Bludger Training - A message from the Manufacturer

[Mike]

No: HPFGUIDX 164012

Ceridwen, who is now wondering if Bludgers roll off the assembly
line, or fly off.
End of Inquiry.
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Bludger Manufacturing Operational Company (BMOC)

The BMOC would like to thank Ceridwen for her inquiry and take this 
oppurtunity to clear up a few misconceptions.

Bludgers are about as useful as a newborn Bugbear when they *fly* off 
of the assembly line. All flight and no fight. They can't seem to 
understand their mission in life. This is where the Bludger Utility 
Trainers - Timing, Headhunting, Evasive Adjustment Determinant 
Specialists come in. Of course, our acronym is so distasteful that we 
have a hard time recruiting for this position. And I'll bet that very 
few of you saw one of our pamphlets during career week at Hogwarts.

You know, a good Bludger doesn't just fly around randomly trying to 
hit anything in sight, uhh... well, that is, if they had eyes. Only 3 
out of every 5 Bludgers make it through their training, and only 1 in 
20 are considered "international standard". We have to train the 
Bludgers how and when to attack properly, where to attempt 
interdiction on both the Chasers and the Seekers and how to avoid the 
Beaters whenever possible. It's no easy task trying to train a big 
stupid ball, stinger spells have so little affect on them. And we 
have a hard time retaining good trainers, they hate showing up at 
parties with black eyes, broken noses and bruises all over their 
body. Some have even been accused of being on the Troll Wrestling 
Tour (the TWT, not to be confused with the Tri-Wizard Tournament)

We tried to retrain the incompetent ones to be Muggle bowling balls, 
but most of those are just so untrainable that they don't continue 
down the alley to their own pins, constantly jumping lanes and going 
for every pin in the other alleys. Muggles can't figure out how to 
keep score with a Bludger Bowling Ball.

We would like to extend a welcoming hand to any youngsters that are 
too dull, ... ahhh ... lesser qualified than hoped, to consider a job 
with our firm. We have an excellent pension plan and you're going to 
need it. 

"You too can be a BMOC. Come join our firm and our team of expert 
B.U.T.T.H.E.A.D.S."

<man, we have GOT to get a new acronym>

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Mike, who considers himself an expert BUTTHEAD. :-) <wait ... what am 
I smiling at?>