DD at the Dursleys: Better Manner to Accept.

[Steve]

No: HPFGUIDX 158048

--- In HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com, "dumbledore11214"
<dumbledore11214 at ...> wrote:
>
> > bboyminn:
> > 
> > ...
> 
> > In many parts of the world the refusal to offer 
> > hospitality or the refusal to accept hospitality is 
> > a grave insult. Even if the offer is half-hearted 
> > and the acceptance is equally half-hearted, you do 
> > it as a matter of social courtesy.
> 
> Alla:
> 
> I am sorry, but what? I may be ignorant of many social 
> customs and then ready to eat my words, but in what 
> part of the word you are obliged to offer hospitality
> to **uninvited** if not stranger, ...
> 

bboyminn:

Well, Nigeria for one. When I was in college I work with
a Nigerian. He was one of the most polite, intelligent,
and civil people I have ever met. 

One time he invited my to meet him in his dorm room for 
whatever purpose. (nothing nefarious or even remotely
slashy.) As I recall the excuse for my visit was very 
minor and would likely be very short. When I arrived they
(he and his Nigerian friend) were frying up chicken wings
which they quickly offerred me. Have eaten somewhat 
recently, and assuming I had interupted their dinner, I 
politely refused. They insisted. So was we ate chicken
wings, they explained.

In Nigeria, if you do not offer an invited guest some 
form of hospitality, and further if the person does not 
accept that hospitality, it is a grave insult. Even the
poorest of the poor will observe this tradition. And I 
speculate that it is a common tradition in Africa, the
Middle East, Eastern Europe, and probably in parts of 
Asia.

Now, if you read what I said carefully, you will see that
it is Dumbledore's hospitality that I am referring to. 
The Dursley should have made at least a token acceptance
of Dumbledore's hospitility. Like I said, all they had
to do was take the glass, they didn't have to drink the
drink. 

Though, it is clear the Dumbledore initially expects the 
Dursley to observe the minimum tradition of hospitality 
and courtesy, and when they do not, he take matters (of 
hospitality) into his own hands.

I find your assertion that Dumbledore is an uninvited 
stranger at their door in the middle of the night to be
wrong. That /is/ who Dumbledore is for about 5 or 10
seconds, then it becomes clear who he is and why he is 
there, and that he indeed does have legitimate business
there. 

At that point, I feel the Dursley's were socially 
obligated to offer Dumbledore AT LEAST the minimum of 
terse business-like get-to-the-point-and-be-gone courtesy.
And, that seems to be all Dumbledore expected, yet, even
that raw minimal basic level of courtesy was not extended.

So, to be clear, I am saying that once who Dumbledore was
was established, the Dursley's owed Dumbledore a very 
minimal level of polite courtesy. Part of that courtesy 
would have been to accept Dumbledore's offer of a drink
even if they had no intension of actually drinking it. 

So, Dumbledore was not a stranger, and Dumbledore was not
uninvited. Once that was established, there should have 
been a minimal level of courtesy. Though keep in mind,
and given the Dursleys, I don't expect that /minimal/
level of courtesy to be much. More than it was, but
not much.

Further, I do not buy the argument of others that the 
Dursleys are so horribly frightened of Magic. Certainly,
they are /worried/ about it, and dread anyone finding out
they are associated with it, but I don't see it bordering
on paranoid delusions. 

Again, both Dumbledore and Harry quietly pluck their 
glasses of wine from the air without trama or incident.
The Dursleys could have easily done the same. While I 
admit the Dursley were generally annoyed and somewhat
apprehensive, I deny any assertion that they were even
remotely /fightened to death/. 

Again, I think the scene only re-enforces my view of just
how socially sub-human and clueless the Dursley are. For 
all their pretense of social sophistication and propriety,
they fall woefully short of the mark.

Just passing it along.

Steve/bboyminn