Respecting the Dursleys( was:Re: Hi everyone -- banning the books)

[Ceridwen]

No: HPFGUIDX 159502

Alla:
*(snip)*
> It is like with Draco - I do feel that he is likely headed to 
redemption and am feeling rather sorry for myself, because usually I 
eat those stories with the spoon, but I hated him for so long and for 
five books JKR did not give me ONE deed of Draco which is worth 
sympathy ( that is only my impressionn of course), so this redemption 
story will leave me untouched, most likely.
 
I want to buy Dursleys as abused child and want to sympathise with 
him. Help me?

Ceridwen:
Sometimes, a person who should have our sympathy is not given our 
sympathy because, as you said, they have no sympathetic 
characteristics.  Through the first five books, Draco appeared to be 
merely "School Bully #1", the one with the speaking lines.  We get 
some idea that he is somewhat artistic, if even in a snide way - he 
made up "Weasley Is Our King", for instance, and made the "Potter 
Stinks" buttons.  But, he didn't seem to have the "soul of an 
artist", the stereotypical sensitivity and all the other trappings of 
a fragile artistic temperament.  On the tower, we see how deep his 
feelings for his family do run.

Dudley was Draco's home counterpart, with his gang of friends taking 
on the roles of Muggle Crabbes and Goyles.  Our first visual clue 
that Dudley may be abused in some way by his parents is his weight.  
He is allowed to do anything he wants to do, including overeat.  The 
common agreement used to be that a child whose parents allowed it to 
get away with anything it wanted, was a child whose parents neglected 
it or even didn't love it in the right way.  Love doesn't mean giving 
a child its way all the time, love means teaching a child how to get 
along in the world.

Dudley certainly is allowed to get away with things, and his parents 
seem to ignore any attempt by outsiders to curb him.  If I recall 
correctly, they didn't believe he was a bully at school.  This is 
very much like Real Life parents who refuse to believe anything but 
the best about their children, the parents who will tell anyone,  "My 
child would never do anything like that!", proving that they don't 
know the child in the least, and are not concerned with helping them 
to break bad habits and grow into contributing adult members of 
society.

Petunia had to be scared into putting him on a diet.  And, the entire 
family had to go on the same diet to spare poor Dudder's feelings, 
even Harry and Petunia, both of whom are described as thin.  Dudley 
is not being taught that the rest of the world does not have to 
operate on his schedule.

This will be a rude surprise for him when he does become an adult.  
The way the law is structured in many places now is that a child is 
not responsible for its own actions, someone else will get the 
blame.  Parents of habitual truants have been sent to jail in the UK, 
for instance.  The child experiences no consequences for its actions 
and will be shocked to find that they will get fired from a job for 
the same sort of thing.  Dudley will have many shocks as he grows 
older, courtesy of Vernon and Petunia.

I've had the idea that Petunia is acting out her resentment at her 
parents for favoring Lily, by feeding Dudley (giving love) while 
nearly starving Harry (withholding love).  This matches, with food, 
the way she felt growing up with her "freak" sister being so adored 
by their parents.  She's getting back at Lily and the Evanses by 
doing this, even though they are all dead and won't know.  Petunia 
has issues herself, in other words, and can't give Dudley the sort of 
nurturing a child needs to grow up happy, healthy and normal.

Vernon seems to be a knee-jerk bigot against any witch or wizard, so 
Dudley does not get any balance at all.  By insisting that he's 
always right, always good, his parents create doubt about himself in 
his own mind.  He knows, from what is taught at school and on the TV 
programs he is always watching, that bullies get theirs in the end.  
Having his parents always saying he is perfect must create some 
confusion in his mind.  Also, children who are set up as not needing 
to be corrected, children who are set up as already adult enough to 
make their own decisions about behavior, bedtime, the way they treat 
people, etc., have confidence issues which can then be acted out as 
more bullying.  They are thrown into making big decisions for 
themselves when they are not ready.  This can make them feel that 
they are in a runaway car headed for a cliff.

Dudley is not a sympathetic character due to the nature of the signs 
of his abuse.  He is a bully, he seems not to use the intelligence he 
has, he is directly set against the story's hero, he is unloveable.  
This is really sad for a child, to be made so unloveable by its 
parents that no one can drum up any sympathy for him.

Does this help?

Ceridwen.