What is Manipulation (was Re: Nice versus good, was: Hagrid and Snape)

[Marion Ros]

No: HPFGUIDX 152840

Lupinlore:
>   I went to school in the American South.  I remember
> clearly when a friend from New York exploded because he thought he
> had been manipulated and lied to, when the others of us (all raised
> in the area) could see no such.  Finally, another of my friends
> simply shook his head and said "Poor Kent, he simply doesn't
> understand how civilized people communicate with each other."
> Exchanges that to us seemed perfectly transparent and
> straightforward were to him examples of rank dishonesty.  For
> instance he felt misused when he found out a certain person disliked
> him a lot.  It was very obvious to all the rest of us that the
> dislike was there and that said person had been attempting to
> clearly communicate it.  But somehow it didn't get through.


Ah, it could be cultural of course. I'm Dutch and we are renowned 
(notorious!) for our blunt approach to life (we call it 'honesty' - others 
just call us plain rude :-).
But then, my mother is just as much Dutch as I am, and she is very passive 
agressive - which bugs me no end! She is my mom, and I love her, but 
maaaaannnn...!!!
Everybody who meets her agrees that she is one of the nicest, kindest 
persons they'd ever met. She is a Christian and as such believes in 'turning 
the right cheek'. But when I visit her, or phone her, she will tell *me* 
about all the things she found irritating, annoying or downright hurtful 
about people that week. And boy, does that nice, kind old lady find fault in 
other people! She won't tell *them*, of course, but she will squeeze her 
'mental pimples' for me (not that I *want* her to, but I'm the only one she 
feels she can 'unload' to) It ain't pretty and it bothers me, but my mother 
is 73 and a widow and she's not going to change, so I will listen to her. 
Maybe it's how she keeps her sanity.
Now, my mother is not 'evil', she truly is a nice old lady (she *is* 
manipulative though, of course she is: she's a mom. 'Guilt trip' anyone?), 
but no one, NO ONE, goes through life without being annoyed, or angry, or 
just in a bad mood sometimes. And sometimes people hurt you, no matter if it 
is unintentional. But my mom covers her irritation up with a blanket of 
uber-niceness.

And Lupin does to.

Now, it could be that Lupin is trying to compensate for being a Dark 
Creature. Maybe he feels he isn't allowed to be angry, or snarky, for fear 
of being seen as 'that nasty werewolf' ("see?! See?! I *told* you he'd go 
wild one day! They're all the same.." etc. etc.) But his 'niceness' is 
blankets over his personality so completely, the real Remus J. Lupin has 
become invisible. And I find that scary, to tell you the truth. More scary 
then somebody who'd, say, hides their shyness behind a curtain of snarkiness 
(*not* that I'm suggesting Severus Snape is shy! I'm just saying), or 
somebody who hides their insecurity behind a curtain of contrariness. 
Lupin's niceness is too smooth. One day, it will crack.

Besides, I find Lupin manipulative in a far more subtler way. Look, It's 
late and tomorrow morning I'm going on a trip to Oxford for a week and I 
just can't be bothered to look it all up, but when Harry rants to Lupin 
about Snape, Lupin will always correct Harry with a 'Professor Snape'. That 
*seems* nice and polite, but suppose Harry would say something like "That 
rotten Snape exposed you as a werewolf and got you fired" (I'm making this 
up, remember, because I'm not in a positition to look up true quotes from 
the books but there are a few of these kind of conversations around) Would 
Lupin not be nicer and more honest when he would reply with "No Harry, I 
endangered the school and therefore I resigned myself" or even "I don't 
think Professor Snape could get me to resign if I didn't think it were for 
the best myself"? But in these kind of cases, Lupin (and Dumbledore) always 
respond with a "that's *Professor* Snape, Harry".
It *sounds* like he's defending Snape, but he's really not. Reinforcing the 
correct title of Snape is superficial.

Dumbledore does this as well, of course.

Now, I adore Red Hen's essays (the only thing I don't agree with is her 
opinion of Lupin; I think he's a wolf in sheeps manners, she thinks he's 
basically a good person. We'll see)
In one of her essays Red Hen calls Dumbledore and Snape's handling of Harry 
Potter a 'good cop/bad cop routine', and that's *so* spot on.
I do think that those two play an intricate game, where one is the nasty, 
greasy stick and the other holds a lemon sherbet, uh, carrot, thus preparing 
Harry to fight Voldemort (or perhaps be a sufficient *distraction* so 
somebody else, near Voldemort, *cough*Snape*cough* could off him, perhaps?)
In that case, Dumbledore's insistence that Harry calls Snape 'Professor' and 
his insistence that he trusts Snape implicitely, but his refusal to tell 
*why* Harry should respect or trust Snape, is understandable (although not 
really laudable: Dumbledore has been using and directing Harry since he was 
a baby)


Marion