Petunia/Snape parallel & forgiving Petunia (Re: 'crushing the magic out of him')

[joan of anarchy]

No: HPFGUIDX 173820

I have realized that I cannot hate Petunia.  All of the HP characters
(or, at least, the well developed ones) have tragic flaws and
redeeming qualities.  Even Dumbledore, perhaps the most saintly of all
the HP characters, is revealed to have a major flaw that tempts him as
late in his life as HBP.  We forgive them time and time again.  And
then there's Petunia.  I think Petunia's major flaw is her inability
to forgive Lily's seeming betrayal and abandonment (manifested in her
hatred of magic), which fuels her treatment of Harry.  

Petunia's redeeming quality?  She took Harry in, which was
instrumental in protecting him for the first eleven years of his life.
 After that, Snape took over her role; her protection only applied
during the summer months when Snape was unable to protect Harry
(especially while maintaining his double agent status).  

We seem to somewhat unanimously forgive Snape for his despicable
treatment of Harry in the classroom and in one-on-one interactions. 
(1) Snape continued to protect and save Harry, at grave danger to
himself.  
(2) Snape being extra tough on Harry during lessons set a higher
standard for Harry's magical education (which was necessary, no? 
Harry was destined to face Voldemort in a final battle, which no other
student was predicted to do.)  He even continued to teach Harry
valuable magic lessons when he was fleeing with Draco and blocking
curses from Harry himself.
(3) Snape loved Lily
(4) Snape was treated horribly by James, and Harry's appearance was a
constant reminder of James's abuse.
(5) It seems understandable and human for Snape to identify Harry as
James Jr. in every possible negative way due to Harry's resemblance of
his father
(5) Some have gone as far as to say Snape was abusive to Harry 
(6) We forgive ALL of the negative things above because of how
instrumental Snape was in saving Harry from doom again and again.

Well, the same goes for Petunia.

But, back to the post at hand...

The Barking Iguana wrote: 
> I think the Dursleys locking Harry up in the house and 
> believing that by being awful to him--by crushing his 
> soul--they can stamp 'that nonsense' out of him, we are 
> meant to see the treatment many young homosexuals receive 
> in homophobic families. As a high school teacher, there 
> are students I've thought would especially benefit from 
> reading Harry Potter for that reason.

I think that interpretation is really interesting, especially since
the Dursleys literally force him to live in the closet.  (I'm also of
the school of literary criticism that believes that author's intent
for interp is only one of many legitimate interpretations.)  I saw the
Dursleys (specifically Petunia's) despicable parenting in another
light, as I began to outline above.  Petunia treated Harry with such
horrible contempt because he physically reminded her of Lily.  (And I
love the delicious irony and parallel with Snape's reasons for
treating Harry horribly.)

(To better tie this to The Barking Iguana's post, perhaps this could
be seen as that brand of homophobia wherein the homophobic person
persecutes the homosexual due to denial of their own homosexual
tendencies and related emotional trauma.)

Harry has Lily's eyes.  As a baby, it would be impossible for Petunia
to see his similarity to James (if she ever even saw James).  But she
knew her sister's eyes -- her sister who was her best friend; her
sister who betrayed her, left her, and chose Hogwarts, magic, and
witch-dom over her; her sister who filled in the best-friend void with
"that awful boy" who also was a wizard and the first person to teach
her about the magic world she would eventually join completely (thus
turning her back on the muggle world); her sister who was never able
to convince Dumbledore to let her attend Hogwarts (if Lily even tried
at all)...  Her sister, who she loved so deeply that betrayal
transformed that powerful emotion of love into a hatred for the
ultimate thing that Lily represented (magic) and the ultimate thing
that pulled Lily away from her (magic and the magical world).

On top of that, the wizard who provided Lily with the ultimate means
to betray Petunia and abandon her (Dumbledore) then forces Petunia to
care for another magical person -- and not just ANY magical person,
but the savior of the magical world!  Who on earth would want to help
He Who Saved the World who took your sister away from you??

And, as if that weren't enough, this person has her sister's eyes -- a
daily reminder of all of those painful emotions that she has tried so
desperately to smash into her mental closet, the only method she could
muster to deal with the painful loss of her sister.  After all, not
only did her sister abandon her, but if Lily had chosen the muggle
world over the magical world, she would still be alive.  In Petunia's
eyes, it's not only magic that killed her sister, but Lily, indeed,
was responsible for getting herself killed, since she CHOSE to remain
in that magical world.  "She got herself killed"?  Yep, says Petunia.

Who wants to relive those tumultuous emotions again, this time not
only with a male Lily Jr., but with a baby who she could care for and
come to love as her own child (only to be betrayed once again when he
chooses the magic world over his muggle family.)  It would be too hard
to continue smashing her grief over Lily's betrayal into her deepest
emotional closet while fully caring for Harry.  

We have evidence that Petunia has a warped view of how to show love. 
I do not think that it's a stretch that this stems from her early
childhood trauma of, in essence, losing her sister.  I doubt anyone
would argue that she truly loved Dudley with the purest of motherly
love and did not intend to do him any harm.  As Dumbledore noted, she
abused him in as extreme a manner (although in direct oppositition) as
she did Harry.  Her warped understanding of love, and her deeply
ingrained abandonment issues led her to spoil Dudley, nearly beyond a
redemptive (for Dudley) point.  Her relationship with Lily (pre-magic,
pre-Snape) does not depict a child who demonstrates love through
spoiling behavior (or, much more likely for a child, sycophantic
behavior).  From that we must conclude that the psychology which
brought out her treatment of both Harry and Dudley evolved AFTER Lily
left her.

It's natural for Petunia to feel hatred and betrayal when looking at
Harry, similar to how Snape reacts to Harry based on his physical
resemblance to James.  Snape even avowed to protect Harry (sorta)
because Harry had Lily's eyes.  *Of course* Petunia saw her sister in
Harry.  She's only human, and it's not surprising that she reacted to
Harry/Lily in such a similar way as Snape's reaction to Harry/James.

And Petunia was NOT going to be betrayed again.  The heart can only
handle so much.  She was not willing -- nor able -- to give that baby
the emotional care that he deserved; she was not emotionally strong
enough to make herself vulnerable, create a bond with him, and then
have him ripped away as he, inevitably (in her eyes), chooses the
wizarding world over her.

Petunia doesn't hate magic; she hates what magic did to her
relationship with her sister.  So why on earth would she make herself
relive this experience again with her sister's child?  Fool me once,
shame on you.  Fool me twice...

The tragic irony is that, if Petunia had embraced Harry and loved him,
he might not have abandoned her.  He would have gone away to school
and only returned in the summer, but that's the same as her
relationship with Dudley.  He most likely would move out of the house,
marry, and start a life of his own, but he would certainly visit.  So
would Dudley (well, maybe...).  If she had been strong enough, she
would have had two children (one a living "immortalization" of Lily,
as Sirius chose to bond with Harry as an immortilization of James),
twice the love, and a way to have closure for her feelings towards
Lily, not to mention a way to love and bond with Lily beyond (Lily's)
grave.

Yes, she hates Harry.  Yes, he has a physical trait that is a
continual reminder of deep, emotional scars.  Yes, she is unable to
overcome her intense feelings for Lily, and yes, this affects her
treatment of Harry.  And, finally, yes, she chooses to obey
Dumbledore's wishes and provides Harry with protection for a
significant portion of his life when he was incredibly vulnerable.  

Replace "Petunia" with "Snape" in the above paragraph, and it still
rings true.

So what's the difference?  Snape chose to obey Dumbledore out of love
for Lily, while we are led to believe Petunia obeys him out of fear. 
Who's to say that she didn't obey him out of love for Lily as well? 
Snape protected Harry and also became a double agent at great personal
risk.  The Dursleys also landed in a place of great personal risk when
Harry became of age.  And although the Dursleys were less of a target
than Snape, they were also far less equipped to defend themselves
against even the most inept wizard or witch.  Petunia tried to crush
the magic out of Harry, which (deliberate or not) from her perspective
would prevent Harry from entering the magic world and getting himself
killed.  

Second-to-lastly, Snape died for Harry.  But did he? -- only
indirectly.  Let's start at the end and backtrack.  Voldemort killed
him in an attempt to gain ownership of the Elder Wand.  Snape presumed
ownership of the wand was due to him killing Dumbledore.  Snape killed
Dumbledore on Dumbledore's orders -- but not to save Harry, rather to
help the Order's cause and save *Draco*!  Snape's ultimate sacrifice
cannot be used as a reason to forgive Snape but not Petunia.

Lastly, Petunia's abusive behavior led Harry to become a boy who
craved love and kindnes; a boy and man who time and time again chose
kindness, compassion, and mercy; a boy and man who capacity to love
(which, after all, is the weapon the Dark Lord knows not) was so great
and so much larger than the average witch or wizard, because he had
never before experienced this magical force.  Harry arrived at
Hogwarts craving love and filled with kindness -- and much different
than his arrogant and bullying father.  We cannot know for certain,
but it is easy to assume that had he been raised in the magical world,
as the Chosen One, as the Boy Who Lived, that his arrogance and
celebrity would have tainted his overwhelming capacity and craving for
love, friendship, and acceptance.  Similarly, Snape's abusive behavior
set that higher standard and continued to keep him modest in at least
one aspect of his magical world experience.

My only other point to address is that, in the HP world, it is our
*choices* that prove our evil/goodness.  Let's look at Harry (and his
behavior towards the Dursleys) from Petunia's perspective.  He
unleashed a dangerous snake on her son.  He blew up (like a balloon) a
family member.  His magical friends gave her son a pig tail and
destroyed their living room.  His mere existence in their life put
them in so much danger that a protective spell was put over their
house, and they were forced to flee from home.  He either cast a spell
on Dudley that put him in a deathly state of shock, or, if she can
bring herself to believe Harry, due to Harry's risky relationship with
the magical world, Dudley was put in a situation where a magical being
attacked him.  Harry is dangerous.  Being around Harry is dangerous. 
But she continues to let Harry into her home, summer after summer. 
She chooses to keep Harry protected.  Harry, who consorts with wizards
dangerous to be imprisoned in Azkaban and who puts her family in
danger time and time again, is kept safe by Petunia's choice to allow
him to live in her home and call it his own home.

I conclude, at the end of this two-scrolls length post (that,
admittedly, has little to do with the original post to which it
replies), that if you completely forgive Snape (especially if it's to
the amount that you set him on a martyr pedestal), then you must also
grant Petunia that same complete and high level of forgiveness.

Joan of Anarchy