silence, as the antagonists raise their wands 
a bit higher)

RON
Narcissa Malfoy

NARCISSA
Lily Potter's son

DRACO
Her-me-ownee G.

NARCISSA
Lily Potter's son

HARRY
Narcissa Malfoy

RON
And Draco Malfoy's dad

HERMIONE & MADAM MALKIN (to the Gryffindors and Slytherins, 
respectively)
Don't fight with them! Don't fight with them!, etc. 

(The next three stanzas are sung as a round, climaxing in the fourth 
and final stanza which is sung in unison)

HARRY 
On this day we
Made our way to Malkin's
And they saw us walk in
With DA brawn 
Our purebloods 
Purchasin' duds 
Makin' slurs of mud
Front of me and Ron 

RON
On this day we
Made our way to Malkin's
And they saw us walk in
With DA brawn 
Our purebloods 
Purchasin' duds 
Makin' slurs of mud

DRACO & NARCISSA
On this day they
Made their way to Malkin's
And we saw them walk in
With DA brawn 
Our purebloods 
Purchasin' duds

GRYFFINDORS/SLYTHERINS
They're so pathologically into crud
Voldy's/Dumble's number one bud, DE/DA spawn
His  Mum's/Their dumb cold, sleazy way of talkin'
Slytherins/Gryffindors a-squawkin' in Diagon!

(Exit, in righteous xenophobic disgust, NARCISSA & DRACO)

   -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm