Why Snape's love for Lily was real

[julie]

No: HPFGUIDX 172538

Several posters have comments that Snape's love for Lily was an
obsession, that he was a stalker, that if he truly loved Lily 
he couldn't *not* be nice to her son. Here is my rebuttal of 
those assertions:

We first see Snape as a boy who is obviously not well cared for,
alone, sneaking a peek at two little girls playing, focused on
the one little girl in particular--Lily. His expression is
"greedy."

Point one: What is approximately 10 year old Snape greedy for?
Sex? Domination? Does he want to tie her up and have his way with
her, then keep her for himself? I think NOT. He's a child. A 
neglected child in an unhappy home who sees another child--yes
a pretty girl child--who clearly has everything he doesn't--
love, laughter, caring attention paid to her needs. He doesn't
want to possess her (and never once as child or adult shows any
desire to do so), he wants to be *with* her, to share in what
she has. And, for god's sake, who could blame the poor child?
(Not me, that's for sure)

The children become friends. We have no evidence that Snape had
any other friends as a child, and given that he's from the wrong
side of the tracks, not attractive and wearing mismatched and
obviously handed-down clothing, we can easily guess why. Folks,
children are CRUEL. And a boy like this, awkward, unattractive,
DIFFERENT, is a boy who is going to find very little or no 
acceptance from other children. 

Except that Lily accepted Snape for who he was from the
beginning. She never once judged him on his looks, on his
living conditions, on his family situation, only on his 
actions. And Lily, while not a saint, is IMO a very good
person. One of the few good people Snape has, or ever will 
have, a friendship with. Certainly even at this point Snape
sometimes gives in to his less noble impulses--like breaking
the tree branch over Petunia after she insults him. But it
is his friendship with Lily, a person of good character, that
induces him to feel ashamed of those acts. 

Sadly the stage is set when they enter Hogwarts and are sorted
into separate houses--not just separate houses, but the two
houses that most oppose each other. I am of the opinion that
the politics inherent in the House system of Hogwarts sealed
Snape's fate. Snape being in Slytherin solidified the incipient
enmity between himself and the Marauders that we glimpsed on
that first train ride. After all, Gryffindors and Slytherins
are mortal enemies. It's always been so. Snape belongs to 
Slytherin now--and this is a boy who's never felt he belonged
*anywhere,* who longed to go to Hogwarts with a passion, to 
escape a home that was no home at all.

I know, it's still his choice. He can choose to remain friends
with Lily, he can refuse to take the side of his House-mates
on the issues of Voldemort's ideals and Pureblood supremacy.
He can make enemies of his whole House, be taunted and hated
*where* he lives, and be satisfied that Lily remains his
friend. But the truth is, Snape is not Harry Potter. He is
not a person of exceptional moral courage. He is far more
average than that, I'm afraid. He can't give up the belonging
that he yearned for so deeply, even to keep the respect of 
the person he loves most. Because even with that respect, she
will still be in Gryffindor, among his established enemies,
and there is no acceptance or belonging to be had there.

Yet even after Lily rejects him, Snape does nothing to hurt
her. He doesn't follow her, or taunt her, or go after James
once it's clear he has taken Snape's place in her heart. 
Snape simply leaves her alone.

Now I inject Point 2: You call this guy an obsessive stalker??
No, an obsessive stalker DOES NOT stop just because the girl
tells him they are through. He begs her to take him back, he
demands she take him back, he threatens her, he threatens her
friends and her newest guy who has replaced him. And eventually
he hurts her, or her guy, perhaps kills one or both of them.
A obsessive stalker's mentality is of the "If I can't have
her then no one can have her" type. 

Snape is so NOT a stalker. No, he simply leaves Lily to her
life, offering no threats or interference, and no anger
directed at her. Somewhere deep down he knows it was his
doing, that *he* drove her away, not the other way round.
Yet he never stops loving her, and when he finds out that
Voldemort plans to kill the Potters, thanks to a Prophecy
Snape brought right to him, he's beside himself.

Yes, Snape first asks Voldemort to spare her, not really
interested in what Voldemort does to James or the child.
And he admits as much to Dumbledore who is rightly disgusted
by this attitude. There's no evidence Snape actively wanted 
Voldemort to kill James and the child, only that he was
completely focused on saving Lily. To him, James and Harry
weren't even in the equation. 

And here's where I insert Point 3: Snape did not ask *for*
Lily. I.e., he didn't ask Voldemort to spare her and bring
her to him, so he could keep her as a prize, or lock her
up somewhere until he convinced her to love him. He only
wanted her to live. There is a difference, and it highlights
to me that while Snape's love of Lily was an obsession in
his live, his *love* was not the obsessive type. He was not
trying to possess her, to coerce or force her into anything.
Admittedly he acted primarily in his best interests, so
he could be at peace knowing she was still living. I don't
think he fully considered or even understood that Lily 
couldn't just keep living after the devastation of losing
her husband and child. Such is the way of those who have
experienced as little real love as Snape has.

But making a pact with Dumbledore turned that tide anyway.
Agreeing to spy for Dumbledore, to protect Harry Potter 
from Voldemort, and to risk his life repeatedly was NOT
in his best interests, not unless his best interests were 
making amends and earning the respect of the woman he
loved. I.e., he did it all for Lily. 

Only one more point to go, 4. You do NOT have to love or
even like someone to put his interests ahead of your own.
You don't even have to be nice to him, as Snape never was
to Harry Potter. He loved Lily, he didn't love her son.
Her son, who was also the son of his worst enemy, James
Potter. There's a dichotomy for you. Child of a person
you love deeply and a person you truly despise. How much
easier would it have been for Snape to devote his life 
to protecting a child he actually liked, one who didn't
look--and yes, often act--like the hated James Potter?
But Snape drew the short end of the stick throughout
his life, didn't he?

I would add that I was not initially a fan of Snape loved
Lily. I would have been unable to accept a Snape who 
first saw Lily at Hogwarts and loved her from afar, but
the fact that they were childhood friends saved it for
me. In fact, I find it quite believable, because there
is simply no reason Snape shouldn't love her. And if it
was all possessive self-interest on his part rather than 
genuinely selfless love, then Snape would have acted very 
differently than he did. 

BTW, obsession isn't always a bad thing, is it, fellow members
of the Obsessed with Harry Potter Association, which I'll now
refer to as OHPA! (whilst imagining raising a glass of ouzo and
delivering a Greek toast to those assembled with me ;-)

Julie